Stealing Home: Dome away from dome

After Sun Life Stadium in Miami, anything would do. Even Tropicana Field, Major League Baseball's last non-retractable domed stadium.

Tampa Bay. Actually: St. Petersburg, home of the Rays, where I felt at home.

Read all about my experience -- from Taxi Uncle, to my conversation with Cownose Rays, to "More Cowbell!" -- at GlobeSports.com.

And, remember, if you'd like to view pictures from my baseball road trip of a lifetime, you can do so here.

Someday it'll all make sense ...

One day, I'll stop bitching about the AL East, and how it is the toughest division in baseball. Not today. But one day.

As my man Dean pointed out in the comments of my last post, with the Tampa Bay DEVIL Rays having won last night, to sweep a mini two-game set with the Boston Red Sox, the AL East is now home to three teams with 60 or more wins. The Yankees check in with 65, the Red Sox 62, and Tampa Bay 60.

Only one other American League team has hit the mark; the Los Angeles Angels (63). In the National League, three teams: the Los Angeles Dodgers (66), Philadelphia Phillies (60), and San Francisco Giants (60).

Three teams in the AL East. Four throughout the rest of Major League Baseball. Life is cruel. And home, the AL East, has been most unkind to Toronto this season, with the Jays having gone 12-24 against divisional opponents. All in all, it's amazing the Jays have won 51 games so far in 2009. (That's my way of saying J.P. Ricciardi has done a stand-up job with a payroll of only $80 million dollars.)

The Ultimate Flashback Friday

For one night, let's forget about this, another, clusterfuck of a season for our Toronto Blue Jays. Tomorrow night at the SkyDome, for no reason at all, because we don't need a reason, let's celebrate the 1992 and 1993 teams that ran the AL East; that did something truly special for the city of Toronto.

I'll be there. In my powder blue. Cheering wildly like I'm 10 and 11 years old again; like I was when Dave Winfield sent the ball down the left field line in 1992; like I was when Joe Carter's ball cleared the fence in 1993. Hell, I think I'm even going to hit up the autograph sessions.

Speaking of memories, I was actually talking to the boys about the '92 World Series, and Ed Sprague's 9th inning pinch-hit home run in game two vs. Atlanta. Looking back, what an absolutely monumental round tripper. The Jays had lost game one of the series, and were down 4-3 in game two, with only three outs to go. Cue the heroics. A walk to Derek Bell, and a bomb to left field by Sprague to silence the deep south. It came off of Braves closer Jeff Reardon who, according to the ever-trustworthy Wikipedia, was then baseball's all-time saves leader; 5-4 Toronto, the World Series tied at one, and heading to Canada for the first time ever in life. Huge.

Unfortunately, I can't embed Sprague's home run here on the blog, but you can watch it here. Take a minute to do so. Trust me, it'll give you goose bumps.

The salad days. Be there tomorrow night to relive them.

Go Jays.

UPDATE: My man Johnny G mentioned the "Trenches" in the comments. I loved that shit. Sprague, Bell, and Turner Ward. Rudeys, all three of them. I did a quick search, and found this gem from the SI vault:

Sprague didn't play much after being called up—he had only 47 at bats—but he and two other Blue Jay reserves, outfielders Turner Ward and Derek Bell, started something called the Trenches, a silly little rally routine that has enlivened the Toronto bench. They lay a towel labeled TRENCHES on the top step of the dugout, near the bat rack. Bell, the loader, pulls out a bat belonging to a Blue Jay teammate who's about to hit. He passes the bat to Sprague, the exchanger. As the batter comes to the plate, the bat is handed to Ward, the shooter, who fires off an imaginary volley at the opposing pitcher. "If we need a big homer, like tonight," Ward said Sunday night, "I turn the bat around and make it a bazooka." The imaginary warfare may seem juvenile, but when one of the soldiers has to come into a game, his place is often taken by Toronto's 41-year-old star, Dave Winfield. "He's our commander in chief," says Sprague. As so often happens in battle, it was the guys in the trenches who won Game 2.

Makes you love Winfield even more, doesn't it?

Trenches!1

A Fractured Support System

Since returning from the disabled list on June 29th, Roy Halladay's won a single game. Why? No, certainly not because of the trade rumours. That's ridiculous. Doc's an incredibly well-paid athlete; that shit comes with the territory. Harry Leroy can't get into the victory column because the Kevin Millar batting cleanup led Toronto Blue Jays can't be bothered to give him any God damn run support.

June 29th vs. Tampa Bay: zero runs. Doc departed after six innings; the Jays struck for their only run of the game in the 8th inning.

July 4th at New York: five runs. Clearly, that's about as good as it gets for Halladay.

July 9th at Tampa Bay: two runs.

July 19th vs. Boston: three runs. A masterful Halladay performance in a 3-1 win.

July 24th vs. Tampa Bay: two runs. Garzafied.

July 29th at Seattle: two runs. Toronto was two-hit over seven by Ryan fucking Rowland-Smith.

Yesterday, August 4th, vs. New York: three runs. The Jays left eight runners on base last night. Individually, 16. While Doc threw another complete game. For shame.

That's seven games, and 17 runs; an average of 2.43 runs when Doc's been on the mound. In other words: absolutely pathetic. What breaks my heart: six of those seven starts have come against Tampa Bay, New York, and Boston. Halladay deserves more. Halladay deserves better.

It's during moments of weakness such as this one that I begin to wonder about 2010. Sure, Toronto can boast a rotation of Halladay, Ricky Romero, Shaun Marcum, and any combination of Brett Cecil, Scott Richmond, Mark Rzepczynski, and Jesse Litsch. Who knows, maybe even Dustin McGowan. But no rotation will make up for the fact that this team just can't get it done offensively in the AL East. I'm looking right at you, Vernon Wells. And, please, J.P. Ricciardi, get Millar the fuck off my favourite team.

The Best in the Business

If you had to ask me to choose between The Globe and Mail's Jeff Blair and SI's Tom Verducci, I couldn't do it. Both of them know their baseball. And both of them just "get it."

Saith Verducci, from a must-read piece about the lunatics who think the Jays were "losers" at the trade deadline because Ricciardi didn't pull the trigger on a Halladay trade:

"So what did people expect? That the Blue Jays should lower their asking price on the best pitcher in baseball when they didn't have to move him in the first place? Would compromising when they didn't have to do so put them in the 'winners' category? Ownership really didn't want to dump such a popular franchise player, anyway."

There's more. Please use it freely as ammunition against the Ricciardi bashers (especially: Joanna):

"Toronto is not Cleveland, with its budget problems, Pittsburgh, with an organizational model that has been a complete failure, Kansas City, which is awful but still wastes money on second-tier journeymen who don't know how to win, or San Diego, which will check out of the contending business for the next couple of years until its farm system improves. Toronto's problem is that it is a good team in the wrong division. 'Good isn't enough,' Ricciardi said. 'You have to be great.' The Blue Jays have won between 83 and 88 games seven times in the previous 11 years, have a winning record in that span with more wins than the Cubs, Diamondbacks and a dozen other teams -- and still didn't sniff the postseason. Eight National League teams made the playoffs in that time with 88 or fewer wins."

Nope, playing in the AL East has nothing - nothing at all - to do with the fact the Jays haven't played October baseball since 1993. And keep calling it an "excuse." It's not. It can't be. It's reality.

Here's some Blair. Just the goods, and no bullshit, as per the usual:

"Call up Travis Snider. Ship out Kevin Millar. Do something. Never mind cowboy up. I’d rather see cowboy out. I mean, manager Cito Gaston announced an open audition for the cleanup spot before Tuesday night’s game, and it’s not even mid-August. How does that happen in the American League East, anyhow?"

Cito. He's a stubborn, stupid, silly man.

One more link. I'm not happy about it, but thanks to Drew - LtB's most recent post over at the always resourceful Ghostrunner on First, I will cease mercilessly hating on Rod The Bod Barajas. But that .288 on-base percentage is still disgusting.

End of the Road

Roy Halladay was brilliant, again, on Friday night. The more I picture him wearing Philadelphia red, or Dodger blue, the more angry I become as to why the Blue Jays are in their current predicament. I blame Rogers; not J.P. Ricciardi. I'm in too deep, defending J.P., for that to change. (Sorry, Joanna. Even though I'm not.)

Much like my favourite GM in the whole wide world, I'm done talking about the trading of the Doctor. If it happens, it happens. August 1, and the end of all this drama, cannot come soon enough.

If we have reached the end of the road, this one's for you, Doc ...

If you don't like Boyz II Men, stop lying to your damn self.

What's that? Yesterday's ballgame? Why the fuck would you want to talk about that? Look, it's simple. It was raining. It's now pouring. There's no other way to explain the blowage of a 9-1 lead, at home. (We're in the midst of a torrential downpour; even Toronto FC lost in dramatic, heartbreaking fashion.)

At times like these, always remember that it could be worse. We could be Baltimore Orioles fans.

I found it rather fitting that it was the Tampa Bay fucking DEVIL Rays who handed the Jays what had to be their toughest loss of 2009, all things considered. Those same DEVIL Rays everyone likes to bring up when shitting all over Ricciardi. Once again: the Rays are no model for success in the AL East; they've just been a helluva lot luckier than Toronto.

As for Scott Downs, he doesn't talk much to the media. So it was great to see him face the bright lights after yesterday's clusterfuck of a game and call his performance, and his team's, exactly what it was: "embarrassing." I don't know about you, but I've still got utmost faith in SnakeFace.

Sure, it was a brutal loss, but I'm more interested in seeing how the Blue Jays respond. Are they going to roll over and die, and allow Tampa the sweep? Or are they going to play with some fucking pride?

In the comments section of my last post, after Saturday's debacle, Bruno Von Rottweiler said: "...a lot of these players are soft, they are losers."

I don't believe that. Go Jays.

Hanging on to hope ...

Well, fuck. If those standings don't have you reaching for a drink, your affinity with sobriety is a lot stronger than mine.

Roy Halladay went into Saturday's ball game in the Bronx having allowed seven home runs in 109 innings. In seven innings of work yesterday afternoon, he surrendered three long balls; one a fly ball to Johnny Damon. Nope, nothing strange about new Yankee Stadium. Nothing at all. (Fuck the Yankees, and their new ballpark.)

If I haven't yet developed a full-blown complex from supporting the Blue Jays while they play in the AL East, it can't be far off. I'm not sure how much more I can take - the Yankees and Red Sox and their deep pockets, and the Tampa Bay Rays finally doing what it took the Pittsburgh Penguins only a few years to do: tank their way to success. It's frustrating. Like you wouldn't believe.

Don't look now, but it's those devilish Rays with the division's best run differential (+78). The Jays led in that respect during the salad days of April and early May. All of a sudden, the Jays are seven games behind Boston, and six behind the Yankees for the Wild Card. If I could take solace in the fact that Toronto is better than Baltimore, I would. But that's like being proud of yourself for finishing the race ahead of the one-legged kid. Where's the God damn pride in that?

Now that divisional play has begun in earnest, I can't help but look back to June. Twelve wins and 14 losses; simply not good enough. To compound matters, Scott Richmond just hit the disabled list. It's unbelievable, really, the luck, or lack thereof, when it comes to Toronto's pitching staff. As if playing in the AL East wasn't hard enough. Fuck off, baseball Gods.

Oh yeah, Vernon Wells. As you know by now, The Cito finally - no, mercifully - moved him down in the lineup to the six-hole, and he's responded. Well, kind of. Three-for-eight, with two doubles, two runs scored, a walk, a home run, and one RBI. We remain at SEVERE on the Hatred Advisory System. Until Wells starts helping this team win some games, it's where we shall remain. Hard to believe that on July 5th, Wells and Alex Rios are batting sixth and seventh in the Blue Jays lineup. Overpaid idiots, the both of them. I can only hope they're taking notes when Scott Hoss Rolen, he of the 21-game hitting streak, steps up to the plate.

All that being said, there's still half a season to play. After the Jays took the loss in extras on Saturday, I immersed myself in Rohinton Mistry's A Fine Balance. I'm coming down the home stretch of the massive 748-page book, and came across a most apt quote on page 686:

"There is always hope - hope enough to balance our despair. Or we would be lost."

There is much baseball to be played. Fuck the AL East; when Toronto does make the playoffs, having overcome the odds will make it that much sweeter. Believe.

If not, there's always 2010. Am I rite?

Those obnoxious, annoying Blue Jays fans

I like Jeff Passan. Enjoy his work. Been reading him ever since he joined Yahoo! Sports. But Passan doesn't feel the same way about me, or us. He thinks we - Toronto Blue Jays fans - are obnoxious, annoying homers.

About a month ago, while travelling the internetz, I stopped by a live chat being run by the fine folks at Big League Stew. Cliff Lee was the topic of conversation at the time and, as I involuntarily do whenever I read or hear Cliff Lee's name, I commented that Roy Halladay, and certainly not Lee, should have won the 2008 American League Cy Young Award.

That was enough to set off Passan. Here's what he had to say:

"I have a feeling that if the Blue Jays are ever good again, they're going to give Red Sox fans a run for their obnoxious money.

"I love Roy Halladay -- picked him to win the CY this year -- but come on. How can you make that argument?

"I'm just saying: Toronto fans are tremendously parochial, to the point that it becomes annoying. They are funny and cool and I'd definitely love to drink a beer with them, but their homerism is way over the top."

It's been a few weeks - I am arguably the world's greatest procrastinator - but allow me to respond.

Well, Mr. Passan, the Jays are good again. And while I'm the last person in Toronto to argue a charge of over-the-top homerism, to say that Blue Jays fans could ever be as obnoxious as the Massholes is flat-out fucking ridiculous. That's a whole other level of douchebaggery.

Oh yeah, Halladay. Look, Doc faced the Boston Red Sox, Tampa Bay DEVIL Rays, and New York Yankees a combined 16 times last season. Six starts against New York, and five each against Boston and Tampa Bay. Cliff Lee faced those three teams four times. One start against Boston, one against New York, and two versus Tampa Bay. The only team Lee faced five times last season: the 75-87 Kansas City Royals.

I know the schedule is largely to blame, but that's why I can make that argument, Mr. Passan. Because that disparity has got to mean something.

But it's all good. The beer's on me, Passan. Enough about 2008, and Cliff Lee.

How about Brian Tallet? The much maligned J.P. Ricciardi has somehow put together an embarrassment of riches on the mound for the Blue Jays, and you probably won't find him getting much credit for it.

With guys like Casey Janssen and Ricky Romero set to return in a week or so, and Jesse Litsch not far behind, questions abound. Such as: how the fuck do you return Tallet to the bullpen?

And while I hate to overlook the second edition of Cecil Time this afternoon, Tuesday night looms large: Roy Halladay vs. A.J. Burnett. 

Be there. I need not say more.

UPDATE: I lied, I do have more to say. As bklades pointed out in the comments, and I fully agree with him, when it comes to Jays fans, pessimism reigns supreme.  Most casual fans are just waiting for this Jays team to struggle so they can say "I told you so!" Some advice: if you're going to depart the bandwagon, do so quietly. And use the door at the back, assholes.

Deep Thoughts ...

It's getting to the point where the fine folks at MLSE might be better served finding a goalie through Monster, or Workopolis. After three games, Toronto FC's Stefan Frei and Greg Sutton leave me wanting more. And I'm usually easily satisfied. Also, you know how I said Brian "Binos" Burke and the Toronto Maple Leafs should re-sign Martin Gerber? Abort mission. What I meant was that they shouldn't re-sign Gerber. Because he, too, sucks ...

Look, I know comparing the Leafs to the Boston Bruins, defensively, is certifiably ridiculous. But Toronto allowed 14 goals over the weekend. Fourteen. That's about eight percent of all the goals Boston has surrendered this season (181). Eight percent. In two games. The Leafs have fished the puck out of their net 106 more times than Boston this season. And I'm going crazy because of it ...

The Toronto Raptors' chances of making the playoffs (!!!!1) were officially squashed on Sunday. Thanks to the Knickerbockers. At home, no less. A formality, sure; but it still hurts. The drink of choice to celebrate this momentous occasion? Sapporo ...

Wait, more on the Raptors. If Bryan Colangelo re-signs Shawn Marion, and Pops Mensah-Bonsu, is anyone else willing to give this group of five - Jose Calderon (healthy), Anthony Parker, Marion, Chris Bosh, and Andrea Bargnani - a mulligan? You know I am. Yes, I have issues ...

Check out what Lord Blair has to say about Mikhail Grabovski Mickey Grabs. Kid's a keeper ...

Speaking of Mr. Blair, add him, Stephen Brunt, Jordan Bastian, and Big League Stew's 'Duk to the list of people who are wrong about the 2009 Toronto Blue Jays. Bastian and 'Duk both have the Jays finishing last in the AL East, and Blair thinks "only the Baltimore Orioles are preventing the Jays from being the worst team in the league." I love those guys, and enjoy their work. You should too. And I'm also sure they all thought a youthful 2008 Tampa Bay rotation of James Shields, Edwin Jackson, Andy Sonnanstine, Scott Kazmir, and Matt Garza would propel the DEVIL Rays to the pennant ...

I caught the tail end of a Sportsnet feature on Rinku Singh and Dinesh Patel, of The Million Dollar Arm fame. Make sure you check it out. About the fairer sex, one of Singh and Patel, I'm not even sure which, had this gem to say: "American women are very dangerous. They want money." ...

Baseball's back, baby. It's a glorious day ...

To Do List

Let me guess. You probably thought you'd never live to see a black president.

And that the Tampa Bay Devil Rays would win the pennant last year.

Impossible is nothing. As a Toronto sports fan, and the writer of this here blog, I have no choice but to keep telling myself that.

Frankly, I'm fed up of being told that the Toronto Blue Jays' 2009 season is over before a pitch has been thrown, and a bat has been swung. I'm sick and tired of all the negativity.

It's January. There is absolutely no way my optimism for the upcoming baseball season can be crushed in January. Regardless of how brutal the off-season has been. I will not let it happen.

Blue Jays baseball: You gotta believe. Remember?

If you'd rather not believe, and would prefer to incessantly bitch about J.P. Ricciardi's Rogers-induced flaccid off-season, please, do me a solid: shut the fuck up.

*UPDATE*

My friend, rude-boy, loyal Sports And The City reader, and all-around ill cat, 40, provided a link in the comments section to the video below. Watch it. If it doesn't get you excited about 2009 Blue Jays baseball, you need to check yourself.

Believe...

You wish you had one, Philadelphia...

I bet Phillies fans don't think that lid on top of the Rogers Centre looks so ridiculous anymore.

That's exactly why we've got it, because apparently baseball can be played even in November.

A mistake by the lake? Hardly. I believe every stadium should be built with a retractable roof. It would save my man Bud Selig a ton of trouble.

Prediction: I'm taking the Phillies (which means the World Series is probably headed back to Tampa Bay). Here's hoping they wrap it up tonight, and all hell breaks loose in the city of brotherly love as Philadelphians celebrate their first pro sports title in a generation. 

Thank You, Tampa Bay Rays

I never thought I'd be cheering for Matt Garza, not after what he did to the Blue Jays this season. Last night, I was Garza's biggest fan, and he didn't disappoint. What can I say? When I hop aboard a bandwagon, I go all out.

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank the Tampa Bay Rays. They are American League champions. They are off to the World Series, and the Boston Red Sox are not. At the end of the day, that's what's most important, my friends.

The Red Sox - much to the chagrin of this Masshole and much to the delight of, well, everyone else - will not repeat as World Series champions. As a die-hard Blue Jays fan born in 1982, the fact that Toronto won back-to-back titles is all I've got left on "Red Sox Nation." Do it two times in a row Massholes, then talk to me.

The city of Boston is in mourning today, and I'm pleased to say that David Ortiz and Jason Varitek are a big reason why. Ortiz hit only .154 over the course of the ALCS, managing just four hits, one home run, and four RsBI. He struck out nine times. 

As for Varitek, his ALCS numbers are downright laughable. He managed one (1!) hit in 20 at-bats for a whopping .050 batting average, and struck out eight times in six games. Attaboy, Tek. Way to lead the troops. If there was any doubt that Varitek's not done as an everyday catcher in the majors, there should be no more, because it's painfully obvious that he's finished. I think Tek might have struck out for the last time in a Boston uniform. 

No Masshole can argue that the better team lost. The Rays were better on the mound, and much better at the plate. B.J. Upton and Evan Longoria combined for 19 RsBI in the series, equalling the output of Ortiz, Varitek, Kevin Youkilis, Dustin Pedroia, and J.D. Drew combined. Guys like Willy Aybar stepped up for Tampa, while Red Sox youngsters Jacoby Ellsbury and Jed Lowrie didnt answer the bell.

How about that pitching performance last night by Matt Garza? Seven innings, two hits, one earned run off a solo home run, and nine strikeouts. The Red Sox were "Garzafied" twice in the series, and Garza was well-deserving of the MVP award.

And don't forget about David Price's four-out save. With the fate of the Tampa Bay organization, and Red Sox haters everywhere, resting on his young shoulders, Price struck out J.D. Drew with the based loaded in the bottom of the eighth inning. He took the mound again in the ninth and struck out two more, including Varitek (sweet), before getting Jed Lowrie to ground out to end the game. Talk about picking up your first career save in style, eh? Price, only 23 years young, and fresh out of the 2007 draft, has got to be on top of the world today. 

As J.P. Ricciardi is always preaching, pitching is what gets the job done in the AL East. Scott Kazmir was the only Tampa Bay ALCS starter to register an ERA higher than 4.00. For the Red Sox, none of their starting pitchers were able to crack the 4.00 ERA mark. Josh Beckett, who has got to be injured, finished with a nasty 9.64 ALCS ERA.

The Rays and Phillies World Series will get started on Wednesday. I'm not sure it's safe to hop off a moving Tampa Bay bandwagon, but I sure as hell wouldn't mind seeing Matt Stairs win a ring. It's a win-win situation, really. The Fall Classic will be Red Sox free, after all.

Somewhere, someplace, Manny Ramirez is smiling. That makes two of us.

Yes Rays!

There is a God.

I still hate the Boston Red Sox

The champagne was on ice. The plastic sheets were up all over my apartment. I even had my goggles ready to go. Then the Boston Red Sox, left for dead, came back. Massholes everywhere rejoiced.

It wasn't supposed to go down like that.

Trailing 7-0 in the 7th inning, it looked like the Red Sox were going to fade quietly into the night. Watching the game on television I swear I'd never heard Fenway Park so quiet. I was revelling in the fact that the Massholes - those unlovable, incorrigible, "we are entitled to every pro sports championship in the world" douchebags - were going to watch the Tampa Bay Rays win the pennant on their turf. Nothing was going to have been better.

Well, talk about the sports fan's equivalent of premature ejaculation.

I should have known. The Boston Red Sox never fade quietly into the night. I'm still having a hard time believing they managed to come back against the mighty Rays' bullpen, with their backs up against the wall to boot. It was high drama. Then again, these are the Red Sox. These are, even sans Manny Ramirez, the defending World Series champions. Jeff Blair of The Globe and Mail, also known as the finest baseball writer on the planet, was kind enough to point out that Boston has won eight ALCS elimination games in a row, and nine of 10 overall. Pardon my French, but that's fucking ridiculous.

Can the BoSox do it again, and pull off another miracle comeback? I can't put it past them. I won't lie, I'm worried about the Rays. They're a bunch of kids, after all. What happened Thursday night, especially Evan Longoria's error in the bottom of the ninth, has the potential to propel the Red Sox back to the World Series.

As much as I do hate the Boston Red Sox, and I really, really do, it's got to be one hell of a joyride being on that bandwagon. From the highest highs to the lowest lows and then back again. Sort of like the Dow Jones.

Before I forget, I want to take this opportunity to point out just how fickle the Massholes, and the MSM that cover the Red Sox, collectively are. I want to show you just how loyal "Red Sox Nation" really is. With their most clutch hitter, and arguably one of the most clutch hitters ever, David Ortiz scuffling at the plate, his nick-name went from "Big Papi" to "Big Popup." You know that Ortiz guy? He was kind of, just kind of, instrumental in bringing a couple of titles to Boston. Of course, after his home run two nights ago, Ortiz is back to having his cock sucked by the Massholes.

It gets better. The "Nation" has turned on their beloved Captain, Jason Varitek, booing him and his pathetic .115 post-season batting average. Varitek's shit. I know it, you know it, and we all know it. In fact, we've all known it for a while. But now the Massholes stop defending him? Really? Now? When he needs their support the most? Classy bunch of fans over there in Boston, man, real classy.

Tonight at the Trop it's going to be Josh Beckett vs. James Shields. Tampa Bay will try to clinch the pennant at home, in front of their oh so loyal fan base who have stuck by the team through thin and, well, thinner. Yes, all eleven people who comprise the "oh so loyal fan base" will be in attendance and, let me tell you, they can't wait.

Speaking of Beckett, he has not looked like the Mr. October he normally is but, in typical Red Sox fashion, I'm expecting him to throw an absolute gem. Maybe he can tear a page out of Curt Schilling's book and paint his sock red. Fake blood worked like a charm the first time around.

For the Rays to win, Shields needs to go pitch-for-pitch with Beckett, and the middle of the Rays' lineup has to be just as good as it was on Thursday. Most importantly, though, the Rays to a man need to forget about the debacle that ended up being Thursday night.

Make it happen Tampa. Please. No doubt the majority of this city's baseball fans are cheering for you. For the love of God and all humanity, make the Boston Red Sox and the Massholes go away, even if it is just for a few months.

The Agony of Defeat

Is there anything in pro sports more agonizing than watching your opponents celebrate on your turf after they've just ended your season? 

What about when it's the Tampa Bay Devil Rays who have sent you packing? Ouch. Multiply the agony pictured above by 73.

I feel for the Chicago White Sox, and the entire city of Chicago (Chicago is Toronto's cousin). One city, two baseball teams in the playoffs, and neither were able to get past the first round. My heart really goes out to these two. The guy with the sign really needs a hug.

The Rays Have a Bandwagon?

So, the Tampa Bay Devil Rays are moving on to the ALCS and, well, it's official: I've hopped on to their bandwagon. Yes, there actually is a Tampa Bay Rays bandwagon. I found it yesterday. I know, it's fucked up. I've got to admit, though, that I'm feeling the mohawks. It's all about solidarity, brother. And who doesn't love a fairytale story of worst (in the entire league) to first?

The Rays remind me a lot of the 2003 Florida Marlins. You know, a bunch of kids who don't seem to be bothered by the pressure that comes part and parcel with October baseball. They've got nothing to lose because no one thought they'd be in this position in the first place. They just play. Oh, and they're coached by an old white dude.

There is one thing, however, that I could do without when it comes to Tampa Bay: this. It pains me deeply to see Eric Hinske going ape shit once again with a bottle of bubbly. It's just not fair; just not right. I saw enough of Shitske and champagne last year after the Boston Red Sox won the World Series. The deplorable Hinske saw a whopping total of two at bats during Boston's march to the title and, yep, you guessed it, he struck out both times. What a douchebag. 

Speaking of the Red Sox, they've got a date with the Devil (Rays). Boston is, most unfortunately, moving on after they finished off the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim last night. While I am happy for the great Canadian Jason Bay now that he has escaped baseball purgatory, you all know how I feel about the Red Sox.

Rays and Red Sox should be a doozy, and undoubtedly intense. These teams don't like each other.

Let me put it this way: when it comes to the Red Sox vs. the Rays, winner moving on to the World Series, I'm hoping I get to see Shitske pop another bottle of Bambino. 

Go Rays.

Full House

No, your eyes are not deceiving you. Those are real, actual people who filled Tropicana Field down in St. Petersburg this afternoon, to watch their beloved Tampa Bay Devil Rays defeat the Chicago White Sox 6-4 in game one of their American League Divisional Series.

Rays fans. 36,041 of them. At one game! They're not unicorns. They do exist. Who knew?  

Needless to say, attendance records in Tampa were obliterated today. 36,041 fans is about 532 more than the Rays saw in their first nine years of existence. Well done, Rays fans, well done.

A full house at the Trop. Can't say I ever thought I'd live to see that one.

Saying Goodbye, Just In Case...

If that was A.J. Burnett's final start with the Toronto Blue Jays, he went out in style, throwing another gem against the detested, the hated, the loathed New York Yankees.

His line last night, you ask? Eight innings pitched, seven hits allowed, one earned run, two walks, and 11 strikeouts. Filthy. Yeah, the Jays lost, but you can just go to hell  it doesn't matter. Last night was about A.J., and watching him receive a standing ovation, and then a curtain call, made me feel slightly aroused. He deserved it. 

Speaking of curtain calls, they're special here in Toronto. We don't fuck around, you know, like Yankee fans, who give curtain calls to everyone and their mother.

A.J. appreciated his moment in the spotlight:

"It gave me goose bumps and tears, almost at the same time. It's great, man. They've been awesome all year. When they've booed, whether I wanted to admit it or not, they deserved to. I think they realize I've taken a big step from who I was when I first came here."

That's right, A.J., you're a pitcher now. No longer a misunderstood young man with a 95 mile per hour heater who couldn't put it all together. Nope, not anymore. Trust me, we realize.

If he leaves us, you know what I'll miss most about Allan James? Efforts like last night's, against divisional douchebags the Yankees, Boston Red Sox, and (I can't believe I'm saying this) Tampa Bay Devil Rays.

Looking at A.J.'s splits, he was money against the Red Sox and Yankees this season. Below is a breakdown, so check out the layout:

A.J. vs NYY in 2008 (including last night's bonerific start)

Games started: 5

W/L: 3-1

Innings pitched: 38.1

ERA: 1.64

WHIP: 0.94

Hits: 30

Runs: 8

Earned runs: 7

Walks: 6

Strikeouts: 43

Opponents Batting Average: .219

Two of those starts came in Yankee Stadium, one was a complete game, and one was on three days rest.

A.J. vs Boston Red Sox in 2008

Games started: 4

W/L: 2-0

Innings pitched: 27.2

ERA: 2.60

WHIP: 1.23

Hits: 21

Runs: 9

Earned runs: 8

Walks: 13

Strikeouts: 24

Opponents Batting Average: .206

Both of Burnett's wins against the Sox came in Fenway Park, not exactly the easiest place for a guy to pitch, and one was on three days rest. In 13.2 innings on the mound in Fenway, Burnett did not allow an earned run. For you math whizzes out there, that's an ERA of 0.00.

Like I said, money.

While Burnett didn't enjoy the same success against the upstart Rays, he still pitched 'em respectably, going 1-2 with 3.15 ERA, 1.40 WHIP, and a .263 Rays batting average.

Although injuries fucked up Burnett's 2007 season, he did bitch slap the Red Sox once, and the Yankees twice (small sample size alert):

A.J. vs NYY in 2007

Games started: 2

W/L: 1-0

Innings pitched: 15.0

ERA: 0.60

WHIP: 0.93

Hits: 8

Runs: 1

Earned runs: 1

Walks: 6

Strikeouts: 13

Opponents Batting Average: .160

The way Burnett has pitched the Yankees over the last two years, I won't be surprised if New York goes hard at him with a ton of loot. You know, the Johnny Damon approach. If you can't beat him, piss everyone off by offering him, in this case Burnett, a contract he can't refuse, and that no one in their right fucking mind can match. The true Yankee way.

A.J. vs Boston Red Sox in 2007

Games started: 1

W/L: 1-0

Innings pitched: 8.2

ERA: 3.12

WHIP: 1.38

Hits: 9

Runs: 3

Earned runs: 3

Walks: 3

Strikeouts: 11

Opponents Batting Average: .273

I know, it was only one start, but it was a quality.

As you can see, A.J. brought his best against the best. I'll definitely miss that. 

If he leaves, what I won't miss is his 9.82 ERA in 14.2 innings against the Baltimore Orioles (what the fuck?), his 6.61 ERA in 16.1 innings against Oakland (seriously, what the fuck, the Athletics?), and his 7.30 ERA in 12.1 innings against the Texas Rangers (I have no snide comment, the Rangers are the best hitting team in baseball, and it's a damn shame they have zero pitching).

Ironically, A.J.'s "career year" has seen him put up the highest ERA (4.07) and WHIP (1.34) of any season in which he's made 19 or more starts.

I don't mean to take anything away from A.J. He was great this summer, and a lot of fun to watch. He made it past 220 innings, 221.1 to be exact, good for third in the American League. His 18 wins are good for fourth in the AL, and he'll likely finish first in the AL with 231 strikeouts. Post all-star break, Burnett was dominant, putting up an 8-2 record with a 2.86 ERA (including last night's bonerific start). He was a big reason the Jays were able to make September a little more interesting for us playoff-starved fans.

If last night was the end of the line, a Red Sox and Yankees killer is how I'll remember A.J. The injuries and frustration of 2006 and 2007? Fuck it. A.J. circa 2008 was the guy we thought we were getting when we signed him back in 2005. This is why we gave him the dollar dollar bills, y'all. 

Even if we do only end up getting one good year out of Burnett, man, he was worth it. If he leaves, he takes a piece of my heart along with him.

Raise your glass: cheers, A.J. 

Hell Has Officially Frozen Over

The Tampa Bay Devil Rays are going to the playoffs. Unbelievable. I am speechless. I am without speech.

Free Lunch

Thanks for owning the Tampa Bay DEVIL Rays (again), and for the free pizza, David Purcey. You are a rudey.

That's eight victories in a row for our Blue Jays, my friends. We're in Chicago for four, beginning tonight. A.J. Burnett will be on the mound for the good guys.

Toronto is now 10 games over the .500 mark. Since the Gastonian one took over behind the wheel, the Jays are 41-27. That's .600 baseball, mes amis.

Speaking of Cito, he deserves some props for leaving Purcey in the game in yesterday's 8th inning. Purcey made his own mess, loading the bases up with two outs, and Gaston let him clean it up. Just another reason why Cito is the man. It's pitching in situations like that that will go a long way in Purcey becoming a full-time major leaguer.

Fun Facts:

During the Jays' super excellent 6-0 homestand last week, they hit 11 home runs. Eleven home runs. By the 2008 Toronto Blue Jays. In six games. Crazy.

When John McDonald, the Prime Minister of Defence, plays, the Blue Jays win. The Jays are 27-18 when Johnny Mac gets the start at shortstop.

You know that Jesse Carlson guy? He's good. In 60 appearances he's sporting a 6-1 record, 1.90 ERA, 1.06 WHIP, and an opponents batting average of .197. He's struck out 51 batters in 52 innings, and he picked up his second save of the season yesterday. And he's a 27-year-old rookie. Another rudey on a roster full of 'em.

Tom Cheek:

Don't forget to vote for Tom Cheek. Daily.

Big Ups, Zaun

What a ball game. Exactly how the Jays drew it up. Four hours and 15 minutes long, a blown 3-0 lead in the top of the ninth, a 4-3 deficit in the bottom of the 13th inning, and a walf-off grand slam by "0-for-in-August" Gregg Zaun.

Yep, exactly how they drew it up.

I don't know about you, but as Zaun's ball headed toward, and eventually over, the fence, I was going about as crazy as Kramer at the off-track betting joint. It was epic.

Was there anyone more deserving on the Toronto roster than Zaunie to stroke the game winning hit? And a grand slam, no less. In the moment, I really felt happy for Zaun. True, unadulterated, joy. You couldn't have bitch-slapped the smile off my face. Zaunie's had such a tough season playing second fiddle to Rod Barajas, and you could see the by the look on his face that he was so happy to contribute; to make a difference.

Zaun's seen his playing time diminish greatly under the Gastonian regime and, unlike a guy like David Eckstein, he let it be known that he wasn't happy about it. I was a little peeved at Zaun's public airing of grievances until a week ago, when a friend of mine made a good point about Zaun: he's a fighter. He's always been a fighter. He's been fighting for a spot, for a chance to play, his whole career. It's all he really knows.

I can't blame Zaun. He's an athlete, and a man. He wants to play. Throughout his entire career, he's heard that he'd never make it, or that he'd never be more than a back-up. But he's battled. He's overcome alcoholism. Eventually, he finally made it.

At the end of the day, Zaunie's good people. Above all else, he wants to win. And I respect that. It was a great moment - one of the highlights of the season, actually - to see him get mobbed by his teammates at home plate in celebration of his most clutch grand slammage. It's been a rough, rough season for Zaun and, as his career with the Blue Jays is likely winding down, it was great to see him stretch the Jays win steak to seven games courtesy of some high drama.

A little lost amongst the drama was the fact that B.J. Ryan blew his fourth save on the season, and his ERA has now crept up over three runs, to 3.12. It's never been a walk in the park in the ninth inning when The Beej has been on the mound this season, and I don't think J.P. Ricciardi would be doing his job if he doesn't consider trade offers for B.J. this coming off-season. There's been some interesting talk about the Jays' bullpen around the blogosphere of late - it is, after all, the deepest and best 'pen in the league - and you can check out a sample courtesy of The Tao of Stieb here.

As for the Tampa Bay DEVIL Rays, I don't know about you, but when I saw them in the dugout during the 13th inning sporting the rally caps, all I could think was: these guys are kids. For some reason, the rally caps cried out inexperience and youthful exuberance. The Boston Red Sox wouldn't have been rocking the rally caps. Nor would have the New York Yankees. I think the golden rule is, or at least it should be, that you don't bust out the rally caps until the playoffs.

The DEVIL Rays have lost five of six, and are heading to Boston and then New York after Toronto. I would not be the surprised at all if they suffer a September collapse and end up missing the playoffs. It's time to see what they're made of.

The Jays are eight games behind the Red Sox in race for the wild card. Just saying. And we're undefeated in September. Just saying.

It's Over...but Travis Snider has arrived!

It's official, I've pulled the plug. Rest easy, 2008 Toronto Blue Jays. Yes, it was over long before last night, but Carl Pavano, Carl fucking Pavano, drove the final nail into the Toronto coffin.

Whatever was ailing the Blue Jays under the John Gibbons regime has returned. With a vengeance. Toronto pitching held the first place Tampa Bay DEVIL Rays - yes, it's still hella weird to say they're in first place - to only six runs over three games, but the Jays left Tampa for New York with only one win.

Last night, A.J. Burnett pitched a complete game, seven-hitter in the Bronx, and he took the 2-1 loss. I've said it before and I'll say it again: it cannot be fun to pitch for this group of hitters.

Speaking of the anemic offence, Jays fans got a glimpse of the future last night, as Travis Snider made his major league debut. I don't know about you, but I had a hard on when he came up to the plate for the first time.

The kid didn't disappoint. He stroked a ball deep into centre field for a double his second time up, and scored the Jays' only run of the ball game. He's only 20 years old, but Snider is going to make playing out the stretch a lot more interesting and fun to watch.

Snider's arrival was paved thanks to the trade-age of Matt Stairs to the Philadelphia Phillies. Stairs is, as my main man Steve Paikin always says, a great Canadian. We all knew he wore that Toronto Blue Jays jersey with a hell of a lot of pride, and I'm definitely sad to see him go. He had some great things to say about Toronto, and you can read all about it at the Thullard Jays Fans website.

Stairsy's on his way to a contender, and I don't doubt that he'll help the Phillies in their quest to make the playoffs. His career is winding down, and I think it's great that he gets to finish it with a team like the Phillies, instead of riding the pine here in Toronto, as we're clearly going with more of a youth movement. Thanks for the memories, Stairsy.

I'm looking forward to new ones from Travis Snider.

Matt Mother Fucking Garza

Matt Garza is a Toronto Blue Jays killer. Last night he, once again, bitch slapped our boys. In four starts against the Jays this year, Garza has allowed a paltry one run in 31 innings.

One run. In 31 innings. That is ridiculous.

Sure, Garza is a good young pitcher, but I. Don't. Get. It. Why can't we hit this guy? He has thoroughly dominated the Jays his last three times out, and has got a Scott Downs-like 24 1/3 innings shutout streak going against the local nine.

Really, Garza, what the fuck? Over the course of the season, he's lost to American League bitches like the Seattle Mariners, Baltimore Orioles, Kansas City Royals (twice!), and Cleveland Indians (twice!). But he sure as fuck loves pitching against the Blue Jays.

I don't know, maybe Garza's pissed because we tossed him around like a cheap hooker in his Major League debut last year when he was with the Twins, but, well, shit. Enough with the payback, man.

I hate you, Matt Garza.

And poor David Purcey. He was, uh, dynamite last night. It's a shame he took the complete-game loss. Poor little Purcey.

The Jays' loss, combined with another win by the Red Sox, means we're nine...it means I'm drinking.