Being the bigger person ...

As a fan of the Toronto Maple Leafs, a sad excuse of a hockey club that hasn't qualified for the playoffs since 2004, perhaps it's time I stopped reveling in the failures of teams like the Montreal Canadiens and Ottawa Senators.

I'm older now. Closer to 30 than I am to 20. Perhaps it's time I grew up a little bit more, and stopped dabbling in the schadenfreude trade.

...

Naw, who am I kidding?

Fail.

The Price is wrong. So, so, so wrong.

My favourite quip from last night, however, would have to be "Jesus, Price!" I must admit, it has been most enjoyable watching young Carey, and the Habs, fall from grace. Especially Carey. What a train wreck. A most beautiful train wreck.

One-punch knockout.

Mike Komisarek, ahem, All-Star Mike Komisarek, finally got what was coming to him.

Milan Lucic, I salute you, good sir. Boston Bruins fans are lucky to have you. And Team Canada will be lucky to have you on its side in Vancouver next year.

It's true; I have Lucic Lust (h/t on the most apt terminology to Wrap Around Curl)

The fat lady has sung.

It's going to one helluva interesting summer in Montreal. Gainey's done. Koivu, Kovalev, Komisarek, Tanguay, Lang, Schneider and, most importantly, Brisebois are all unrestricted free agents. And, I don't know about you, but I'd much rather have Georges Laraque, and his zero goals, signed through until 2011 at $1.5 million/season than, say, a guy like Mikhail Grabovski. (Score one for Cliff Fletcher.)

Thanks to Luke Schenn, Mickey Grabs, and another top-ten draft pick this summer, the future is bright in Toronto. The same can most certainly not be said about Montreal. And, well, that kind of puts a spring in my step.

Oh, and I almost forgot: Happy 100th birthday, les Glorieux. Au revoir ...

UPDATE: A poem from the Habs' eulogy, written by the fine folks at the one and only Pension Plan Puppets:

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

The Leafs didn't win a playoff game,

But neither did you.

Required Reading...

Doug Glanville

Doug Glanville is a former Major League Baseball player. He's also an Ivy League graduate, with a degree in systems engineering from Penn. Needless to say, he's one smart cat.

Glanville has, for the past year or so, been writing a guest Op-Ed for The New York Times. It's dope. You really ought to check out the layout. He sheds light on his time in "the show," and his take on the Alex "Douchebag" Rodriguez clusterfuck was a fantastic read.

I know. A smart and articulate baseball player. Who can read and write. It's weird. But trust me, he's in the Times, so he's the real deal.

I love The New York Times.

Puck Huffers

I stumbled upon Puck Huffers thanks to my good friend Wrap Around Curl. It's arguably been the best thing that's happened to me in the last two months. Yeah, I know, I live a fascinating existence. Fuck off.

Anyway, the blog is run by two sassy ladies - Kimberlass and debrisslide - and they write about the trials and tribulations of their beloved Pittsburgh Penguins, who, somehow, are fighting for their playoff lives. They've only got nine more points than the Leafs, that's how dire the situation is down there.

The game recaps over at Puck Huffers are incredible. As is the "Michel Therrien Radar." The ladies' faith in their shitty team never fades. In a way, they remind me of, well, me. In the younger, more optimistic, never-say-die days of my youth.

Seriously, check 'em out. You can thank me later.

Between Hockey, Football, and Stiletto Shoes and Puck Huffers, I may or may not be becoming a Pittsburgh Penguins fan...

The Humming Giraffe

If you're like me, you've been keeping tabs on Mats Sundin. He's gone, but certainly not forgotten. 

I've been getting my Canucks blogging fix over at The Humming Giraffe, where Alix is falling in love with Mats right in front of our very eyes. Let me tell you, it's a beautiful thing.

It's funny how all that talk about Sundin looking slow out there, and being the root cause of all the Canucks' problems, has come to a screeching halt. With 10 points in twelve games, Mats is looking fine, thank you very much. Training camp? Fuck a training camp.

I'm happy for my boy. I'm not the jealous ex who wants to see his sloppy seconds struggle. No sir, not me. I want to see him fall in love again. I want him to be happy. I want him to win the Stanley Cup.

I want a Canucks jersey.

Pension Plan Puppets

I mentioned Wrap Around Curl above. Well, the rookie Leafs fan has joined the team over at Pension Plan Puppets. Recession? Economic downturn? None of that shit exists over at triple-P. The site continues to grow at alarming, housing bubble-like rates. Good on you, guys. And now, gal. An excellent addition to the team, if I must say so myself.

PPP, ruthless dictator of the website, also joined Stephen Amell on a podcast over at Searching for '93. Have a listen. PPP brings the heat, especially when it comes to the Toronto media.

I'm Keith Hernandez

What do you get when you combine Seinfeld and sports bloggage? I'm Keith Hernandez. If you're addicted to Seinfeld much like I am, there's no way you're not going to enjoy this blog. Check out this post on Kevin Millar, who's now officially a Toronto Blue Jay.

"Cowboy up!"

Oh, God. I just threw up in my mouth.

Ok, that's it. Happy reading. Remember the words of one Billy Madison:

Billy: "Sheesh, what's up her butt?"

Veronica Vaughn: "What was that, Billy?"

Billy: "I said 'Reading is...good!'"

Getting The Girl...

We won. And I'm not talking about last night's Leafs game, although strong goaltending and solid penalty killing sure are a beautiful thing, aren't they? Swoon.

Nope, I'm talking about my good friend Wrap Around Curl.

You see, back in July, Wrap put her fandom up on the block. She lost her beloved Vancouver Canucks in a break up and was looking for something new, something exciting. She was ready to turn the page.

That's where the Toronto Maple Leafs came into the equation. I mean, who in their right mind wouldn't want to be a Leafs fan? We've got it all, including an eventual Stanley Cup (read: Brian Burke).

But let me tell you, the wooing process was a lengthy one. I'm talking roses, candy, alcohol, ponies, muffins, unicorns, teddy bears, puppies; you name it. Many a sweet nothings were whispered into Wrap's ear.

In the end, she was worth it. All of it.

Wrap was supposed to deliver a "grand declaration." In fact, I'm still waiting for it. So I'm going to go ahead and do my girl a solid, and declare this one for her.

You see, there's a certain studly defenceman that Wrap is watching with her beloved NHL Center Ice Package. One who makes her panties drop with only the snap of his fingers. One who sealed the deal.

Thank you, Luke Schenn. You were our secret weapon.

The search is over my friends. The Toronto Maple Leafs are Wrap's new team. We, the Toronto Maple Leafs blogosphere Barilkosphere, are victorious. Winner, by unanimous decision.

Wrap, make it official in the comments section. You know it's all you have left to do.

And welcome to Leafs Nation, honey. It'll be a bumpy ride, but those are the best kind, if you know what I'm saying.

Deep Thoughts Vol. 10: Leafs & Rangers Edition

I'm always bitching about the Maple Leafs' perplexing inability to kill penalties, so let me be the first to raise a glass to their efforts when down a man last night. Eight for eight on the penalty kill, my friends. Outstanding.

I guess three days of practice really helped. Who knew, eh Allen Iverson?

The Leafs ended up on the wrong end of the score, losing 1-0 in a shootout, but I'm not going to make like most of the "Negative Nancy's" out there, who will tell you how bad the Leafs were last night and how the tanking of the season is off to a fine start (Lordosis at PPP, I'm looking right at you, big daddy). In the words of my homegirl Wrap Around Curl, "fuck that noise."

Vesa Toskala was sublime last night. What an effort, making 32 saves, a number of them of the difficult variety. When he's on his game he really is one of the top goalies in the league. He did get some help from his goal posts, but all the good goalies do. As a goalie, and a good one I might add, I speak from experience. My posts and I, we're tight. We help each other out. It's a give and take relationship, and I'm sure it's the same between Vesa and his posts. I actually talk to mine. We exchange pleasantries. I'm curious as to whether Vesa does the same.

Here's some deep thoughts:

• I don't know about you, but I'm really starting to hate Stephen Valiquette. Mother fucker is like nine feet tall.
• Jonas Frogren is a shot-blocking machine. I'm loving his passion.
• Poor Marc Staal got his ass kicked by Jamal Mayers. Attaboy Mayers. Pick on someone you know you can deal with. Hollweg, you taking notes, jackass?
• Matt Stajan's out of the dog house. But he still sucks. I know, he responded to his press box banishment and played better. My point is, he still sucks.
• If Ponikarovsky takes another lame hooking penalty I think Ron Wilson is going to bench him. And what's with all the Poni hate all over the place? You people are all crazy.
• Antropov and Grabs have got to start scoring.
• Nikolai Kulemin is a breakaway machine. I wonder how many more times he can go to the well and use the same move.
• I hate shootouts.
• Everyone hates Jason Blake. Except me.
• Toronto was 33-24 on the faceoffs last night. Practice man, we talking about practice.
• Seriously, I hate shootouts.
• Niklas Hagman is quickly becoming one of my new favourite Leafs.

Luke Schenn played a shade under 26 minutes last night, and blocked a number of shots. He was out there on the penalty kill and he was out there in the last minute of play. You name the situation, he can play in it. Fuck it, let's keep him. The future is now, and I'm pretty sure this guy isn't going to be too pleased about it.

The Leafs went into a tough building against the NHL's best team, killed eight penalties, shut out their high-scoring opposition, and came out with a point. I'll take it.

Some will say the Leafs have won only one game out of their first four. Not me. I say we've only lost one out of four in regulation time, against some pretty formidable competition.

"Do You Like Hockey And Blow Jobs?"

My girl Heather over at Spokane's one and only Wrap Around Curl has written a most excellent post on female hockey fandom, inspired by douchebags who think saying things like "women belong in the kitchen" is actually funny.

I don't know about you, but I found it impossible not to read something entitled "Do you like hockey and blow jobs?" I followed up one emphatic "Yes!" with another one.

In all seriousness, I urge you to check it out. She's on point. And buy a "Tokarski Saves" shirt while you're at it, player.