The Land of Kings

I'm about set to depart Rajasthan, "The Land of Kings." My train leaves in two hours. Udaipur has been most pleasant; I prefer small-town India to the chaos of the big cities. Some sports and India related nuggets for you to chew on, before I head for the station ...

1. It hasn't gone unnoticed out here, by me at least, that the Toronto Blue Jays are playing .833 baseball, and tied for first place, so far in Grapefruit League action. I'm not going to say it, because it would be totally ridiculous, but you know I'm thinking it.

2. The smell of feces is far too commonplace, and far too acceptable, in India. But with cows, millions - it seems - of stray dogs, horses, mules, monkeys, goats, pigs, and the odd camel roaming around, I guess there isn't much anyone can do but accept the stench. Perhaps, after another month or two on the subcontinent, I too won't be bothered by the smell. But I doubt it.

3. In seven games for the Maple Leafs, J.S. Giguere is sporting a .917 save percentage. Boners abound!!1 But, since I've only watched him play one game, his first, you tell me: has Giggy played as well as that number above suggests? Or are his first two games in the blue and white, back-to-back shutouts, distorting the view?

4. I'm as liberal as they come. I believe marijuana should be legalized, and I'm all for gay marriage, and gay rights. But this one I don't quite get: heterosexual Indian men - best mates, let's say - who walk down the street holding hands. I'm talking really holding hands: fingers locked between each other's. Maybe it's me. Perhaps I'm just not that in tune with my sexuality, but the thought of holding hands with a male friend of mine while we walk down the street makes me slightly uncomfortable. I couldn't do it.

5. I see that the Toronto Raptors are tenuously holding on to their playoff position. You didn't think it was going to be easy, did you? Also: I haven't been keeping up to date with Chris Bosh's injury woes; just tell me it's got nothing to do with either of his knees.

6. Even Ian White would be jealous of some of the epic moustaches I've seen out here in Rajasthan.

7. Before the Toronto Blue Jays were Roy Halladay's team, they were Carlos Delgado's. Now that the Halladay years have been left behind for the history books, yes, the Blue Jays are Vernon Wells' team. He is the veteran in the club house. "The player" who has won the most accolades, and represented the Blue Jays at the most All-Star games. What's wrong with him coming out and saying it? Since when is confidence, and taking charge of the clubhouse in the spring, a bad thing? Nothing, absolutely nothing, would please me more than to come home to Toronto in June to fine Wells in the midst of one fine fucking season. If I've said it once, I've said it a million times: I believe in Vernon Wells.

8. The average Indian has absolutely no qualms about belching, breaking wind, picking his nose, and, if a man, urinating in public. It's these cultural differences that I find amazing everytime I visit.

9. I just brought up the Toronto Maple Leafs' player stats page on Yahoo! Sports. In one month, Brian Burke traded the team's top scorers, three through eight: Alex Ponikarovsky, Matt Stajan, Niklas Hagman, Lee Stempniak, Jason Blake, and Ian White. I'm not sure I've ever seen this type of mid-season roster upheaval. It's a good thing: the Leafs stink.

10. Based solely on reading what my fellow Leafs fans have been tweeting, I think I'm going to grow rather fond of Luca Caputi. And he's from Toronto. Local boy!!!1

11. Not enough people hate Matt Cooke. I fear that will remain the case even after his most recent display of douchebaggery.

12. A beggar approached my cousin and I a few days ago in Jaipur, asking for money. We politely lied and said we didn't have anything to give. As the beggar walked away, he called us "conjoose;" cheap. A bad day at the office, I guess. And a terrible begging strategy, if I must say so myself.

13. I saw a photo of Ponikarovsky celebrating a goal with Evgeni Malkin. Poni must feel like he's dead and gone to heaven.

14. There's an Indian singer in heavy rotation on MTV out here named Prince. He gets a million points for originality. As an entertainer, and even an athlete, it's all about the team around you; the people you surround yourself with. I remember reading Mario Lemieux's biography, and learning that, upon entering the NHL, he wanted to wear #99. He wanted to prove that he was in fact the greatest hockey player in the world. (Full disclosure: I'm on the Lemieux side of the Gretzky/Lemieux debate.) Mario's agent at the time, I believe, or someone close to him, told him the idea wasn't such a hot one. So Lemieux flipped #99 around, and wore #66. Personally, I think the NHL would be right to - as they did for The Great One - retire #66 league-wide. No one should ever be given the option to wear it again.

15. I'm going going, back back, to Delhi Delhi. Will hit you up from there.

Super Mario

For some reason, Lemieux's been on the brain of late ...

The best ever, in my humble opinion.

I vividly remember the night Mario came out of retirement; Dec. 27, 2000. It was a Wednesday night. Our Maple Leafs were in Pittsburgh. I watched the game at home with my brother, and Lemieux assisted on a Jaromir Jagr goal thirty seconds into the first period. In his first game after more than three and a half years away, Lemieux finished with a goal and two assists.

The Leafs lost 5-0 that night. It was a pleasure.

You know all that hype? Believe it.

Look at Ovechkin. Look at those two grown men embracing. Good times are being had by all. (Well, except the Penguins. And their fans.)

It's Ovechkin vs Crosby and Malkin. Ovie vs Sid and Geno. Three of hockey's finest players, none older than 23, squaring off in the second round of the playoffs. A series that is so far - somehow - actually living up to its incredulous media hype.

And I've been kind of apathetic towards it. I figured it was just that: hype. 

I've caught about 45 minutes of actual action throughout the first two games. Truthfully, I've been watching more Toronto Blue Jays baseball. Hey, they're a first place team, asshole. (Playoffs!!1)

Full highlights of games one and two have been watched, though. Amply. A helluva playoff series is going down. The stars are shining. Well, except that Malkin guy. And, umm, where was this Varlamov character all season?

I caught the third period last night, and my reaction to hat-tricks by both Crosby and Ovechkin was a hearty "fuck off." (Ovie's third was something, enough for Bob Cole's trademarked "OH BABY!") Both #87 and #8 have officially taken their game to the proverbial "next level." It certainly does exist. And it's slightly arousing to watch.

Wednesday night, the Blue Jays are in Anaheim. Which means a most accomodating 10:05 PM eastern start time. One that works out perfectly because, clearly, there's a hockey game to be watched.

As the fine folks at Puck Daddy pointed out a few days ago, Mario Lemieux and Wayne Gretzky never met in the playoffs. I guess this is what it would have been like.

Some quick, penetrating thoughts: Crosby complaining about hats being thrown on the ice to celebrate an Ovechkin hat-trick - the nerve of Washington fans! - is going to do wonders for his reputation as a whiny little bitch crybaby. He must have the same PR guy as Mats Sundin ... Chris Kunitz is officially a douchebag. Cross-checking the goalie in the neck? Stay classy ... Mario Lemieux's playoff beard can only be admired and appreciated. I am in love with that man. Did you know that when he came into the league Lemieux asked to wear #99? So as to not draw too much attention to his desire to be better than Gretzky, and create his own brand, he simply flipped the numbers around. What a man ... It's going to be quite the afternoon: Brett Cecil makes his MLB debut for the Jays, followed by Man United vs Arsenal. For Cecil, the beginning of a promising career. For the Gunners, the end of their Champions League aspirations.

Thieves in the Night

This one's for my man Lloyd the Barber ...

Black Star. Making me choose between it and Reflection Eternal is akin to making me choose between Mats Sundin and Dougie Gilmour, or Mario Lemieux and Wayne Gretzky. There is no right or wrong answer.

The following is from Wikipedia:

The title [Black Star] is a reference to a shipping line founded by Pan-Africanist Marcus Garvey ...

The centrepiece of the album, "Thieves in the Night," was inspired by author Toni Morrison's novel The Bluest Eye. In the album's liner notes, Kweli explains that the paragraph "struck me as one of the truest critiques of our society, and I read that in high school when I was 15 years old. I think it is especially true in the world of hip hop, because we get blinded by these illusions." The excerpt interpolated in the song is as follows:

And fantasy it was, for we were not strong, only aggressive; we were not free, merely licensed; we were not compassionate, we were polite; not good but well-behaved. We courted death in order to call ourselves brave, and hid like thieves from life.

And the version on the track:

"Not strong, only aggressive/Not free, we only licensed/Not compassionate, only polite (now who the nicest?)/Not good but well behaved/Chasin' after death so we can call ourselves brave, still livin' like mental slaves/Hiding like thieves in the night from life/Illusions of oasis making you look twice.

Amazing, eh?

There's more. Check out the following. Mos Def and live jazz music is an incredible combination ...

Mos and Kweli released Black Star back in 1998. Should the two of them return to the studio to make another album together, it would be like your favourite team winning a championship, 11 years after their first title. Needless to say, it would be a beautiful thing.

NHL 94

Sometimes, late at night, I wish I still had my Super Nintendo. I mean, don't get me wrong, NHL 09 on the XBOX 360 is sublime, but NHL 94 might be the greatest hockey game ever made.

The body checking, the slapshots, and, oh, for the first time in hockey video games, the one-timers.

I made beautiful music with a number of teams:

Toronto Maple Leafs: Doug Gilmour, Dave Andreychuk, and Nikolai Borschevsky, with Dave Ellett running shit on the point. Enough said.

Chicago Blackhawks: Jeremy Roenick was an absolute force at centre ice; he could do it all. His slapshot might have been the game's best. As a youth, I developed a man-crush on J.R. solely because of NHL 94.

Quebec Nordiques: Ah, the good old Nordiques. Joe Sakic, Mats Sundin, and Owen Nolan, with Steve Duchesne and Curtis Leschyshyn on the back end. The goaltending was weak, I think Stephane Fiset was the starter, but I always made sure to score a boat load of goals with the youthful Mats, whose NHL 94 slapshot rivaled Roenick's.

Pittsburgh Penguins: Mario Lemieux, Jaromir Jagr, and Kevin Stevens. Let me tell you, it was one-timer madness. And the rugged left winger Stevens was always good for a cheap wrap around goal when I needed one.

Good times.

And, for the record, I was, and still am, arguably the greatest to ever play NHL 94 on the SNES. If you've got the system and the game lying around, holla atcha boy, for old times' sake.

#4 Bobby Orr Turns 60

As a young boy growing up in Toronto, I fell in love with the game of hockey. Watching the likes of Wayne Gretzky and Mario Lemieux ply their trade was something I'll never forget. Those two players are, and always will be, synonymous with hockey greatness, along with one more: Bobby Orr.

Number four. The man whom Don Cherry says is the greatest hockey player to ever lace up a pair of skates. Of course, I never got to see Orr play. He was before my time. But many didn't get the chance either, as wonky knees robbed Orr of his prime years, and forced him into retirement at the unbelievably young age of 31.

Bobby Orr, the kid from Parry Sound, turned 60 last week. For those that were lucky enough to watch him play, it seems like only yesterday that he did. Last night on TV Ontario's The Agenda With Steve Paikin Globe and Mail sports columnist Stephen Brunt, whose work I thoroughly enjoy both at The Globe and on McCowan's Prime Time Sports, sat down with Steve Paikin to talk about the great Bobby Orr, the man and the myth.

As a self-proclaimed hockey nut, and a religious watcher of Hockey Night In Canada, I've always had a good idea of who Bobby Orr is and what he did for the game of hockey. In all honesty though, I never knew how good he really was on the ice. His statistics blew me away.

In only 657 career NHL games, Orr racked up an incredible 915 points (270 goals, 645 assists). Don't forget, Orr was a defenceman. He revolutionized the position, and is one of the few who changed the game as we know it. Orr also contributed when it mattered most, registering 92 points in 74 career playoff games, and winning two Stanley Cups.

Orr's records speak for themselves. He was the first defenceman to score 20 goals in a season, and the first player, at any position, to ever win three straight MVP awards.

When New York Rangers defenceman Brian Leetch tallied 102 points in the 1991/1992 NHL season, I remember being blown away by his scoring prowess from the defence position. Well, Leetch's 102 points had nothing on Orr. From 1969 to 1975, Orr had seasons of 120, 139, 117, 101, 122, and 135 points respectively. Simply phenomenal numbers.

Unfortunately, after his 135-point 1974/1975 season, Orr's injured knees limited him to only 36 games over the next three years. In 1979 Orr, hockey's brightest star, was forced to walk away from the sport in his prime.

Gordie Howe, Mr. Hockey himself, has called Orr's premature retirement "the greatest blow the National Hockey League has ever suffered."

Orr was definitely one of the best hockey players to ever play the game, and I hope you'll click here to watch the interview with Stephen Brunt, author of "Searching For Bobby Orr," or download the podcast, to learn more about #4's life, and what he means to Canadian culture.

And before I forget, happy belated birthday Bobby Orr.