Truculence? Check.

Brian Burke, if nothing else, is a man of his word. Saith Burke, back on November 29, 2008, when he became the man to fix the Toronto Maple Leafs:

"The first thing and probably the easiest thing to change on your team is the amount of the snarl, the amount of the bite. That's an important part of how my teams play."

July 1st has come and gone, and the Leafs have increased their snarl and bite quotient tenfold, thanks to the acquisitions of Colton Orr, Mike Komisarek, and Garnet Exelby. It's safe to say the winds of change have arrived. Burke is making this "his" team.

I'm rather pleased with the additions. Mostly because I hate all three of those guys.

Here's what I've written about Komisarek in the past:

"...Komisarek is a douche. If there's one guy on the Habs I want to kick square in the groin, it's Komisarek.

"Mike Komisarek's an All-Star? Fuck off, Montreal."

There's even a tag on the blog in honour of Toronto's newest defenceman: "Mike Komisarek = douchebag." Obviously, it will never be used again. He's our All-Star defenceman now, yo.

Yesterday, I loathed Komisarek. Today, I look forward to seeing him don the blue and white, along with the alternate captain's "A." Welcome to the good side, Mike.

The "A" on Komisarek's jersey will come from the sweater of the departed Pavel Kubina. He will be sorely missed. I enjoyed Kubina's time in Toronto, especially his booming shot from the point, and am lamenting the fact that one half of the Czech connection on defence has been traded away. Such is life. Players, they come and go.

In return, in Exelby, the Leafs get another stay-at-home defenceman I've never particularly liked. Mostly because the bastard tried - rather well, I might add - to decapitate Mats Sundin.

Well, Exelby's a Leaf now, and here's why his tenure in Toronto might be slightly arousing:

Komisarek and Exelby bring zero offence to the table. Instead they bring a penchant for open-ice bodychecks, something lacking around here since the days of Russian warriors Dmitri Yushkevich and Danny Markov. And that scratches me right where I itch.

The two also can't possibly not help improve the Leafs' absolutely fucking pathetic 74.7% penalty killing percentage.

Speaking of bringing nothing to the table offensively, that brings us to Colton Orr. He fights. That's it, that's all. He is what he is. And at $1 million a season over the next four campaigns, I'll take him over Brad May, Andre Deveaux, Ben Ondrus and, especially, Ryan Hollweg any day of the week.

Of course many Leafs fans, never satisfied and always bitching, are wondering when and who Burke is going to land up front. (Rick Nash, 2010!) Sure, I've got questions as well, and was hoping Burke might land Mike Cammalleri or Brian Gionta, who both ended up in Montreal, land of the midgets. But I'm with Burke: the back-end was rightfully the Leafs' first and foremost priority.

On a quick aside, the best news of the day was the free agent forward signing that didn't happen in Toronto: Chris Neil, along with his ugly mug, remains an Ottawa Senator. While I rooted for Bryan Marchment in a Leafs uniform, even I have my limits. Crisis averted. And, still on Ottawa, I love Dany Heatley. Anyone who fucks the Senators so gloriously gets a pass in my books.

Back to business: the Leafs allowed an embarrassing 293 goals last season; worst in the league. They scored a respectable 250 goals. Sure, Nik Antropov's 21 goals, Dominic Moore's 12 goals, and Pavel Kubina's 14 goals are gone, but I'm not worried about it. I fully expect Nikolai Kulemin to improve on his 15-goal rookie campaign, and John Mitchell to pot more than his rookie total of 12. Nik Hagman's a 30-goal man if healthy, there's no way Lee Stempniak scores only 11 goals in 60 games again, and I believe Jiri Tlusty is ready to make the full-time jump to the NHL after becoming a point-per-game player in the AHL.

The goals will come. I haven't even mentioned the collegiate cats Burke was able to sign a few months ago. But it's time to focus on what's wrong with this team, and not worry about what might or might not happen up front. The priority, as it rightfully God damn should have been, and as Burke clearly signalled it was with his moves, is getting that 293 goals against number down to 230. And I'm confident our new defensive core - a shut-down threesome of Luke Schenn, Komisarek and Exelby - along with a healthy Vesa Toskala and soon-to-be-signed Jonas Gustavsson (there's no way Burke's NOT getting him), can make that happen.

Don't get me wrong; if in the coming days Burke can add a forward, preferably a centre, I certainly wouldn't mind. It would be the icing on our truculent, stay-at-home defencemen cake. Mats Sundin, anyone?

A Long, Long, Long Off-Season

The season is finally, mercifully, over. For the first time since the 1997/1998 campaign the Toronto Maple Leafs finished with fewer than 90 points. We're in for one long off-season my friends, and I've got a ton of questions that need to be answered.

It hasn't actually set in that the season is over. It feels a little bit surreal, even. Like I'm trapped in this three year nightmare, with a playoff game nowhere in sight. I guess it'll hit home once the second season begins and I'm cheering for the Washington Capitals instead of my Leafs.

These are difficult times, indeed. The franchise is in dire straits. It's impossible to know whether the Leafs can pull a Montreal or Philadelphia and be competitive one year after missing the playoffs. There are simply too many questions to be answered.

In honour of that beautiful segue way, lets do this: 20 Questions, Toronto Maple Leafs excruciatingly long off-season edition.

1. Will the Leafs target Brian Burke as their new general manager? The search for a new president and GM, in typical Leafs fashion, doesn't seem to be going anywhere. Perhaps the Leafs are waiting for the playoffs to end so they can approach Burke with an offer he simply can't refuse. Or perhaps not. Who the hell knows.

2. Like those "What Would Jesus Do?" bracelets, the questions surrounding Mats Sundin's future will loom large over the franchise until the Captain makes his decision. So, what will Mats do? It's a question that has caused many restless, sleepless nights. Will he retire a Maple Leaf, even though he enjoyed a tremendous personal season? Will he sign another one-year contract with Toronto? Will it include a no-trade clause? If the Leafs stink, will we go through the entire process again next year? Will he sign as a free agent with another team, after refusing to be traded at the trade deadline and costing the Leafs valuable draft picks? Oh dear, pass me the TUMS. I'm going to have severe indigestion for the next four freaking months.

3. When will Paul Maurice be fired? It's no longer if, but when. The Leafs finished the season with one of the worst home records in the league, and the NHL's worst penalty killing rate - 78%. The players will be held accountable, but so should the coaches. Maurice is finished, and should be canned sooner rather than later. Which means he'll be fired in August, a couple of weeks before training camp; you know how we do!

4. Who will the Leafs select in the entry draft with their top-10 pick? Unfortunately, it certainly won't be Steve Stamkos or Drew Doughty. With Vesa Toskala signed through 2010 and Justin Pogge already dubbed the future in net, it wouldn't surprise me in the least if the Leafs drafted a goalie.

5. Andrew Raycroft has one year and $2 million left on his current contract. No general manager, unless drunk out of their mind (and even that's a stretch), is going to trade for him. Will the Leafs take the hit and buy out his contract? Will he be banished to the minors next season? One thing is for certain, if Raycrap is still a member of the Toronto Maple Leafs come September, I'm going to have rethink this whole Leafs fan thing.

6. Will Bryan McCabe accept a trade to the New York Islanders? More importantly, will the New York Islanders actually trade for him? One of Pavel Kubina or McCabe's salary must come off the books, and most will agree McCabe should be the one to go. Even I've given up on him. The Islanders are our best hope as McCabe's wife still calls Long Island home. At this point, I'm willing to take back a single prospect, or even a second-round pick, for #24.

7. If McCabe refuses to leave town, or no team is willing trade for him, will the Leafs bite the bullet and buy him out?

8. Sundin can probably fetch $6.5 to $7 million on the market. If he stays with Toronto, will he give the Leafs a discount? If he wants the team to be the least bit competitive, we straight up cannot afford to pay him in the $6-to-$7 million range. I'm thinking more like $4.5 million, and I don't think that would go over too well with Sundin. Excuse me, I said pass the TUMS!

9. Can we throw in Jason Blake if we trade McCabe to the Islanders? Perhaps they would like to have him back. After all, Owen freakin' Nolan scored more goals than Blake this year.

10. I know it was a great body check - probably the best of the year - but is Mark Bell really worth $2.5 million next season? Like McCabe, no one's going to trade for the guy, so will his contract be bought out?

11. Will the next general manager of the Leafs entertain any thoughts of bringing back Pat Burns behind the bench? That would be a whole lot of fucking awesome.

12. If the Leafs do find a suitor for McCabe, how about bringing back Danny Markov? Markov spent the past year in Russia and will be 32 in July. I doubt he'd cost much ($1.5 or $2 million), I think he's still got some hockey left in him and, boy, was he ever a beauty during his first stint in Toronto. What do you think about a defence of: Kaberle/Kubina, Markov/Colaiacovo, Stralman/White?

13. Will Matt Stajan and Kyle Wellwood still be in the blue and white come September? Both are restricted free agents. I think it's a sure bet that Stajan will be back. I hope the case is the same for Wellwood, but I'm not too sure. After another surgery on his groin, who knows what his conditioning will be like. I'm still of the opinion, however, that he's too young and too skilled to simply be given up on.

14. What about John Pohl, Scott Clemmensen, and Dominic Moore? Other than Sundin, they are the only unrestricted free agents of note on the club (Andy Wozniewski is unrestricted as well and here's hoping he, well, goes straight to hell). I think Pohl is done with Toronto, while Clemmensen might be re-signed for another go with the Marlies. And I think Moore has played well enough as a waiver pick up to merit another contract with the Leafs. Dude works hard and should be rewarded.

15. What to do with Darcy Tucker? He finished the season with 18 goals but barely existed for the first four months of the season. He also looked slow out there all year. He was never the fastest skater to begin with, but it seemed like he lost a step. While he does have a no-trade clause, I think Tucker's got too much pride to stick around if he's no longer wanted. And I definitely believe there is a market out there for him. It would be extremely painful to see him go, but it may be time for the Leafs to turn the page.

16. Where have all the twenty goal scorers gone? Other than Sundin who always does it, only one other Maple Leaf scored more than 20 goals this season. It was Nik Antropov, probably the last guy you thought would do it. Sure, the Leafs did have seven players with 15 goals or more, but they need better finish in and around the net. They need a sniper who can get the job done. Blake was brought in to score goals and, while he did put up a respectable 52 points, I was expecting at least 25 to 30 goals from him.

17. Will our new general manager be shopping on July 1st when the free agent markets opens? The crop isn't the greatest, although I definitely wouldn't mind seeing Daymond Langkow in a Leafs uniform as the team's second centre behind Sundin. Other big offensive names on the list are: Kristian Huselius, Markus Naslund, Ladislav Nagy, Brendan Morrison, Sean Avery (imagine him in a Leafs uni?), and Brendan Shanahan. None are guys you can build around, but the Leafs need some proven goal scorers.

18. Who's ready for a full-time promotion from the farm? Are guys like Jeremy Williams, Robbie Earl, Staffan Kronwall and Kris Newbury ready to contribute to the big club all year long? Kronwall hasn't looked all that great and it doesn't seem like Newbury will be much more than a fourth line guy who plays only a few minutes per game. While Williams and Earl looked alright, I'm not sure they are ready for prime time.

19. Are Jiri Tlusty and Nikolai Kulemin sure fire prospects? Tlusty had a decent rookie season all things considered. From his nudey glamour shots to limited fourth line duty, his 10 goals were a pleasant surprise. Will he find himself a fixture on the top two lines come next season? And will Nikolai Kulemin, the best prospect the Leafs have, be ready to play in the NHL in September? Will he be the sniper the Leafs so desperately need, or will he join the long list of Maple Leaf entry draft busts?

20. Will Wade Belak return to the Leafs? Belak's rental experiment didn't work out too well in Florida as he couldn't lead them to the playoffs, and he's scheduled to become an unrestricted free agent. Without Wade on the roster, no one on the Leafs can fight. God knows I could go without seeing Bell and McCabe ever drop the gloves again.

I wasn't lying folks. We're in for one hell of a long, and definitely most interesting, off-season. I say bring it on. After a season like this one, we can only go up from here. At least I hope so.

The Beating of Ontario

Another installment of the Beating of Ontario went into the books last night. This time it was a 5-1 spanking of the Maple Leafs by the Ottawa Senators and, with it, the realization that the Sens are a great team while the Leafs are not.

Games like last night’s test my will as a fan of the Toronto Maple Leafs. I reached for my remote on three separate occasions but couldn’t pull the trigger and actually change the channel. I’m not sure why I stay tuned and watch the Leafs get crushed by the Senators time after time after time, but I do. It’s sick. I have a problem.

I was sincerely looking forward to last night’s game. Not only was it a good test against a most-formidable opponent in the Senators, but the Leafs were finally getting some bodies back – Kyle Wellwood, healthy after two hernia surgeries, and Mark Bell, making his debut as the forgotten man in the Vesa Toskala trade.

Toronto, sitting at .500, was coming off a solid road win in Montreal and although Ottawa is clearly the best team in the league (you can’t argue much with a 13-1 win-loss record), the Leafs played them hard in games one and two of the season. I thought I was in for a competitive match up.

Competitive? Uh, not so much.This one was over five minutes in. Just another go around with the Ottawa Senators, I guess, who are now 15-2-2, including 8-1-1 at home, since the start of the 2005/2006 season against Toronto.

As everyone knows, the Leafs have missed the playoffs the last two seasons. Need a reason? Look no further than their record against their provincial rivals. Toronto’s inability to compete against the Ottawa Senators cost them dearly the last two years, and it’s happening again, as Ottawa has already beaten the Leafs three times in the span of a month.

I'm going to be the happiest man around when the NHL changes the schedule. I'm so tired of the Leafs having to play Ottawa eight times a year. It simply isn't fair - they're too good!

I feel like I’m starring in Groundhog Day, because every time the Leafs and Senators face off, it’s the same story over and over again - severe poundage. Last night was no different. The Leafs repeatedly made bonehead decisions and hung their goalies out to try yet again.

After falling behind four to nothing in the second period Paul Maurice yanked Vesa Toskala (who couldn’t be blamed, not one bit), called a timeout, and gave his team a thorough tongue-lashing. They deserved it, straight up. Once again, the Leafs looked like they weren’t prepared to play and against a team like Ottawa, the best freaking team in the league, that’s simply unacceptable.

I, nor Paul Maurice, don’t have enough fingers to point out all the guys who flat out sucked last night. Jason Blake wasn’t covering his man on the first goal. Ian White was standing at centre ice and his foolish decision led to the two-on-one that resulted in the second goal. On that second goal, Andy Wozniewski could have sprawled to block the cross ice pass, and I’m still not sure what the hell he was doing when he half laid out to try and do it. Matt Stajan and Alex Steen bumped into each other in neutral ice and their idiocy led to another two-on-one for the Sens, which led to the third Ottawa goal, a short-handed tally by Daniel Alfredsson to make it three-nothing. That goal was the back-breaker. Down two-nothing, the Leafs desperately needed the next goal, but it was Ottawa who came out flying once again in the second period and scored on a Toronto power play. It was rather pathetic.

Kaberle was also brutal last night. I’m not sure why he and Kubina were on the same side of the rink on the first Ottawa goal, and Kabby was evidently going for a stroll up ice on the fourth Senators goal, when Kyle Wellwood decided to try and stick handle through four Senator players. The puck was, obviously, turned over and the Senators were off on another two-on-one and wham, bam, thank you m’aam, it was 5-1.

Like I said, I’m not sure why I watched the entire debacle last night. One reason was because the Toronto Raptors were also busy taking it on the chin, at the hands of the pathetic Milwaukee Bucks, no less! Last night was just awful.

As for Wellwood and Bell, their presence in the lineup clearly didn’t do much, eh? Wellwood was out there dangling like a school boy and his presence did nothing for the moribund Toronto power play, which finished 1-9 on the night. Bell saw a shade over 10 minutes of ice time and threw a couple of nice hits. He also landed a couple of good shots to the ugly face of Senators super-pest Chris Neil. Bell’s going to be a useful energy guy for the Leafs, and I’m looking forward to him getting some more ice time.

Toronto actually out-shot the Senators last night. Gerber was good. He doesn't give up any rebounds, it's amazing. The guy’s been tremendous all year, and I hate him because I’ve got Ray Emery in my fantasy hockey pool. It just goes to show that shot total’s don’t mean a damn thing. Not if you’re giving up two-on-one rushes all night.

I’m not done complaining about Andy Wozniewski, Ian White, and the shortcomings of the Leafs defensive game. We’re 16 games into this thing now, and the message is clearly not getting through, as the Leafs have allowed a league worst 62 goals against. Something needs to give. Something needs to change. Enough is enough. Some bloody accountability, please, Coach Maurice.

Bench White, bench Wozniewski, and even bench Kaberle if you have to. The only guy who should be getting a pat on the back right now is Nik Antropov. He’s showed up for every game, and was once again the Leafs’ best player last night, scoring the teams lone goal.

I just find it infuriating that the same weak-ass lineup is paraded out on to the ice day in and day out, when they are simply not delivering the results. Andy bloody Wozniewski will be right back out there on Friday night, while Danny Markov, a serviceable and solid NHL-calibre defenseman, is not playing in the NHL. I don’t get it. Pick up the phone and get Markov's agent on the line already! And don’t anybody dare mention to me anything about the salary cap. The Leafs have some wiggle room against the cap and are the richest sports team in Canada. They can afford to buy out Wozniewski’s contract, which is only a shade above the league minimum anyway, and bring in Danny Markov. What the heck is the wiggle room for anyway? To stop the bleeding, for the love of God.

The blood pressure is boiling, folks. Last night, once the Senators went up 3-0, I couldn’t change the channel. All I could do was press the mute button, grab my ipod, press repeat and put on “Stronger” by Kanye West.

“N-n-now Th-th-that-that don't kill me
Can only make me stronger
I need you to hurry up now
Cause I can't wait much longer
I know I got to be right now
Cause I can't get much wronger
Man I been waitin' all night now
That's how long I've been on ya.”

I said I wasn’t going to pass judgment on this team until 20 games were in the books. Well, we’re only four games away from that mark, and I’ve got my finger right in front of the panic button…