The Raycrap Report Vol. 3: Dear Vesa Toskala,

No, Vesa, I didn't photoshop that picture. That is Andrew Raycroft making a glove save on Marty St. Louis. In a shootout, no less.

Raycroft won again last night, Vesa. No, I'm not fucking around. Check the box score, bro. That's seven wins for him this season. Yep, half as many as you have. And you've started 34 games compared to his nine.

You know what else? His 2.71 GAA blows your 3.27 out the frame. But fuck the goals against average. We all know it's the save percentage that really matters. Well, the news isn't good on that front either, my friend. Raycroft's sporting a .894 to your .885. Almost a full percentage point better than you.

No, Vesa, I don't want to hear it. I don't care if the Avalanche are scoring goals for him. In his last five games, Raycroft's allowed only 11 goals, and won them all. Where has that type of consistency been from you? Where, dammit?

This is tough for me, man. You have to know that. Here I am, the guy telling people not to boo Bryan McCabe, now comparing you to Andrew Raycroft, the one guy I hate with every fibre of my being.

You've let me down, Vesa. I've been one of your biggest supporters, and one of your ardent defenders. But how long can I carry on this charade? After 34 games this season with you between the pipes, I don't think I can say that you're a legitimate number one goalie. I'm sorry.

It makes me sick to my stomach that the Leafs are, once again, one of the worst defensive teams in the league. It makes me nauseous to see that the team is killing penalties at an absolutely unacceptable 73% success rate. As much as I complain about Ron Wilson not being able to change the defensive and penalty killing fortunes of this team, I know that a big part of those dastardly numbers are, well, weak goaltending. Like Will Smith said, "Yo fault."

Look, I'm not saying Raycroft is a number one goalie. Even my Dadima knows he's not. But I don't care how many more games you play than that rat bastard, your numbers, especially your save percentage, have to be better than his.

It's time to look in the mirror, my Finnish friend. If your groin is hurt, tell Ron Wilson you need some time, and let the God damn injury heal. There's no point trotting you out there every night if you're going to give us pathetic goaltending. I mean, we've got Curtis Joseph for that.

You were supposed to be one of the few bright spots on this team this season, Vesa. You were supposed to be one of our "assets." Half the season is in the books, and you're having the worst season of your career, bar none. It's time to start giving a damn.

With love,

eyebleaf

The Raycrap Report Vol. 1: Schadenfreude

Andrew Raycroft must moonlight as a magician. Somehow, someway, he has managed to convince the good folks down in Colorado that he is still an NHL calibre goalie. David Blaine would be impressed.

This is the beginning of a new feature at Sports And The City - The Raycrap Report - where we follow the struggles of every Toronto Maple Leafs fan's favourite former goalie: Andrew Joseph Ernest Raycroft. It's schadenfreude at its finest, my friends.

I know, I could have (and probably should have) called it The Raycroft Report, but, well, no. That's a little too mature for my taste, thank you very much. 

I've got to tip my cap to MF37, or The Sage as I like to call him, over at Bitter Leaf Fan Page for providing the inspiration for The Raycrap Report. MF37 is a calm, cool and collected individual. He writes a great blog, and is one of the few Leafs fans I know who is able to maintain a relatively even keel when it comes to our frustrating Leafs. He doesn't get all emotional like me. He is the alter-eyebleaf.

But even MF37 has hatred for Andrew Raycroft:

"I would eat up a Raycroft Report with a freakin' spoon. Even if he was playing road hockey with his kids and let in a softy I'd be happy to wallow in it. That rat bastard Raycroft necessitated the deal for Toskala and in total cost the franchise Rask, 1, 2, 4 round picks and a shot at the playoffs."

When MF37 is calling someone a "rat bastard," you know it's serious business.

Here in Toronto, we paid a heavy, heavy price for Raycroft. Countless, mindless casualties. The above is all that we have left: bitterness. And it spares no one; all of us have got it. I happen to be the poster child. And all of it stems from only two years and 90 odd games of #1 in the net. It's rather remarkable, really, when you think about it.

Also equally remarkable is the fact that Raycroft has already equalled his win total of last season: two. I know, he deserves a fresh batch of cookies from the ladies. His stats, however, are downright pathetic.

Raycroft was ravaged in his latest start on October 30th against Columbus, allowing four goals on only 14 shots. He was back on the bench, where he belongs, to begin the third period. One of the goals was scored from behind the goal line. Another two were scored high, glove side. Imagine that.

Raycroft's save percentage, you ask? .839. Ten goals allowed on 62 shots. And a 3.76 GAA. In the two games he was victorious, the Avs scored 10 goals. Yep, that's about right.

I'm not sure how much longer Raycroft can keep the wool pulled over the eyes of Avalanche management. He doesn't belong in the NHL, and I think it's only a matter of time before the Avalanche bus leaves without him. 

Anyone up for a $20 wager? I'm calling Tuesday, November 18th. By that day, Raycroft will have been sent to the minors, waived, or injured in a "freak accident." Holla!

Curtis Joseph may be looking every bit like the 41-year-old he is between the pipes for Toronto right now, but even he is no Raycroft. There is only one.

Chin up, poor Avalanche fans. I know what you're going through. Don't worry, soon your nightmare will be over.

Stay tuned for another installment of The Raycrap Report. I doubt there will be too many more.