"SimmonsSays"

Right off the top: I don't read Steve Simmons' work. In this case, it just happened. And while I hate to do this, Simmons leaves me no choice. This one's for you, CoxBloc ...

"The normal July selloffs in baseball are of players with expiring contracts, which makes the Roy Halladay situation all the more confounding. Why the need to trade him now? Why is it necessary, with another season left on his contract, not knowing what next year will bring, who the new president or general manager will be, or how this Blue Jays team will be comprised? Why not try to build around him for what could be his final season in Toronto rather than make this his final weekend with the Jays?"

A) Doc isn't a lock to be traded.

2) J.P. Ricciardi knows his asset is going to test free agency. He wouldn't be doing his job if he didn't put Halladay on the market, as he's done.

D) We all know the Jays can't afford to let Halladay walk for only two compulsory draft picks. Well, everyone except Mr. Simmons, clearly.

And now, some fun with numbers: if a team, say, I don't know, the Philadelphia Phillies, acquires Doc today, they have him guaranteed, apart from injury, as part of their rotation for eight months. If the Phillies acquire Halladay next July, in 2010, they've got him for two months. You tell me, is eight greater than two? Very good. If the competition wants Halladay for eight months, along with his exclusive negotiating rights, the price goes up. Bottom line: Doc's value will never be higher. Math; it's some crazy shit.

"Clearly J.P. Ricciardi lacks the vision and the creativity to build a winner. That much we know. So we reiterate the question we asked last week: Why, if Ricciardi is certain to be gone, is he the one handling the Halladay trade talks? And why, if he will have nothing to do with the future of the Jays is he involved in the transaction that supposedly will set this team up for the future?"

Amazing. Simmons goes out his way to point out that Doc is under contract through 2010, but fails to mention that same fact about Ricciardi. Nicely done. And let's file the "Ricciardi is certain to be gone" statement alongside "Mats Sundin needs immediate hip surgery, and may be forced to retire." (No, Simmons will never live that one down.)

As for the potential trade, even my mom, upstairs, knows that the Halladay decision is not being made by Ricciardi alone; J.P.'s not hiding in a closet at the Rogers Centre, making the deal on his cell phone. Assistant GMs Alex Anthopoulos and Tony LaCava are heavily involved, as is Paul Beeston, and ownership. To suggest that Ricciardi is making the decision all by his lonesome is, well, Toronto Sun reporting.

"A Ricciardi question: Has there ever been a more unpopular GM in Toronto history? And that's including Gerry McNamara and John Ferguson Jr."

A Simmons question: Has there ever been a more unpopular sports reporter in Toronto history? And that's including Howard Berger and Damien Cox.

"Used to think Scott Rolen was a real pro until he turned down a simple television request for an interview the other day. Hey Scott, this ain't St. Louis, pal. Part of the millions you make is to try to sell the product ..."

The fact that Simmons no longer likes Rolen makes me like the hulking third baseman even more. GBJOAT - Greatest Blue Jay of All Time.

"When Mark Buehrle threw his perfect game this week, he became the 17th White Sox pitcher to throw a no-hitter. That's 16 more than the Jays can boast."

When the Chicago White Sox won the World Series in 2005, it was their first title in 88 years, since 1917. That's one fewer than the Jays can boast. But, yeah, keep working on those no-hitters and perfect games, Jays pitchers. Just one? Pathetic.

Never. Reading. Simmons. Again.

Jiri's "Tlusty"

I've always heard that chicks from the Czech Republic are a little "wild." They like to drink, party, and have a good time. It seems the men of the Czech Republic are no different. Just ask 19-year-old Maple Leafs rookie Jiri Tlusty...

The morning after the Leafs lost 4-3 to the Montreal Canadiens in overtime, it was Tlusty who made the front page of the Toronto Sun. And not because he scored a couple of goals.

By now, most everyone knows the story. Nude photos of Tlusty ended up online on a Canadian gossip website, isthishappening.com. Tlusty took the photos himself, last year, on his cell phone while standing in front of a mirror. The pictures, it seems, didn't leave much to the imagination. Neither did the Sun's headline: "Lusty Tlusty."

After the game on Tuesday night the Leafs released two press releases: one from Tlusty, apologizing for the photos and his poor judgement, and one from general manager John Ferguson Jr., addressing the photos and showing support for the soon-to-be maligned rookie.

Leave it to the Toronto media to blow the story completely out of proportion and make it a much bigger deal than it should have been. While the topic of discussion at Leafs' practice yesterday should have been another squandered third period lead, all everyone wanted to talk about was Jiri's, well, "Tlusty."

As for The Toronto Sun, I'm not sure what their editorial board is smoking, but it's definitely some high-quality stuff. While our great nation is set to launch a public inquiry in to one of our former Prime Minister's, The Sun chose to go with Tlusty on their front page. Brilliant. Once again, the Toronto Sun showed why it's the laughing stock of Toronto's daily newspapers.

Here's my question regarding the nudey shots of Tlusty: who gives a damn? The Leafs have bigger problems to deal with. You know, like being the worst defensive team in the league. Yeah, that little issue.

Sure, it's a tad embarrassing for Tlusty and the organization, but it's not like he set up a dog-fighting ring and put down a few Old Yeller's. It's not like he beat his girlfriend, or set up a drug deal. He didn't get piss drunk and get behind the wheel (sorry, Mark Bell). So what's the big deal?

The pictures were taken last season while Tlusty was a member of the Sault Ste. Marie Greyhounds. Let's be honest folks, there isn't a whole lot to do up in the Soo. Tlusty was probably drunk (at least I hope he was), was trying to get in some girl's panties, and took some glamour shots of himself to help his cause. He made a stupid decision and got taken advantage of when someone leaked the photos online. Life goes on. How does it effect his play, or the team's play, on the ice? It doesn't, but all the negative media attention certainly does.

The Globe and Mail's Tim Wharnsby called it "another low" for the Leafs while The Star's Damien Cox wrote a whole freaking column about it. Cox really kills me sometimes. I love the guy's writing, partly because I disagree with him most of the time and he gets me going, but his column yesterday was just too much.

Cox went as far as saying Tlusty soiled "the team's famous emblem" and that upon hearing of the photos, Tlusty should have been sent back down to the minors. Cox said the Leafs are no longer a team of real tradition and only push propoganda like their slogan "The Passion That Unites Us All."

Well, I take exception to that. In part because I've got the Leafs logo with "The Passion That Unites Us All" written underneath it as my desktop background on my computer at work. It ain't propoganda to me, regardless of Tlusty's photo-op.

The truth is, I don't give a damn what hockey players, and professional athletes in general, do when they're not at the rink. If Tlusty enjoys taking nudey glamour shots of himself in the mirror and posting them on his Facebook page, by all means Jiri, knock yourself out. If Tlusty is gay (the photo on the cover of the Sun had him tonguing another male), all the power to him. All I care about is wins and losses and, right now, there aren't enough wins in the win column.

Vesa Toskala could be cross-dresser when he's not at the rink for all I care, but if he stops the puck 91 times out of 100 shots when he's on the ice, he's the man. It's as simple as that.

Tlusty's only 19 years old. He's a kid. Let's keep that in mind, Damien Cox. We all pounded a few beers back in our teenager days and did some stupid stuff we're not proud of. Heck, sometimes I didn't even need the beer to perform random acts of idiocy. Luckily, for those old enough, the internet wasn't around back then to document our stupidity. For Tlusty, now a public figure in the most scrutinized hockey market in the world, it's a valuable lesson learned. I'm sure after yesterday, he's got it written down on a post-it note - no more posting or emailing nudey pics. It's a no-no. Especially in this town.

Get over it, Toronto. The Leafs have much, much bigger fish to fry...