It's all Mathematics

A logical, clear, and concise explanation of why Canada will be golden in 2010 ...

Do you believe?

Also: pray, to whomever it is you pray to, for the Monster. And the horrid Toronto Raptors, too. And, hell, while we're at it, for Roy Halladay's misguided soul.

More Pops!!!!1

The legend of Mensah-Bonsu continues to grow ...

Sick, eh? I loved the little stroll Pops went for after he slammed it home. Seriously, how could anyone not like him?

My friends at Hoop Heads North are all about Pops as well. Make sure you check them out during your travels on the information highway; they're good people.

So, four wins in a row for the Craptors. Much like their cousins at the ACC, it's too little, too late. Alas, at least we've got Pops to enjoy ...

Pops!!!!1

Just when I think I've lost all confidence in Raptors GM Bryan Colangelo, he goes out and signs Pops Mensah-Bonsu. He goes out and gets me all excited to watch a matinee between Toronto and Indiana, so I can see what this kid is all about it.

Well, I watched. And I believe the hype. Forget about Shawn Marion. The rest of this dreadful season is about Pops.

Look at that picture above. Pops brings the fire. He is one intense mother fucker. And intensity is the last thing that comes to mind when I think of the Toronto Raptors.

Pops' line today: 21 points in just under 22 minutes, five-of-10 from the field, 11-of-13 from the free throw line, along with eight rebounds, five of them offensive. Read: filthy.

(Clearly, I like saying "Pops.")

He's only played five games, but Pops looks like the player the Raptors have lacked for so very, bloody long.

It's tough not to enjoy watching Pops, the undrafted product of George Washington college and London, England, on the court right now. And there hasn't been much to enjoy this season when watching, or listening to, Toronto basketball.

And with a name like Pops Mensah-Bonsu, how could anyone not like him?

Do your thing, Pops. For Colangelo's sake, and for mine, I sincerely hope you're not just another Jamario Moon.

I respect a good verbal bitch slap...

And there's not much else you can label Shaq calling Chris Bosh "the RuPaul of big men," other than a serious verbal bitch slap.

It's been a "trying" season for Bosh. It's not about to get any easier. Big Shaq just sent CB4 to the mat.

Like, how does one respond to that? Bosh has no choice but to take it. Shaq's on Twitter. You don't mess with The_Real_Shaq.

Speaking of getting messed with, to the surprise of absolutely no one, the Raptors lost to the Dallas Mavericks last night. Bosh had 28-and-10, but, like on so many nights, it wasn't enough.

The Raptors, at 23-38, are brutal. Period.

Sure, they're only five and a half games out of a playoff spot, but it's not happening. I may be a glass half full type of guy when it comes to the Toronto Maple Leafs (playoffs!!1), but the glass is bone dry when it comes to the Craptors. They are difficult to listen to on the radio (I've got a "basic" Rogers cable package - it's brutal).

I can't wait until the season is over, and the Raptors are put out of their misery. It will then be time for Bryan Colangelo to earn his keep.

Will Bosh leave in 2010? The way I feel right now, I don't think I'd lose much sleep over it.

"The RuPaul of big men." That's rough.

The Matrix

Brace yourselves, my friends. You're about to read a post about the Toronto Raptors...

First and foremost, so long, Jermaine O'Neal. We hardly knew you, mate.

I think it's safe to say we all know of the deal by now. Raptors GM Bryan Colangelo finally - no, mercifully - made a move, and O'Neal, along with Jamario Moon and a first round draft pick, is off to the Miami Heat. Your newest Raptors are "The Matrix" Shawn Marion, and some dude named Marcus Banks, who I've never heard of, but who makes more than $4 million a season.

I was actually going to post breaking news of the trade yesterday afternoon, when word dropped that the deal was done. But then I remembered that I don't really give a shit.

Sorry, it's the truth. I care about the Raptors. Not so much about the Craptors. And, make no mistake about it, occupying second-last place in the Eastern Conference, the Raptors are once again the Craptors.

If you're looking for analysis on the big trade, you'll find a small nugget of it here. You know this already, but the trade is all about cap-space. Colangelo is clearing the decks as, with each passing day, we get closer to the summer of 2010, when everyone and their mother becomes a free agent in the NBA.

That being said, O'Neal and his ridiculous salary - $23 million next year - had to go. With the emergence of Andrea Bargnani as a not-so-useless NBA centre, O'Neal, Colangelo's prized off-season acquisition, and his wonky 67-year-old knees, became expendable. Period.

In Marion, the Raptors get a guy who can rebound, and who is known to play defence. I know, imagine that. "The Matrix" is a free agent at the end of the season, and I'm not sure anyone is really expecting him to stick around, his ties with Colangelo be damned. But, hey, I'm sure we'll offer him the choice between the blue and red pill (sorry, I had to do it).

As for Jamario Moon and Marcus Banks, they're all but irrelevant. Moon is clearly happy to just be in the NBA. He doesn't seem interested in, you know, actually improving. Was there another player in Raptors history who so frustrated his coaches? And, Banks. Well, he's going to live up to his surname and get paid a fuck-ton of money to sit on the bench, so who am I to criticize what is, in all honesty, one sweet gig?

As I mentioned above, Toronto's first-round draft pick, between 2010 and 2015, is going Miami's way. All you need to know is this: whenever the Raptors make the playoffs again after this season, Miami gets the pick. And you also need to know this: it doesn't matter the sport, when MLSE makes a deal, it includes a first-rounder going the other way.

Based on some of the comments I've seen over at RaptorBlog.com, it's the addition of the first-rounder that is causing die-hard Raptors fans major angst. As a die-hard Toronto Maple Leafs fan, I'm used to the trading of premium draft assets. So, I'm not about to get my boxer briefs all tied up in knots. Deep down, I know that if the Toronto Blue Jays could trade draft choices, they'd deal their first-round picks, too.

Know this, however, and boxers/briefs/panties beware. If Marion walks away this summer, the Raptors (read: Bryan Colangelo) will have traded T.J. Ford, Rasho Nesterovic, Maceo Baston, a first-round pick in the 2008 NBA draft (Roy Hibbert), and a conditional first-rounder between 2010 and 2015, for Nathan Jawai, Marcus Banks, and salary cap room (cap room that O'Neal would have provided in 2010, anyway).

Somewhere, Rob Babcock is smiling.

Maybe It's For The Best...

I was planning on watching the Toronto Raptors game get spanked by the Houston Rockets tonight. The game, however, is being broadcast on TSN2.

As you're probably aware of by now, well-paying Rogers Cable customers like myself don't get TSN2. Can't get TSN2. So, I won't be watching Raptors basketball tonight.

A lot of people have voiced their displeasure with this whole Raptors, Rogers and TSN2 fiasco. Twenty eight percent of Raptors games are being carried on a network that Rogers Cable refuses to pick up. That's a substantial amount. There was even a protest a few days ago at the Rogers offices by, obviously, a very dedicated group of Raptors fans.

Which brings me to my point. Maybe it's a good thing Rogers Cable isn't picking up TSN2. Maybe the honest, hard-working folks down at Rogers Cable are finally, after taking so much of our hard-earned dollars, doing us a solid. Maybe, just maybe, not watching the sinking Raptors is a good thing.

Think about it. Do you really want to watch the Raptors blow another lead? Do you want to continue to pull your hair out over the fact that this team cannot rebound the God damn basketball, at either end of the floor? Do you really want to watch Will Soloman back up Jose Calderon at the point, while Roko Ukic sits on the bench? Do you want to watch Andrea Bargnani shoot 40.6% from the field? Do you really want to see Jermaine O'Neal back on the bench in street clothes because of his 67-year-old knee?

The Toronto Raptors are what they are, and that's a shitty basketball team. Scott Carefoot of RaptorBlog.com has, not surprisingly, thrown in the towel on the season. And there's still 50 games to play.

2008 was a tough year for the Raps. There's no reason to believe that 2009 is going to be any better.

One of my resolutions this year is to try and find the positive side of every situation. In that respect, Rogers' decision to not pick up TSN2 is good for my overall health, especially my blood pressure. Oh, and my kidneys and liver. After all, the less Raptors action I watch, the less alcohol I consume. 

I won't be watching the Raptors this evening. My Friday night will likely be more enjoyable as a result.

Thanks Rogers, I guess.

*UPDATE* 

The Raptors, of course, kicked ass, pounding the Rockets 94-73. Bargnani was huge, and the team built on a 10-point halftime lead instead of squandering it. Even Will Soloman contributed off the bench for an injured Jose Calderon.

Man, I wish I could have watched the game.

Thanks for nothing, Rogers.

Seriously?

Greetings from Mother India. Let me get straight to the point. The Raptors lost to the Oklahoma City Thunder on Friday. Wait, what? Seriously? The 2-24 Oklahoma City Thunder?

Can this please be confirmed? Because I don't believe the box score. Someone is obviously fucking with me, or the internet, out here in the GNDA (Greater New Delhi Area, yo). Losing 91-83 to Oklahoma City simply cannot be possible. I didn't even know Oklahoma City had an NBA team.

Jesus Christ. You know what this means, don't you? The Toronto Craptors are no longer extinct.

Full disclosure: I had a dream the Raptors re-acquired Vince Carter.

Really full disclosure: It was a wet dream. I'm at the point where I'd be all over VC's return, like a fat Indian kid on a chicken kathi roll from Khan Chacha.