October 13, 2008

Fist Pump 101

Last week in the comments section over at Fenway West I ripped Boston Red Sox miniature douchebag Dustin Pedroia for his extremely poor fist pump etiquette. Well, it seems Toronto's own Jason Blake needs to touch up on his fist pump manners as well.


For the record, I'd like to say that I am not a big fan of the timeless art of the fist pump. I've never really enjoyed Tiger's, I hate Nadal's, Sean Avery looks like a complete douche when he does his thing, and Danielle Briere, who has employed the fist pumpage after every single goal he has ever scored in his life (even empty net goals), has ruined the fist pump for me forever.

As for Blake, one of the few, if not only, fist pumpers on the Leafs, my man just needs a quick lesson. A fist pump refresher, you know? We all forget sometimes. No big deal.

So, Jason, the next time the Maple Leafs are down 5-0 and you score a power play goal, which happens to be a tap-in into an empty net because the goaltender is out of position, please use your mother fucking brain and refrain from the fist pump celebration. I know, you're excited, you're a cancer survivor, and you're probably just happy to be alive. I get that. I too am happy for you. In the negative hell hole which has become Leafs Nation, I'm one of your biggest supporters. I even picked you in my hockey pool, that's how much faith I've got in you.

But, please, the next time you want to use the fist pump, first think about the score. It matters. In fact, I would love it if you could do me a solid and save the fist pump for only game-tying or game winning goals, in the third period or later. Thanks man.

That's it. I told you, just a quick refresher. 

What about you, are you a fan of the fist pump? Do you use it when you score on the ice, or in the bedroom? Are you looking to spruce up your fist pump, or add it to your repertoire? This might help. Good luck, and Godspeed.

16 comments:

PPP said...

You only fist pump on huge goals and you either do the Gretzky or you drag your leg like you are trying to stay onside. You do not get down on one knee or do the fist-pump/jump up combo that Danielle does.

It's not hard to grasp but Blake will manage to do it wrong about a dozen times this year.

At least he got off the mark early...

Repressed Optimism said...

As Don Cherry has said the past:

'Act like you've scored before'.

Especially when the score is as unflattering as it was when Blake did this.

Down Goes Brown said...

Why don't we ask Habs fans what they think? I hear they're all notorious fist-pumpers.

Ian H. said...

I saw that, and wondered why Blake was celebrating as if he scored an overtime winner in game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals. Closing the gap to only a 6-1 loss is NOT cause for celebration.

eyebleaf said...

@ PPP: I hate the one-knee fist pump the most. Briere, that little bitch, has mastered it.

@ Repressed: That fist pump was unjustifiable. You never saw the classy guys like Gilmour or Sundin ever do a fist pump. It says a lot about the man.

@ DGB: That's a good idea but, on second thought, screw the Habs fans.

@ Ian: The fist pump made me think that Blake was playing for himself, not the team. A strange, strange move.

Marvelous win said...

Just for you i am doing the fist pump the next time i score... if i ever score... hey think about this if i score even if we lose 10 - 1 it's still a cause for celebration..

eyebleaf said...

Marvelous, if and WHEN you do score, I will leave my crease, meet you at centre ice, and we will fist pump, on one knee, together. When it does happen, the score in the game will be irrelevant. It will be a celebration the likes of which we have never seen before.

Karnage said...

lol, funny ass post, but minus one point for not mentioning the ARNOLD PALMER FIST PUMP! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2dFH0wz6mg

look at him go!

eyebleaf said...

Karnage that Arnie Palmer fist pump action is pretty ill. I might have to use it. Yessssssssssssssssss.

The Ack said...

Bernie Nicholls should collect royalties on the fist pump. That's right - Bernie Nicholls.

Tex said...

The only fist pumps I like are the ones I watch on the internet late at night.

You realize you somehow managed to compare Tiger and that shit Avery?? In my book, Tiger has carte blanche to fist pump away. Its his TM, and he's definitely earned it.

@ Repressed - Despite what I said above, I agree when it comes to hockey and football players.

eyebleaf said...

@ Ack: Bernie Nicholls, I remember that guy. He scored like 70 goals once. I tried to find some Nicholls fist pumping action on YouTube, but no dice.

@ Tex: I'm not even going to touch your fist pump internet joke. That's your business. As for Tiger, you're right, if there's one guy who's earned the right to fist pump, it's Tiger. And he's had some crazy dramatic fist pumps too. I'm just not a fan anymore of the fist pump (I blame Briere), and Tiger's is arguably the most famous of all, that's why included him. But you're right, to compare Avery and Tiger is just wrong.

showcase29 said...

the nhl should take a page out of the nfl's rulebook, and make it an unsportsmanlike penalty

The Ack said...

I just remember the move being patented as the "Pumper Nicholls" for his "drag the leg" style single fist pump. Probably mixed in a solid "Whoo!". Classic.

eyebleaf said...

@ showcase29: this isn't the No Fun League

@ Ackage: "Pumper Nicholls?" Seriously? That's fucking awesome.

Lloyd the Barber said...

Tiger can fistpump whenever he likes. He can do it getting the mail, he can do it in his sleep.

Tiger has soundly defeated life, his fistpumpery is well-earned.