Stealing Home: Loonies!1

Loonies! The game within the baseball game. Not enough people are playing it. At least I didn't see enough people playing it on #TBRTOAL.

Read all about the beautiful game and how it's played at GlobeSports.com. And remember: Know Your Limit. Play Within it.

Sunday Night Football

Greetings from the Indian subcontinent. Candolim beach in northern Goa, to be exact. The weather and surroundings are beautiful here. I'm making a point to enjoy both for each and every one of you.

I trust you spent your Sunday night watching football. I certainly did. On two giant projection screens. But not the game you're thinking of; Chelsea vs. Arsenal. The J29 Sports Bar here in Candolim was filled with English and Russian tourists, taking in the Premiership clash. Upon entering the outdoor restaurant, a gentlemen stopped me dead in my tracks: "You want to bet on the game, mate?" Don't mind if I do. I dropped 100 rupees on a 2-1 Chelsea final, with 6-1 odds. The restaurant's bookie had three pages of odds, from everything to the first shot, first goal, and even first team to hit the woodwork. Clearly, J29 was my type of place.

Thanks to Petr Cech, my bet was a losing one. But I can't be mad. Not at a superb goaltender. Cech is so good I almost want to become a Chelsea supporter. It was 100 rupees, or $2.44, well spent.

Speaking of 100 rupees, that's how much a 551 ml bottle of Kingfisher Indian beer goes for. Again, $2.44 very well spent. As a child, the beauty of visiting India was that it meant as much Coke, Sprite and Limca the heart could desire. Anything but water. As an adult, it's even better. Beer, beer, and more beer. Safety first, right?

And, you guessed it, "Kingfisher" is the first Indian word you need to learn. Practice makes perfect. I'm sure you'll be fine.

Back to the footy match, for a second. The Arsenal/Chelsea rivalry, and the fact that it transcends borders, only drives home the point that Toronto needs another ice hockey team. If the greater London area sports five teams in the Premiership, it's absolutely absurd that only one hockey team calls Toronto home. Yes, this is where you throw in your "And they're barely a hockey team!!!1" joke. Thanks.

And Didier Drogba. Jeez. Twelve games vs. Arsenal, and 12 goals to his name, after two Sunday night. Quite the performance, especially the second marker, coming off his left foot. Drogba's Arsenal's daddy.

Some final thoughts before I leave you:

• In 76 starts over the past two seasons with Toronto, Vesa Toskala posted two shutouts. In two starts in one week as a Maple Leaf, J.S. Giguere has done the same. The Leafs have already won this trade.
• My man Ian from The Blue Jay Hunter will be picking up the slack for me while I'm gone, and running the Vernon Wells Hatred Advisory System once baseball gets going. I imagine the hatred levels will be elevated as soon as spring training begins. The pressure will be on Wells from the get go. Remember: please don't boo him at the Dome. Give him a chance. Believe, dammit.

Until we meet again ...

Gone Vegasin'

I'm off to the beautiful, sunny, and warm Las Vegas strip. I've got bets to make: $100 each on the Maple Leafs to win the Stanley Cup, the Raptors to win the NBA Finals, and the Blue Jays to win the World Series.

I'm hoping the stars will align and, in the end, deliver the trifecta. Considering my odds, I might be able to retire. Freedom 27.

When I return, I trust I'll find the Maple Leafs in the win column.

See you next week.

(And let me know what you think of the white background.)

No More Bets

Watching six hours of televised Toronto Blue Jays baseball in succession is in no way, shape, or form good for you. It is not recommended. Four hours has got to be the legal limit when viewing Toronto's average baseball team, and listening to the dynamic duo of Jamie Campbell and Rance Mulliniks.

The 2009 ballclub has been difficult to watch. I believe the term "soul crushing" is the one most bandied about. Unfortunately for me, they're about to inflict more damage. On my wallet. Bets of $100, $50, and a steak dinner (at Mendy's), are on the line.

Bet #1: Sure, my man Stephen Amell is about to hit the road for Hollywood, but that doesn't mean we no longer have a wager ($100 and an autograph from Mike Wilner) to settle. You remember: eight categories, over/under, seven worth one point, wins worth two points; highest total score takes it.

1. Wins - over/under 80.5 (worth two points):

After dropping both games of the doubleheader, the Jays are 59-72; playing .450 baseball. In order to get to the magical .500 mark, to 81 wins, Toronto must win 22 of their final 31 games; they must play .710 baseball.

I'm clearly still in this one. Nil-nil. (Yes, I am.)

2. Vernon Wells games played - over/under 125.5:

Staying healthy is about the only thing Wells has been able to accomplish this season. He's played 128 games. Chalk one up for the good guy. And, Vernon: "Congratulations on a job ... done." One-nothing, eyebleaf.

3. Home opener attendance - over/under 49,500:

I lost this one months ago; 1-1.

4. Roy Halladay wins - over/under 17.5:

I cannot fucking believe this one is in jeopardy. Since coming off the disabled list June 29th, Halladay has gone 3-7, with two no-decisions. And, I'm sorry, but the "rattled by trade rumours" excuse doesn't fly with me. Doc's a pro athlete, and makes millions of dollars. It's part of the business. Deal with it. And this after years of everyone lauding him as the most mentally prepared pitcher they'd ever seen.

Doc hasn't pitched well of late. He'd be the first to admit it. What's worse: he's not throwing his best pitch. If he's hurt, he shouldn't be pitching. If he's not, has he quit on his team? I shudder to think.

Doc's got about six starts left. I'm not ready to concede this point to SA just yet.

5. Combined HRs Lyle Overbay & Scott Rolen - over/under 35.5:

Rolen's back off the disabled list down in Cincinnati, and has hit one HR in 13 games; none since returning from injury. On the season, he's got nine. The power is gone. Platoon player Overbay (thanks Cito) has hit 13. I concede this one; 2-1, Stephen.

6. Alex Rios Home Runs - over/under 22.5:

In 16 games with Chicago, Rios is hitting .167/.177/.283. That's a laughable .461 OPS. Change has not been kind to Alex. He's stuck on 15 HRs, and went yard three times in June, July, and August. I've no reason to believe he'll hit eight the rest of the way, but that's never stopped me before. Two-one Stephen, three categories in question.

7. B.J. Ryan Saves - over/under 31.5 games:

Old wounds. It's hard to believe the man is no longer even in the pros. Three-one, Stephen.

8. 2009 SkyDome attendance - over/under 2,000,000:

According to ESPN, Toronto is averaging 23,904 fans a game; good for 23rd in the league. (According to The Globe and Mail, that same number ranks them 29th. I'm not sure how that works, but that's neither here nor there.) After 66 games, 1,577,729 have passed through the SkyDome's turnstiles.

With 15 games left to play at dome, if the Jays continue to meet their average of 23,904, they'll finish the season at 1,936,289. (Way to pick the line, SA, you jerk.) However, four of the 15 games are against the New York Yankees, three of them this upcoming long Labour Day weekend. Help a brother out, upstate New Yorkers. This one's still in play.

In closing: it's 3-1 Stephen. All I need is for the Jays to play .710 baseball the rest of the way, for Roy Halladay to win all his remaining starts, for Alex Rios to hit eight home runs, and for the Jays to average 28,152 fans in September. Good luck the rest of the way, and in Hollywood, SA.

(I'm fucked.)

Bet #2: Using the line Stephen set for wins, over/under 80.5, renowned Blue Jays hater PPP took the under. Only $50 is on the line, but this one hurts. For some sick, twisted reason, PPP enjoys nothing more than the suffering of Blue Jays fans. It's not even about the money. I'd simply rather not give him the satisfaction. Here's hoping Cito's got another 10-game win streak up his sleeve. Although even that probably won't be enough. Fuck. While that 27-14 start sure was enjoyable, it's causing much heartache months later.

Bet #3: I know the one and only Baltimore Orioles fan who lives in Toronto. Quite well, actually. As a matter of fact, when it comes to baseball, we have a lot in common. We're both in very abusive relationships. Anyway, we got creative on this one; you have to when each party supports a terrible team. The parameters: if the Orioles finish the season within 3.5 games of the Blue Jays (or better, but let's be serious...), I'm paying at Senior's. Four games back or more, and TOBOF (Toronto's Only Baltimore Orioles Fan) is footing the bill.

Heading into Wednesday, Baltimore trails Toronto by six. I may be out $150 come October 5th, but I'm quite certain I'll be eating well shortly thereafter.

Of course, none of the above has stopped me from trying to make things a little more ... interesting. My luck is bound to change.

Bet #4: I've got a two-four on the line with Burgundy from Stay Classy that the Toronto Maple Leafs will finish higher in the standings than the Ottawa Senators this season. I've cashed that cheque already.

The Wager

Remember the Blue Jays bet I made with Stephen Amell from Searching For '93, back in March? You know; eight categories, over/under, seven worth one point, wins worth two points, highest total score wins.

And, of course, $100 and a videotaped autograph with Mike Wilner on the line.

Well, I joined SA on a podcast for an update. Thanks to some fine handicapping by Mr. Amell, the score is tight, and it should be fun to see how it plays out over the summer months.

Have a listen. As SA put it: "Along the way, we may or may not talk about Twitter, Jeff Blair, the Raptors, Reggie Evans, Bryan Colangelo, the Stanley Cup Finals and, um, other stuff. It's a great conversation."

Enjoy. If you get through the whole thing, you're a trooper, and I'd love to know your thoughts.

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A Simple Decision

What to do on a Friday night: head down to the Rogers Centre and watch Roy Halladay abuse the Florida Marlins? Or head to a local establishment to watch game seven of the Stanley Cup Finals between the Red Wings and Penguins? (Win that shit, Hossa.)

In all honesty, it's a no-brainer. Doc only starts 15-to-17 home games a year.

(Another) Podcast, Please

My good friend and yours, Stephen Amell, from Searching for '93, had me join him on another podcast to talk some more Toronto Blue Jays baseball. This time, we were betting on the Blue Jays. Well, I was betting on the Jays. Stephen was busy betting against them.

Here's a link to the mp3. Have a listen. I guarantee you will enjoy the song off the top. Anyway, we lay down our bets, talk some hockey, where I admit to the world that I am a New York Islanders dynasty denier, and, brace yourselves, even talk about the weather. In Canadian Celsius of course, my American friends. You know who you are. But, yes, exciting shit.

No, I'm not going to tell you what we bet on. You have to listen to the podcast, silly.

Alright. Fine.

There's eight categories, each being an over/under, and each worth one point, with the exception of the first category; wins. It's worth two points. Whoever accumulates the most points at the end of the season is the victor. Scientific, I know.

Categories:

1. Blue Jays O/U wins: 80.5

2. Vernon Wells O/U games played: 125.5

3. Home opener O/U number of fans: 49,500

4. Roy Halladay O/U wins: 17.5

5. Lyle Overbay & Scott Rolen O/U combined home runs: 35.5

6. Alex Rios O/U home runs: 22.5

7. B.J. Ryan O/U saves: 31.5

8. Total attendance O/U for the season: 2,000,000

I took the over. On all of them. If that surprises you, you're an idiot. I'm nothing if not a fatally optimistic homer. And I probably wouldn't be too good at The Price Is Right.

Logic? You want logic? Look, no Blue Jays team led by the Gastonian one is winning fewer than 81 games. Especially not this one ... Am I worried about Vernon's health? Sure I am. But the way I see it, with his bum hamstring, he's getting the injury over with now ... Will the home opener be a sellout? It better be, Toronto ... Barring injury, Doc's winning 18 games. Actually, more ... Can Overbay and Rolen combine for 36 home runs? Let's just say that's probably the stupidest over I went with, but that doesn't mean it's not going to happen ... Alex Rios is going to be frighteningly good this season. Frighteningly. Good ... If The Beej can save 32 games 10 months post-Tommy John, he can do it again in '09 ... As for total attendance, when the Jays are well on their way to winning the pennant, people will be rushing to the Rogers Centre SkyDome. Daily.

So, there you have it. A cool, crisp $100 is on the line. And I'm sure Stephen and I will update you as to who's closer to glory over the summer. We've also decided that the loser (Stephen, eventually) has to be videotaped getting an autograph from the one and only Mike Wilner. In a perfect world, the loser (Stephen, eventually) will pay me via one of those massive cheques, which will then be presented to me by the one and only Monsieur Wilner. (Let us know, Mike.)

Oh, and I've decided: when Roy Halladay is pitching at home this season, I'm heading downtown. A little walk-up ticket action, please. He's worth the price of admission, every time. And like I said in the podcast, he won't be around forever.

Remember to regularly check out Searching for '93. Stephen's got a new layout, and is doing his thing. Follow him on Twitter (follow me, as well), get him up in your RSS reader, and subscribe to his podcast. He's good people. While it will pain me to take his hard-earned money, it's something I must do.

And if you're interested in getting in on some of the monetary action, I'm still taking bets on the Jays winning more than 80.5 games. If you're foolishly thinking under, holla at ya boy, along with how much you're willing to lose. Want to shit on the Jays? (PPP, I'm looking at you.) Put your money where your mouth is.

For the last fucking time: Blue Jays baseball ... you gotta believe.

UPDATE: PPP is taking the under on wins. $50 on the line. I'm going to be fucking rich come September.