Deep Thoughts

Inspired by Elliotte Friedman's "30 thoughts," here are some of my own. (Kiss my ass, originality.)

1. When it's all said and done for Jason Blake, I hope he donates his brain to science so we, as a people, can better understand some of his on-ice decisions. I've spent the better part of two seasons defending Blake's play and salary - his salary, not the length of his contract - but even I know where to draw the line. The fact that he's on pace for eight goals, with still two seasons left on his deal, makes it difficult to fall asleep at night.

2. What, exactly, does Luke Schenn do well? He's by no means fleet of foot, has nothing that resembles an NHL-caliber slap and/or wrist shot, doesn't move the puck exceptionally well, and has looked lost in the defensive zone on far too many occasions this season. I know he's no Drew Doughty, who put up excellent offensive numbers with the Guelph Storm, and I shouldn't compare the two of them, but are my expectations for Schenn out of touch for a guy the Maple Leafs traded up to draft, and selected fifth overall?

3. When Phil Kessel sets up shop on his off-wing on the power play, he reminds me of Mats Sundin. This warms my heart.

4. Has there been a more snake-bitten Maple Leaf forward this season than Nikolai Kulemin? He seems quicker on his feet, and is a solid forechecker, but three goals through 18 games is nothing but disappointing.

5. According to Jeff Blair, "John Mitchell looks like he's flat-lined into a fourth-line player." I want to argue, but I can't.

6. In the soul-crushing years post-lockout, I've allowed my expectations for certain young Maple Leafs defensemen to reach absolutely ridiculous levels. I led myself to believe that guys like Jay Harrison, Staffan Kronwall, Brendan Bell, Anton Stralman, Jaime Sifers, and even Andy Wozniewski, were credible NHL defensemen, destined for stardom, whom the Leafs found Detroit-style in the draft. Add Carl Gunnarsson's name to that list.

7. I'm not sure why, or when, it happened, but Lee Stempniak has become a favourite.

8. Speaking of Stempniak, Carlo Colaiacovo has already missed nine games this young season. Shocking.

9. Fire Ron Wilson. Hire Wayne Gretzky. He may not be the best coach out there, but he was destined to be a Maple Leaf one day.

10. The Maple Leafs consistently outwork their opponents. They outshoot their opponents 61-21. (And still lose.) So, does anybody else wish Gary Roberts would shut the fuck up?

11. Tomas Kaberle is one of the finest defenseman, and point-producers, to ever play for the Maple Leafs. My man crush on #15 borders on the twisted. But in another life, I'd love to see him play centre.

12. It was a lot easier to hate on the Leafs when one of the inmates, John Ferguson Jr., was running the asylum. While the Brian Burke era is still in its infancy, there's something deeply, deeply disturbing about the fact this team has won four of 22 games.

13. Christian Hanson is producing at a point-per-game pace down on the farm. Alex Foster was just named the American Hockey League's player of the week. Yet if anyone gets the call, I hope it's Jiri Tlusty. For reasons unbeknownst to me, I need him to succeed at the NHL level. And for the sake of my quickly deteriorating mental health, it must happen this season.

14. If the Chicago Blackhawks aren't willing to include a second-round draft pick in any Brent Sopel related deal with Toronto, and assign him to the minors, and he refuses to report, what happens to his salary vis-a-vis the cap?

15. As a fan, there's no worse feeling than when the Leafs lose to the New York Islanders. I believe Brian Burke had "truculence" confused with "suckulence." (ZING!!!1)

16. I wonder if Niklas Hagman regrets signing with Toronto. I hope he doesn't, but I would. Hagman's a treat to watch, and an absolute steal at $3 million a season.

17. Not Leafs related, but it's disrespectful to power forwards worldwide when Guillame Latendresse is called one.

18. How does Elliotte Friedman come up with 30 of these?

19. I once met Elliotte Friedman. At Cowboys in Calgary. He was super inebriated. Like any good journalist should be.

20. I hate @DHSpeedwagon. He is pure evil.

21. The Leafs have picked up four points in their last three games. That's .666 hockey. Playoffs!!1

At Last

I'm in Amsterdam, on route to New Delhi. I don't have much time. I paid three Euros for 15 valuable minutes on the internet.

I'll be back next week, and my biggest fear was coming home to the still-winless Toronto Maple Leafs. I need not worry anymore.

I'm celebrating the Maple Leafs' victory with the Dutch, and feel just about the same as Tomas Kaberle and Lee Stempniak, above.

Kaberle, five points. That's my boy.

The Hockey Sweater

Well, I finally did it. After years of saying I would, and after years of putting it off, yesterday, at last, it happened.

It's true: I'm the proud new papa of my very own Tomas Kaberle jersey. Ain't she a beauty?

It was a tough call, Kaberle over Luke Schenn. But, at the end of the day, it had to be done. Not enough people in this town pay homage to the man who was drafted 204th overall back in '96, and who has played 738 games on the blue line for the Toronto Maple Leafs.

What's that? No, asshole, Kabby's not being traded. And even if he is dealt, it doesn't change a thing. Kaberle is, and shall remain, one of the best defenceman to ever play for the Leafs. I will represent #15 with pride.

Whether you love the Leafs or hate them, you have to admit, there's something about that sweater. It's classic; the perfect jersey.

Anyway, you know this momentous occasion wouldn't be complete without the world famous ode to Tomas Kaberle, the lyrics to which I may or may not have completely memorized ...

The best $129.99 I've ever spent. Kabby for life, yo.

The Raycrap Report Vol. 9: It's happening...

You know, I went a whole month without writing one of these. It was good. A much needed respite from the goaltending disease known as Andrew Joseph Ernest Raycroft.

But my man in Colorado has been playing some games. Poorly, of course. And I think we all knew it was only a matter of time before that happened.

Anyway, I've decided that I'm not going to be so hard on Raycroft anymore. He's a terrible goalie. I think we all get it. Life goes on.

The only thing that matters from here on out is that, so as to keep the laws of the universe in proper working order, Vesa Toskala finishes the season with a higher save percentage than Raycroft. That's it.

And as you might have noticed, there now exists a sidebar on your right called "The Interns of the Iced Igloos," in honour of the one and only Joe Bowen. That's where I'm keeping score.

Thanks to a meagre .877 save percentage in his last four games (three losses and a no-decision), Raycroft's down to .894 on the season. Toskala, after his stellar February, is only half a percentage point behind him.

Well done, Vesa. You're almost there, my Finnish friend.

It's happening. The universe is righting itself. And it's a beautiful thing.

Deadline Day

It's tomorrow. And it's kind of a big deal.

Are you giddy with excitement? Or are you, like me, praying that come 3:00 PM eastern time on Wednesday, Tomas Kaberle is still a Toronto Maple Leaf? 

Look, you don't trade a guy with that much talent, at that price tag ($4.25 million), when you know the salary cap will be coming down. Period.

Plus, we need him for our PLAYOFFS! run.

Anyway, if you're hanging out on the internetz tomorrow, my man Down Goes Brown will be live-blogging the festivities, beginning first thing in the morning. Join him. And if he makes any rental player jokes about Mats Sundin, give him hell.

Deep Thoughts Vol. 18: Vesa's Back

I don't know what happened to the old, promiscuous Vesa Toskala. Matter of fact, I don't care. He's gone. And hopefully he's not coming back. Vesa's five-hole is no longer open for business, and that's all that matters.

So, a couple of public verbal floggings from Brian Burke and Ron Wilson, and some horrid play from Justin Pogge and his teammates, is all it took to get Toskala back into form? Seriously?

I don't know the answers. Why the hell do you think I'm asking you? But I'm guessing all Toskala needed was some motivation. And God knows Curtis "Old Yeller" Joseph wasn't providing it. Anyway, based on Vesa's recent play (3-0-1, .949 save %), Wilson and Burke look like the smartest guys in show business right now.

I must say, it's great to have the Vesa of old back in the fold. The good Vesa. The Vesa who can stop a few God damn pucks every now and then. He was sublime again last night, stopping 31 of 32 in regulation against the New York Rangers, and all three of their attempts in the shootout.

Yes, you read that correctly. Vesa Toskala stopped all three New York attempts in the shootout. Don't worry, after the game, I went out and bought me one of those scratch-and-win cards. I'll be yelling out "Bingo!" in my cubicle around 11:45 AM.

Toskala's save percentage now comes in at .888. Around these parts, we round up. So, that's 89%, my friends. Andrew Raycroft's checking in at .898. Keep doing what you're doing, Vesa. You're almost there, bro. No matter all the extremely distasteful things I've said about you this season, I still believe in you.

Bye Bye Bell

The forgotten man, Mark Bell, is now a New York Ranger. He hit the re-entry waiver wire yesterday and the Rangers, in their never-ending stupidity (see: Tortorella, John), claimed him. And, to think, I was excited about Bell joining Toronto a season and a half ago. Well done, John Ferguson Jr., well done.

Since he's a now officially a former Maple Leaf, Bell's career is on the upswing. Cue his career rejuvenation, starting...a now.

Kabby Ain't Going Nowhere

Brian Burke wants a first-round pick, a guy who can step in and play right now, and a top prospect for #15. Needless to say, Tomas Kaberle is going to remain a Toronto Maple Leaf past Wednesday's trade deadline, and I couldn't be happier about that.

To all those of you who were excited to see him go, cry me a God damn river.

Kaberle for life.

Best. Picture. Ever.

Dear Tomas Kaberle,

I'm not sure what the fuck happened, and why that picture was taken. But I'm so glad it was. It's full of win. And your eyebrows.

Way to represent the Toronto Maple Leafs at the all-star game, Kabby. It might have been your last time doing so as a member of the blue and white.

If it was, no; thank you. Trust me, the pleasure was all mine, my friend.

My only wish is that, if you do go, you'll end up somewhere you'll be appreciated.

No matter what happens in the coming days, I'll never forget your cross-ice pass. You always made it. Like I wouldn't believe.

I love you, man.

Yours forever,
eyebleaf

Just because...

I haven't posted it in so long, and because my head hurts too much right now to write anything substantial.

That is, most definitely, the song of 2008. A big thank you goes out to Stephen Sinisi, whom I reached out to and personally thanked, for creating the masterpiece above. You made my year, Stephen. Thanks again.

Anyway, so long 2008. You were a miserable sports year.

Here's to 2009, and some PLAYOFFS! action. Any PLAYOFFS! action.

Cheers.

Deep Thoughts Vol. 16: Descent Into Madness...

Winter has arrived in Toronto. The kind of cold that chills you to the bone. And with it, the realization that as sports fans in this great, but frigid, city, our nuclear winter is upon us.

It's the perfect storm.

Think about it. 

The only team the Maple Leafs can beat these days is the New York Islanders. I don't know about you, but last night's match-up was pretty depressing. I had a hard time, uh, getting up for that one.

Jeremy Williams did bring some enjoyment, however. He did what he always does in his first game up from the AHL: score. On top of his goal, he made Jason Blake look pretty good too, and that is no easy task, my friends. 

Blake killed my Williams-induced buzz by fist-pumping away like a jackass, again. Because, you know, the battle for 12th place in the Eastern Conference is just a riot. Idiot.

The Leafs have won 10 of 28 games. Cliff Fletcher wasn't kidding - it's going to be a long, arduous winter. All I have to look forward to, albeit very grudgingly, is the return Brian Burke must inevitably fetch for Tomas Kaberle. I only pray that Burke finds Kabby a good home. 

I've come to the realization that if I can deal with Mats Sundin leaving, I can deal with anything. Even Tomas. But that doesn't mean he won't take a piece of my heart with him when he walks out that door.

Think about it.

The Toronto Blue Jays are in Las Vegas, at baseball's annual winter meetings, with nary a penny to spend. In Vegas, with no loot. Can you imagine a fate more unjust? No money for the tables, no money for the Rhino, and certainly no money for top-tier free agents. My heart aches simply thinking about it.

I'm not the only one losing sleep over the fate of the local nine (I love calling them that). I'm beginning to worry about The Tao of Stieb, for real.

A.J. Burnett? Yeah, we're still talking about him. Sign elsewhere already, man.

Rafael Furcal? It's possible. Although I still don't think Marco Scutaro at shortstop is what's wrong with the 2009 Blue Jays.

Just pray that J.P. Ricciardi does something. Anything. For sanity's sake. I mean, I'm not calling for a John Thomspon signing like The Tao, but at this point, I'm all for signing Carl Pavano. Yes, even Carl Pavano. Such are the times. Frugality rules the day.

Think about it.

The Toronto Raptors have lost four in a row, and seven of their last 10. They sit in the basement of the division which they won only two years ago. Three games back of the New Jersey Nets, and a half game behind the New York Knicks. Yes, even the supremely dysfunctional Knickerbockers are sporting a better record than our dinosaurs.

If the Raptors regressed last year, what the hell are they doing this year? Re-regressing? This is not the way Bryan Colangelo drew it up, that's for sure.

Chris Bosh and company are in Lebronland, to face the 17-3 Cavaliers, tonight. I'm putting the savings on the line pretty sure that Jay Triano is going to have to wait a little bit longer for that first win. Do the right thing, and cover the eyes of the children. They don't need to see this one.

Think about it.

Even the Buffalo Bills' season came to Toronto to die.

Brace yourselves, people. Stay warm. Stay sane. Good luck, and Godspeed. 

Change Has Arrived...

Hello Toronto. 

If there is anyone out there who still doubts that Sports And The City is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of blogs, today is your answer.

It's the answer told by those who voted in numbers this blog has never seen; by people who waited two minutes and three minutes to vote, many for the very first time in their lives, because they believed that the Sports And The City banner must be different; that their voice could be that difference.

It's the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Mats Sundin fan and Tomas Kaberle fan, black, white, Latino, Asian, Native Canadian, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled - readers who sent a message to the world that this blog has never been about just Mats Sundin: this blog is, and always will be, about all the Toronto Maple Leafs.

It's the answer that led those who have been told for so long by so many to be cynical, and fearful, and doubtful of what this blog can achieve to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it toward the hope of a new Sports And The City banner.

It's been a long time coming, but today, because of what we did in October, in this poll, at this defining moment, change has come to Sports And The City...

As you can see above, it's official: Tomas Kaberle has been added to the Sports And The City banner. And I must say, he looks fucking fantastic up there.

A huge thank you goes out to the Sports And The City one-man marketing department, my boy Deaner. He's a rudey. He's also recently joined the blogosphere. Clearly I'm not paying him adequately, or giving him enough work to do. You can check him out at The 25th Hour.

In celebration of Tomas' ascension to the banner and the change that has come on this special day, I present to you, for probably the 15th time, the Kaberle song. Yes, I am obsessed with it.

Fuck. I love that tune.

Once again, cheers to everyone who voted. You are the change you seek...

And the winner is...

The one and only, Tomas Kaberle, defenceman for the Maple Leafs.

You - the people - have spoken, and it's change you have voted for. Kaberle will replace Mats Sundin in the Sports And The City banner, and I can't say I'm surprised. Kabby does, after all, "make cross-ice pass like you won't believe."

For those that voted for Mats, thank you, and fret not. Sundin will live on forever in our hearts. 

The results of the poll were actually rather close. Kaberle won it with 44 votes, while Mats came in at 40. Vesa Toskala finished third with 19 votes. Like my man Barack Obama says, every vote counts.

Thanks to everyone that participated. Appreciation is there. I'll get the Sports And The City one-man marketing department on it.

Happy Anniversary, Tomas

Ten years. Can you believe it has already been ten years together? Time flies. It really does. It has been a remarkable journey, and I want you to know, Tomas Kaberle, that I love you.

Before I continue, I must apologize for my most brutal photoshop skills. As you can see, I have none. I don't know how guys like Greener and Chemmy do it. But, like I always tell my girlfriend, it's the thought that counts.

Oh, Tomas. Where do I begin? You came out of nowhere 10 years ago and stole my heart. You've held it ever since. I'll never forget the first time I saw that smile, and those rosy cheeks.

I remember our first night together, October 10th, 1998, like it was yesterday. The Detroit Red Wings, the defending Stanley Cup champions, were in town. We had a new coach, a new goaltender, and a new attitude. Coming off a disastrous season in which the Leafs missed the playoffs, no one knew what to expect.

Wait a minute, that sounds familiar, doesn't it?

Tomas, you were new on the blue line that night, yet you quickly showed that you belonged. You helped start the season on the right foot. We were victorious that night 10 years ago, 2-1, and on Monday morning at school we, the die-hard Maple Leafs fans, were all abuzz over #15 on the blue line. I won't lie, Tomas. Not on a day as special as this. You had me at hello.

Like any long term relationship worth a damn, we've battled. We've been through our ups and downs. We've seen the good and the bad. Sure, we've had great times: the lengthy playoff runs, and the All-Star game appearances. We've also had our troubles: your contract holdout in 2001, douchebags laying you out with late hits, the Paul Maurice years (try to block them out), and, of course, the NHL lockout of 2004/2005.

I missed you so much during the lockout, Tomas. It was, arguably, the most difficult year of my life. A long, cold, depressing winter without you. Without the Toronto Maple Leafs. Without hockey. Oh, how it hurts my heart to just think about those days. 

You, however, had faith. You said we needed the time apart, to figure things out on our own, and you were right. You returned in due time, just as you said you would; a man of your word. Sure, the lockout didn't mean a damn thing as player salaries are once again completely out of control, and the salary cap's floor has gone through the ceiling. Sure, the Leafs have missed the playoffs three seasons in a row and all signs are pointing to that trend continuing. Sure, all your closest friends in the dressing room have been shown the door. None of that matters, Tomas. What matters is that you're still here with me. Where you belong. 

(Allow me to keep it real for a moment: it also matters that Kaberle comes at a very reasonable price. Thank you.) 

I know that last year some people tried to tear us apart. Others will try and do the same this year. They're jealous of our love. Fuck Jeff Carter. Fuck a first round pick. Call me selfish. Call me a stupid face. I don't care. Tomas, you're the one I want here in Toronto, and we must stray strong. Until death  Cliff Fletcher asks you to waive your no-trade clause (again) do us part, right? Right. 

My point is, we've persevered. Here we are, 10 years deep, 10 years strong. Ten glorious years. Have I told you how much I love the way you rush the puck up ice today? Nobody starts a break out like you do, Tomas. Nobody. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. And your tribute song on YouTube, which is now my cell phone ring tone I might add, says it best: "He make cross-ice pass like you won't believe."

It's been one hell of a ride, Tomas. I've enjoyed every second of it with you. As we embark on another chapter in our lives together down in Detroit tonight, all I want us to do is live for the moment, and live for today. I know everyone in the world thinks the Leafs are going to be terrible this season. Let's prove them wrong. Fuck John Tavares. Fuck Victor Hedman. I mean, who knows how long we have left together? Who knows how long we have left on this earth? I won't be cheering for the Leafs to lose. I don't have it in me. I'll be cheering for you, Tomas, and for the rest of the boys. Live for today. Have faith. Let's shock the world.

I'm counting on you, Tomas, like I always have. Regardless of what letter you've got on your jersey, you are the leader of the Toronto Maple Leafs. I know that Mats Sundin has taught you well, and I know that you won't disappoint. Make me proud, Tomas, like you always have.

Please, raise your glass. I love you Tomas Kaberle. Here's to 10 years. And ten more.

Go Leafs Go.