Respect

I've yet to come down from my Jose Bautista high. If you have, watch this.

Which do you prefer: a 16-2 thrashing of the Boston Red Sox by the Blue Jays at Fenway Park, or a dramatic 3-2 victory over the New York Yankees at the ole Dome? Both contests certainly had their charm, and I enjoyed Toronto's Boston Massacre probably more than anyone, but if I had to pick one, I'd have to choose the events of Monday night. What an evening of baseball!1 I needed a cigarette after it was all said and done.

What didn't happen in that game? Ejections, a home plate umpire who couldn't discern the strikezone even as he crouched behind it, a benches clearing -- what shall we call it? -- brouhaha, and, of course, long-ball theatrics, and some showmanship, from Jose Bautista.

What's left to be said about Bautista that hasn't already been written? Forty home runs. A feat Carlos Delgado, the greatest Blue Jays slugger I've ever known, managed but three times in Toronto. But it wasn't that Bautista hit the 40-mark Monday night; it was the way he got there.

What I've enjoyed most about watching Bautista as the season has progressed is the confidence he's brought to the batter's box. As home run after home run began to stockpile, Bautista began, more and more, to believe in himself; to believe in his abilities. Now he steps up to the plate knowing -- believing -- he can take any pitcher out of the ballpark. And it was that confidence, and that swagger, that was on display last night for the New York Yankees, and the baseball world, to see.

Bautista has become a leader on the Blue Jays. The leader, perhaps. And if Bautista doesn't yet have your respect, he will demand it. And he will go out and get it. What I loved most about Bautista's comments post-game was the candor with which he delivered them. Unhappy with being sent to the mat by a high-and-tight fastball from Yankees rookie Ivan Nova, Bautista said he slowly made his way out to the mound in order to gauge the youngster's reaction. He was testing Nova. And Nova failed.

Proof of Bautista's elevation to slugger, and leader, was found in the reaction to the melee, by both the Yankees and Blue Jays. As Bautista crept to the mound, it was New York manager Joe Girardi who stepped in front of him and asked that his young pitcher's bravado be forgiven. Girardi could have gone to his pitcher; he chose to restrain Bautista. And as Girardi put his hands on Bautista, it was Jose Molina first on the scene for Toronto, grabbing Bautista away from the Yankees skipper, and walking him away from the scene.

Then there was the business of Bautista's 40th home run. A no-doubter, if there ever was one. Look, I'm all for guys playing the game the right way; for a slugger to hit a home run and act like he's done it, oh, you know, 39 times before. But Bautista had every right to enjoy that long ball more than any of the his previous 39, and I'm glad he did. Bautista was locked-in; focused. It was, as Parkes over at Drunk Jays Fans put it, "perhaps the greatest display by a hitter in a single at bat that I've ever seen." David Robertson paid dearly for Ivan Nova's mistake.

In the aftermath of the home run, more proof of Bautista's exalted status. If you watch the replays closely, as Bautista steps out of the dugout for his curtain call (yes!!!1), DeWayne Wise and Freddy Lewis are standing on the top step of the dugout, nodding their heads, and looking, it seems, straight at the Yankees dugout. It was as intense a moment I've witnessed all season; a sure sign that this Blue Jays team is tight-knit, and will not back down from anybody, no matter how many games they're behind in the standings.

Jose Bautista has single-handedly brought people back to the ballpark this season. He has single-handedly given people a reason to talk about the Toronto Blue Jays. Bautista has made it easier to swallow the terrible seasons Adam Lind and Aaron Hill are having. He's made it easy to not lose sleep over the fact that save for April and May, Vernon Wells has been awful, and is an absolutely insane choice to be batting cleanup. Bautista is the biggest part of why this season has been one of the most memorable in recent years, and a big part of why Toronto is buzzing about baseball. If you were at the game Monday night, or watching on television like I was, you could sense that there was indeed something different about it. Yankees fans certainly noticed. Their players did, too. Bautista is now enemy number one in their books, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Bautista will break George Bell's single-season Toronto record of 47 home runs. Bautista will hit 50. It's his summer. And I will not, goddamnit, let Damien Cox ruin it.

The Undercard

If Jose Bautista vs. David Robertson was Monday night's main event, Brandon Morrow vs. the New York Yankees was the undercard. Morrow's masterful performance was lost in the lights of The Jose Bautista Show, but it certainly did not go unnoticed.

It's not everyday a pitcher mows through the New York lineup, striking out 12 batters in six innings while only scattering four hits. Morrow put to rest any doubts about his arm, striking out the New York side on three separate occasions: in the 1st, 3rd, and 6th innings. When's the last time you saw that happen?

"Gotta At Least Ask The Question"

Thanks to the aforementioned Cox, everyone's favourite scribe, the Bautista-steroid rumours and allegations aren't going to disappear. The fact Jose got to 40 in the manner that he did against New York won't help. Brady Anderson's name was flying about on Twitter last night, let me tell you.

If Cox is so eager to "at least ask the question," I wonder, where was Cox last summer, when Aaron Hill, who'd never hit more than 17 home runs, and was coming off a concussion-riddled campaign that saw him hit two home runs in 55 games, swatted 36 home runs? Where was Cox when Adam Lind, who hit 11 home runs in 2007, and 9 home runs in 2008, hit 35 last season?

Roger Maris hit 16 home runs in 1959, and 39 in 1960. In 1961 he set the standard: 61 home runs. He'd never hit more than 33 in a season again. I guess he might have been on steroids, too.

Here are my questions: Why Bautista? Why now?

The bottom line: if Bautista is indeed using a super-steroid which isn't turning up in the drug tests he's taking, he needs to start sharing. With Lind, and Hill, and Wells. Because sharing is caring. And because lord only knows those guys could use the help.

Some good has, and will continue to, come out of this situation. It's rather apparent that even those that work with Cox don't seem to like him very much. He's been called out, through sarcastic blog posts and tweets, by his colleagues in his own newsroom, and those in other newsrooms. And while I've promised myself on many occasions to never read Cox again, I'm sticking to it this time. His Bautista piece was the last straw.

#TeamGriffin.

Image courtesy of daylife.

Is this real life?

I have emerged, relatively unscathed, from a 33 and a half hour bachelor party in Toronto. A copious amount of alcohol was consumed. In large part to celebrate the arrival of #81; Madison, Wisconsin's own, Phil Kessel. (And the soon-to-be-groom.)

I admit it: I chuckled, rather boisterously, upon reading the first sentence of Damien Cox's column Saturday morning ...

"For the 10th time in the past 20 years, the Maple Leafs have sacrificed a first-round selection in the NHL entry draft to make a significant trade."

Who didn't see that coming?

But I digress. Cox's column was, in fact, borderline positive.

It's one thing to trade a first-round draft pick for an aging Brian Leetch. Or a 29-year-old (and going on 41) Wendel Clark. Or a 31-year-old Owen Nolan. It's another to trade a first-round draft pick for a goalie - Vesa "my five-hole is always open" Toskala - unproven as a legitimate number one.

But it's a whole new ball game when you trade two first-round draft picks, and a second-round pick, for a guy who's scored 36 goals in the NHL before the age of 22.

I believe in Phil Kessel.

Don't get me wrong; I thought, much like you, that the days of trading first-round picks were over. I thought we had dawned upon a new era; you know, an era in which the Leafs would actually develop their own talent. But the Kessel deal is one, I have decided, that I can get behind. The Kessel deal is one that had to be made. Brian Burke has found his top-six forward. He's locked up him up, long-term. And at the high cost of three draft picks, including two first-rounders, so be it. In Brian Burke I trust.

How can you not be excited about a guy who averaged only 16:32 of ice-time a game last season, along with limited power play duty, and still potted 32 goals? Only freedom-hating terrorists can't appreciate that shit.

How does a future of Nazem Kadri, Kessel, and Luke Schenn sound? Boners abound, I say.

The best part: Kessel, coming off shoulder surgery, will be ready to play in mid-November. When it matters.

UPDATE: Playoffs!!1

UPDATE #2: "Phil the Thrill." What do we think?

"SimmonsSays"

Right off the top: I don't read Steve Simmons' work. In this case, it just happened. And while I hate to do this, Simmons leaves me no choice. This one's for you, CoxBloc ...

"The normal July selloffs in baseball are of players with expiring contracts, which makes the Roy Halladay situation all the more confounding. Why the need to trade him now? Why is it necessary, with another season left on his contract, not knowing what next year will bring, who the new president or general manager will be, or how this Blue Jays team will be comprised? Why not try to build around him for what could be his final season in Toronto rather than make this his final weekend with the Jays?"

A) Doc isn't a lock to be traded.

2) J.P. Ricciardi knows his asset is going to test free agency. He wouldn't be doing his job if he didn't put Halladay on the market, as he's done.

D) We all know the Jays can't afford to let Halladay walk for only two compulsory draft picks. Well, everyone except Mr. Simmons, clearly.

And now, some fun with numbers: if a team, say, I don't know, the Philadelphia Phillies, acquires Doc today, they have him guaranteed, apart from injury, as part of their rotation for eight months. If the Phillies acquire Halladay next July, in 2010, they've got him for two months. You tell me, is eight greater than two? Very good. If the competition wants Halladay for eight months, along with his exclusive negotiating rights, the price goes up. Bottom line: Doc's value will never be higher. Math; it's some crazy shit.

"Clearly J.P. Ricciardi lacks the vision and the creativity to build a winner. That much we know. So we reiterate the question we asked last week: Why, if Ricciardi is certain to be gone, is he the one handling the Halladay trade talks? And why, if he will have nothing to do with the future of the Jays is he involved in the transaction that supposedly will set this team up for the future?"

Amazing. Simmons goes out his way to point out that Doc is under contract through 2010, but fails to mention that same fact about Ricciardi. Nicely done. And let's file the "Ricciardi is certain to be gone" statement alongside "Mats Sundin needs immediate hip surgery, and may be forced to retire." (No, Simmons will never live that one down.)

As for the potential trade, even my mom, upstairs, knows that the Halladay decision is not being made by Ricciardi alone; J.P.'s not hiding in a closet at the Rogers Centre, making the deal on his cell phone. Assistant GMs Alex Anthopoulos and Tony LaCava are heavily involved, as is Paul Beeston, and ownership. To suggest that Ricciardi is making the decision all by his lonesome is, well, Toronto Sun reporting.

"A Ricciardi question: Has there ever been a more unpopular GM in Toronto history? And that's including Gerry McNamara and John Ferguson Jr."

A Simmons question: Has there ever been a more unpopular sports reporter in Toronto history? And that's including Howard Berger and Damien Cox.

"Used to think Scott Rolen was a real pro until he turned down a simple television request for an interview the other day. Hey Scott, this ain't St. Louis, pal. Part of the millions you make is to try to sell the product ..."

The fact that Simmons no longer likes Rolen makes me like the hulking third baseman even more. GBJOAT - Greatest Blue Jay of All Time.

"When Mark Buehrle threw his perfect game this week, he became the 17th White Sox pitcher to throw a no-hitter. That's 16 more than the Jays can boast."

When the Chicago White Sox won the World Series in 2005, it was their first title in 88 years, since 1917. That's one fewer than the Jays can boast. But, yeah, keep working on those no-hitters and perfect games, Jays pitchers. Just one? Pathetic.

Never. Reading. Simmons. Again.

Ron Wilson Hates Alex Steen

Ian White played 17:04 in last night's loss to the first-place (!) Boston Bruins. In stark contrast, Alex Steen saw only 09:58 of ice time.

As much as Matt Stajan has made strides this season, Alex Steen has regressed. It's cause for concern.

I understand that Steen isn't being put in offensive situations, but in a rebuilding year where development is priority number one, shouldn't he be? Steen's got the potential to be a top six forward and in order for him to become one, he's got to play.

So what's the deal, why isn't Steen playing more? Did he call Ron Wilson a pimp, or something? I'd love to hear coach explain. As great as Wilson has been, the facts don't lie, and this Leafs team isn't all that good. Sure, we can score, but the defence sucks and the penalty killing is atrocious. It pains me to say it, but Damien Cox is on to something, and Wilson doesn't deserve a free ride. No way, not when the team is killing penalties only 72% of the time (I just threw up in my mouth). And, yes, I know, the goaltending has been pretty awful. But still. I think it's time we put down our Wilson Kool-Aid cups. 

I'm not sure what the options are when it comes to Alex. I don't think he can be sent to the minors. Frankly, I don't want him to be. The guy can play in the NHL, and is paid accordingly to do so. I think it's simply a case of him not being used appriopriately. I mean, I can't imagine Steen was signed to a two-year, $3.4 million contract to play on the fourth line.

It's amazing that only three years ago Steen and Kyle Wellwood were seen as the cornerstones of the Leafs franchise moving forward. Now Welly, lost for bloody nothing in return, is scoring goals out west and Steen's playing less than ten minutes a game. It's fucked up. Who's to blame - players or coaches and management? I'll let you decide, but I'm pretty confident you know which way I'm leaning.

I don't want the Leafs to give up on Steen. They'll regret it if they do. But he's got to play, and it's as simple as that. I doubt his confidence has ever been lower. As much as I love Jason Blake, he played 18 minutes last night. Wouldn't it make sense for Steen to see that amount of ice time, and get his confidence back where it needs to be? Steen surely needs the minutes more than Blake does, and definitely has a brighter future with the Leafs, three or four years down the road, than #55.

Play Steen, Ron Wilson. Play the shit out of him. Losses be damned.

And Vesa, how about some fucking saves? Jesus.

Deep Thoughts Vol. 14: It's Time To Show Stajan Some Love

I'm always the first one to shit on Matt Stajan. I've been hard on the guy for years. Well, the Mississauga native is playing out of his mind, and it's time I showed him some love.

Is there a guy on the Maple Leafs who has benefited from the departure of Mats Sundin more than Stajan? The kid is on fire. Another three points last night, to make it nine points in the last five games. Suddenly, Stajan is leading the team in scoring with 16 points (four goals and 12 assists) in 16 games.

To put that shit in perspective, Stajan had 33 points in 82 games last season. In 16 games, he's already registered 48% of the points he had last year. That's ridiculous.

I've got to give credit where it's due. Stajan's producing. He's the first line centre for a reason. After being benched in October, he's responded about as well as anyone could have imagined, especially considering the way he started the season. Our boy Matty was pointless in the first five games he played, and took in Toronto's third game of the season from the press box.

Perhaps Damien Cox was right. Maybe this kid might be captain material after all. 

Jesus, I can't believe I just wrote that. Both Cox being right, and Stajan being captain material.

I Love Goals, Goals, Goals, Goals

Goals I do adore. After another five last night, it's 55 goals in 17 games, good enough to still lead the Eastern Conference. Is it safe to call the Toronto Maple Leafs an offensive juggernaut? I think so. If the boys could ever figure out all that defence and penalty killing stuff, we'd be unstoppable. But it sure has been fun to see them bulge the twine as often as they have.

The Great Grabovski

With another goal last night, Mikhail Grabovski extended his point streak to six games. Grabs is another guy who has been counted on to fill Sundin's minutes and production, and he's delivered. He brings much joy to my heart, and I love him more with each passing day.

Also, I think I've figured out the real reason why the Montreal Canadiens and their fans hate Grabs so much. It might have something to do with the fact that he has as many goals as Tomas Plekanec, Sergei Kostitsyn, and Andre Kostitsyn combined.

You think the Frenchies are regretting the trade yet? If they say no, they're lying.

Congrats Kaberle

With a goal and two assists last night, Tomas Kaberle passed legend Ian Turnbull to become the third-highest scoring defenceman to ever play for the Toronto Maple Leafs. In 698 games, Kabby has racked up 415 points. Next on the list, with 458 points as a defenceman, is some guy you might have heard of: Tim Horton.

It amazes me to know that Kabby was drafted 204th overall. What a career. I love you, Tomas.

The Versatile White Guy

Ian White has a role on this team, and it's as a forward. He scored again last night and now has two goals and three assists on the year, in only 6 games. He's also a +4. He's one versatile mother fucker, and is really coming in handy. He's made the most of his opportunity since he was inserted into the lineup, and I've got to give him props for that.

To put White's play into perspective, he now has more points than Alex Steen.

Speaking of Steen, I always thought he was the better offensive player compared to Stajan. It looks like I'm wrong, yet again. You'd think I'd be used to it by now, but I'm not.

Two Assists In One Game

By Jason Blake. Seriously. No, seriously. 

He played great last night. Responded well to his second benching. This entire city hates #55, but not me. Jason, you've got a fan in me. I believe in you, man.

Can We Keep Him?

Niklas Hagman? He's quickly won the hearts of Leafs fans across the land. Great signing. Bryan McCabe for Mike Van Ryn? I was skeptical, but it turned out to be a great trade. Before that arrest-resisting bitch Tom Kostopoulos came along, of course. Grabovski for a couple of draft picks? What do you say, Damien Cox? Looks like a pretty shrewd move, doesn't it? I'd certainly say so. Trading up to draft Luke Schenn? Yeah, I think that was pretty smart. I can't even say I've been disappointed with the play of Jeff Finger. I like what he brings to the table: physicality, and a defence-first attitude. I even like Jamal Mayers. Sure, the -7 sucks, but he's street. He sticks up for his teammates, and I dig that.

Forget Brian Burke. Cliff Fletcher's only 73 years old, and is the coolest senior citizen around. He's got at least seven more fantastic years in him.

Torn...

I spent a couple of hours late last night staring out at the city beyond my window, listening to Natalie Imbruglia, and thinking about Luke Schenn. The kid is staying with the Maple Leafs and, much like Natalie sings, I'm torn.

On an aside, I've got quite the view of Toronto from my mother's basement. You'd be surprised.

When it comes to the man-child known as Schenn, I must admit that I'm surprised, and a little disappointed, that he won't be returning to junior hockey. I felt that, at the end of the day, another year of dominating hockey players his own age could not have hurt him. Schenn would have been the number one guy on the Kelowna Rockets, and would have had the chance to play in every situation, especially the power play - something he won't get much of an opportunity to do here with the Leafs. Schenn was also a shoo-in for the Canadian entry at the World Junior tournament, and likely would have captained the squad.

In Schenn's defence, and also much to my delight, he's played great so far this season. He's proven that he's ready to play with the best players in the world. In only eight games, he's become one of Ron Wilson's go-to guys, and has cracked the top four on the blue line. Frankly, it's hard not to be impressed by what he's been able to step in and do. His play really made it hard for the Leafs to send him back down, and I can't help but admire the drive and work ethic of the soon-to-be 19-year-old (!) for that.

One thing is clear: Schenn plays with the poise of a seasoned NHL defenceman. He plays hard, he plays with passion, and he sticks up for his teammates. Watching the youngster step in and fight Chris Neil, after Neil nailed Matt Stajan on Saturday night, brought a tear to my eye. Schenn really looks like he might be the real deal.

Speaking of Chris Neil, his pathetic douchebaggery knows no bounds. He was willing to drop the gloves and fight Luke Schenn, but when Jamal Mayers was standing in front of him, gloves off and asking for a dance, Neil politely declined, bitch that he is, and skated off to the Ottawa bench. Gutless. Absolutely gutless. Neil is an embarrassment to hockey, the game I love with all my being, and Canada, the country I love even more. Fuck Chris Neil. And if you're down with Chris Neil, fuck you too.

Oh yeah, and Stajan, would you be a dear and try keeping your head up? It would be appreciated. There's only so many of your battles Schenn, six years your junior, can fight, honey. If you're not going to keep your head up, do us all a favour and grow some gonads. Stupid, sexy, Stajan. 

Of course, we don't really know if Luke Schenn is the real deal. Not yet. My good friend MF37, who runs the great blog Bitter Leaf Fan, made some valid points after I emailed him asking him his thoughts on the Schenn announcement. He's right: there is simply no tried, tested and true way to best develop NHL talent. Each and every player, and each and every situation, is different. Schenn may be ready. Or Schenn may not be ready. We don't know. We never watched him play in junior, and an eight game sample size is much too small for us, or anyone for that matter, to pass judgement. All we can do is put our hope in Ron Wilson and the coaching staff. While the majority of signs are pointing to Schenn being the stud we so badly want and need him to be, we'll get the answer we're looking for, one way or another, in a few years. 

The decision to keep Schenn was a tough call by the Leafs' brain trust, especially considering the traffic jam on the blue line. It's a decision they will no doubt take a lot of heat for. But I'll give them props for going against the grain. 

You full well know Damien Cox was foaming at the mouth once he heard Schenn was looking for permanent digs, and Damien undoubtedly will shit all over the club today, conjuring memories of Drake Berehowsky ("Hate the Drake!") and Al Iafrate. Not that I'm surprised. No matter what the Leafs had done with Schenn, the wrath of the mittenstringers was waiting for them.

In the spirit of the season - it's a development year, right? - let's sit back and enjoy watching Schenn develop in front of our very eyes. I'm game, and I'm excited. 

Welcome to Toronto, Luke. Officially, this time. My head was hoping you'd be back on your way to Kelowna. My heart was hoping you'd stay...

Sean Avery; Oh What Could Have Been

Sean Avery, everyone's favourite douchebag, took his act to Dallas over the summer. He made his return to New York Monday night, and was at his Avery best during his post-game interview.

So, he gets in Brandon Dubinsky's face, and calls Rangers back-up goalie Stephen Valiquette a "minor leaguer." (You know, a "minor leaguer" who beat the Leafs twice last season, and who has already shut us out this season. Just saying.) Then, apparently, Avery gets into it with the Rangers' colour man. 

My point is, just imagine a full season of Sean Avery and the Toronto Maple Leafs media. Worlds would have collided. Oh, the fun it would have been. Think about it, Damien Cox didn't get along with Darcy Tucker. Imagine the living hell Avery would have put him through. To read the hatred Cox would have spewed towards Avery, day in and day out, would have been worth it alone. 

I still think we should have signed Avery, or at least tried to. He would have made a plucky Toronto team even tougher to play against and, more importantly, Damien Cox's life miserable. And, really, at the end of the day, isn't that we all want? 

* Hat tip to Greg Wyshynski at Puck Daddy for the Avery video and link. They're good people over there, check 'em out if you don't already. 

How'd We Do?

The eye of the storm has passed. The frenzied part of the NHL's free agency period is over. So, do I like what Grandpa Cliff Fletcher and the Toronto Maple Leafs have done? Of course I do.

Instead of writing about the Leafs' moves in an emotional, and inebriated, state on July 1st, I decided to let a couple of days pass. I was actually just really lazy, but, hey, I'm sure you feel me.

Only one player from my free agent wish list is on his way to Toronto. Curtis Joseph, welcome back, my man.

I was a huge, huge Cujo fan back in the day. Until he left for Detroit on his quest to win a Stanley Cup ring. Much to my surprise, a column I wrote entitled "Breaking Up Is Hard To Do," back in 2003 for On The Wall Magazine, is still up online.

Basically, I loved Cujo, hated him after he left, wished ill upon him and his family, fell in love with Ed Belfour, and revelled in the fact that Cujo wasn't able to get a ring. Petty and bitter, I know. What can I say, it was an emotional time.

Years have passed. I've grown up. It's all water under the bridge now. It's evident that Cujo's quest for a ring has ended, hence his signing back here in Toronto, but it's going to be fun seeing him back in the crease at the ACC. He had some phenomenal years in Toronto and is the perfect back-up for Vesa Toskala. He knows his role.

Cujo's signing also means that Justin Pogge will be the number one guy and play the majority of games, in both the regular season and - especially - the playoffs, for the Toronto Marlies, and I'm all over that.

It has taken a few days, but I've rationalized the signing of Jeff Finger to a $14 million, 4-year contract. It took a while, and some deep soul searching, but I've done it. Don't get me wrong, it was a struggle.

Just when I thought I was happy about it, I went and read this. It was, needless to say, extremely disheartening. Could the Maple Leafs have actually confused Jeff Finger with Kurt Sauer? Like Kevin Garnett said a few weeks ago, "anything is possible." I mean, we're talking about the Toronto Maple Leafs here. If DeVry's motto is "We're serious about success," then the Toronto Maple Leafs' motto is "We're serious about incompetence." Being a Leafs fan has taught me that I can never, ever, ever, put anything past the clowns that run this franchise. They are capable of worldly acts of idiocy, including mistaking Jeff Finger for Kurt Sauer, and if it's true, Fletcher is every bit as old as he looks.

Anyway, after I learned of the actual terms of Finger's contract (originally I thought the deal was 4-years, $3.75 million total, not per year), saw that he's rated only 68 in NHL 2008 on my XBOX 360, I curled up in the corner of my bedroom and had a good cry. I then sat around trying to justify his presence on the Maple Leafs blue line.

Firstly, let's throw the terms of his contract out the window. It's a fucked up contract. Let's not pull any punches here. You know it. I know it. We all know it. Before Tuesday afternoon, none of us knew who this cat was - OK, except MF37 - and come Tuesday night, none of us could believe the terms of the deal. But such is the beast known as free agency. Everyone overpays. There is nothing free about free agency.

Before I go on, I've got to get something off my chest. It's really bothering me. In all seriousness, how is it possible that Andrew Raycroft was signed by the Colorado Avalanche? How!? Am I dreaming? How could they give him a contract? How could they agree to pay him $800,000? Did they not see him in action last year? Did they not see any videotape? Did they not check out YouTube? Do the Colorado Avalanche have scouts? No, really, does Colorado have scouts? Unbelievable. All I know is that whatever they are smoking down in Colorado, I want a sample. Please. It has got to be some unbelievable, "holy-shit-let's-sign-Andrew-fucking-Raycroft" type shit.

Back to Finger. Like I said, forget about the terms of the deal. Block it out of your mind. Forever. It's easier that way. Finger is a good signing because a defensive defenceman cannot, in any way, shape, or form, hurt the Toronto Maple Leafs. Think about it. A shutdown guy who loves to take the body and block shots. How can that be a bad thing?

The Leafs currently employ two defencemen who are allergic to playing the body, sort of like how seven-foot tall Andrea Bargnani is allergic to rebounding. They could do it. They just don't want to. I'm not going to name names, but playing the body is simply not part of Tomas Kaberle and Anton Stralman's game. Not that there's anything wrong with that. They're great defencemen, and huge parts of the team going forward.

The Leafs also currently employ a defenceman who loves playing the body, but who when he does so, costs himself about half or two-thirds of his season. Again, I'm not going to name names, but if Carlo Colaiacovo injures himself trying to body check an opponent this season, I'm not going to be pleased.

If you're counting, that's two defencemen who don't take the body, and one who injures himself in the process. Three out of six. That's why Jeff Finger cannot hurt being on the Leafs' blue line. Sure, we overpaid, but look at the coin Brook Orpiks got, and he's a shutdown guy who's -29 over his career. I know, he's got more experience, but, well, that -29 isn't exactly a good "shutting down" track record.

And don't tell me about Hal Gill, either. He's gone. I know, he was a shut down defenceman too, and now we're paying Finger more than Gill, but he's gone. We must turn the page. Like I said, I've justified Finger's presence on our blue line, and I'm at peace with my decision.

Niklas Hagman was Grandpa's other signing on July 1st. The money - $12 million over four years - is fair, and he brings speed, decent finish, and solid penalty killing ability to the squad. Welcome to hell, Hagman. Enjoy your stay. We expect nothing less than 27 goals you scored for the Dallas Stars last season.

Grandpa Fletcher also made a trade yesterday with the Montreal Canadiens, sending some dude we just drafted and a second-round pick in 2010 the Habs' way. In return, the Leafs get Mikhail Grabovski, a flashy, 24-year-old centre with tons of potential and who's been successful in the AHL. Grabovski's a free agent and the next order of business will be for Fletcher to get his name on a contract. All signs point to Grabovski being a big part of next year's Leafs squad. He'll get every opportunity to play a big role, and here's calling him pushing Matt Stajan further down the depth chart, where he belongs (Stajan will never be more than a third-line player).

Expect Damiex Cox, among others I'm sure, to be bitching about how the Leafs gave up yet another prospect and draft choice in a trade, but we're not getting a veteran in return here. We're getting a young player who's already had a taste of the NHL and who knows what it's going to take in order to belong. There's a big, big difference between trading a second-round draft choice for an aging Yanic Perreault and trading a second-round draft choice for a guy like Grabovski. Keep that in mind when you read your regular dose of Leafs/Fletcher bashage today, tomorrow, and in the days to come.

Deep Thoughts Vol. 6

Do you hear that? Over in la belle provence? That's the collective "Uh-Oh" coming from the good folks in Montreal after Carey Price channeled his inner Andrew Raycroft last night in Philadelphia, allowing three goals on only 12 shots.

More and more is Price beginning to look like the 20-year-old kid he is. The pressure in the Stanley Cup playoffs is immense and Philadelphia is a tough building to play in.

Here's what I wrote back on April 3: "I think, and hope, the Canadiens end up regretting trading (Cristobal) Huet instead of keeping him as insurance for the playoffs."

Dreams, my friends, can come true. With the Flyers now up two-to-one over Montreal, I can't help but think of Happy Gilmore headbutting Bob Barker and telling him: "The price is wrong, bitch." Best. Cameo. Appearance. Ever.

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Still on the Flyers/Habs series, is Darian Hatcher not the biggest doofus in the NHL? His hit from behind on Francis Bouillon was bush-league and typical of the Philadelphia Flyers. But it takes a special type of moron to do it in the third period with his team up three-nothing. Hatcher single-handedly got the Canadiens back into the game and while I hate both teams equally, a part of me was hoping the Habs would tie it up, and even win it in overtime, so Hatcher could feel like even more of an idiot. What a douche bag. I hate Hatcher.

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Here's a video called "Hitler Loves the Flyers" courtesy of Slap Shot, the New York Times hockey blog. It was made after the Habs won game one of their series with Philadelphia so while the shots at Martin Biron are clearly unwarranted today, the numerous disses thrown at Danielle Briere are simply amazing. The video is golden. Enjoy!



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Seriously, how does Detroit do it? Johan Franzen, aka "The Mule," is tied for the NHL playoff goal-scoring lead with seven goals in only eight games.

So, uh, who the hell is this guy? Franzen scored 27 goals in the regular season to go along with only 11 assists. Eight of those goals were game-winners and 14 came on the power play. The guy's a sniper. To close out the regular season, Franzen scored 15 goals in Detroit's final 16 games. He's picked up right where he left off in the playoffs.

I must admit that I knew Franzen was poised for a breakout season. I picked him in the last round of my keeper league fantasy hockey pool. Sure, I dropped him after he opened the season with only one goal in 17 games, but, well, that's besides the point. I still knew.

Franzen is the next player on the long list of successful late Detroit Red Wings draft picks. He was chosen in the third round, 97th overall back in 2004.

The others? Pavel Datsyuk, drafted in the sixth round, 171st overall in 1998. Nicklas Lidstrom, drafted in the third round, 53rd overall way back in 1989. Dude's had a pretty good career, hasn't he? Valtteri Filppula, who scored 19 goals this season, was chosen in the third round, 95th overall in 2002. Look for him to have a Franzen-type breakout season next year. Tomas Holmstrom, drafted in the 10th round, 257th overall back in 1994, has forged a nice little career for himself. And, of course, Henrik Zetterberg, drafted in the 7th round, 210th overall in 1999, is only one of the NHLs best players.

Unbelievable, eh? Detroit's scouting and drafting department is the best in the NHL, no contest. If the Toronto Maple Leafs are serious about winning a Stanley Cup they should buy the Detroit scouting staff and get Ken Holland over here asap.

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Sean Avery has officially transcended hockey. Here's a piece about him in The New Yorker.

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Speaking of douche-baggery, here's an article I've been wanting to share for a long time, courtesy of The New York Times, on the timeless art of the face wash.

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Is it time to officially give the Dallas Stars some respect? First they shoot down the defending champion Anaheim Ducks in five games and then they go into San Jose and win games one and two on the road. Yeah, I think some respectage is due.

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Dan Myers over at Penalty Shots thinks the Leafs should be considering, get ready for this one, Bobby Clarke for the general manager position. Clarke's career record as a GM is a sparkling 714-443-199. It's tough to argue with that record, but it's not tough to argue that Clarke is a serious douche who left one hell of a mess behind in Philadelphia. While we do have what Clarke never did in Philly - a goalie - I just don't see it happening.

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The Toronto Marlies are moving on to the second round of the AHL playoffs thanks to an ugly goal by Bates Battaglia with only a minute to go in game seven last night. While I'm still losing sleep over the fact that Justin Pogge is not in net for the Marlies, Scott Clemmensen was great yesterday, making 33 saves to ensure the victory. He's keeping the hopes of a parade alive in the city of Toronto. Sad, I know, but it's all we've got.

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Speaking of Toronto, when did we become the "City of Champions"? I thought Edmonton held that title? Did I miss the memo or something, because I sure as hell haven't missed any championships.

I ask because Damien Cox wrote a blog post entitled "A Tradition of, Um, Something" in which he took the city's sports teams to task for, well, sucking. He took shots at the Leafs (of course), the Toronto Rock, some OHL teams no one gives a damn about, the Raptors, Marlies, Blue Jays, and Toronto FC. Basically, anything and everything MLSE related. It's just Cox being Cox, you know, in his tradition of, um, bad sports writing.

The Going Gets Even Tougher

The NHL All-Star game is, mercifully, behind us. The unofficial second half of the season and the mission to sneak into the playoffs begins in earnest for the Toronto Maple Leafs tonight. The injuries, however, continue to mount.

It is with great sadness that I tell you that The Poni Express will not be reaching its destination - 27 goals - this season. Alex Ponikarovsky, my boy, is out six weeks with a seperated shoulder thanks to a douche bag named Steve Eminger, who popped him from behind into the boards last week. Eminger got a two minute minor on the play (justice!)

The injury is another tough loss for the Leafs. Poni, with 13 goals on the season, was going to need a miracle to reach 27, but he will most certainly be missed. His 13 goals were third-best on the team, after all. I've still got crazy man-love for Poni - The Poni Express reached its destination two years in a row prior to this season - and wish him a speedy recovery.

The shoulder separation is the injury du jour for the MLSE Injury Plague these days. One night after Poni went down, both Alex Steen and call up Darryl Boyce, playing in his first NHL game, suffered separated shoulders. Steen, who was playing his best hockey since being put on the top line with Mats Sundin, will be out a minimum of two weeks, while Boyce is out indefinitely. The plague strikes again. It shows no mercy.

The good news going into tonight's matchup with the St. Louis Blues? Defenceman Carlo Colaiacovo returns to the lineup, which means Andy Wozniewski will go to the press box (hurrah!). The bad news? It's only a matter of time - and a short one at that - until Colaiacovo is injured once more. He is cursed. I'll put the over/under at seven games. What do you think?

I'm also hoping that the all the injuries up front (Boyce, Steen, Poni, Bell) means Wade Belak will get back in the lineup. I kid you not. I actually want Belak in the lineup. In the two games before the all-star break, the Leafs were thrown around by the Capitals. Poni, Nik Antropov, and Ian White were all hit from behind by the Capitals, and Jason Blake was speared in the groin, and the Leafs did nothing about it. It was a sad display. Penalties were called on the hits from behind, but Toronto's pathetic power play was unable to respond.

This Leafs squad certainly lacks identity. Teams of years gone by were a lot closer knit, and the cohesiveness doesn't seem to be there this year. Guys are not sticking up for one another. Belak's the only one who won't watch idly when someone takes liberties with his teammates. You tell me, what makes more sense? Having Jiri Tlusty play five minutes on the fourth line, or having Wade Belak play those minutes, and scare the bejesus out of the opposition? Belak is the sherriff. He keeps people in check. I have a strong feeling he'll be in the lineup tonight, as Tlusty has been promoted to the top line.

The injury woes should also get Kyle Wellwood back in the Leafs lineup. He watched from the press box, again, last week, while John Pohl got some game action. Wellwood's demise has been difficult to swallow. I was bitching and moaning to a friend last week about where it all went so wrong with Kyle. Wellwood put up similar numbers in both the OHL and the AHL as Jason freakin' Spezza. They were even traded for each other in junior. Spezza is now a superstar, and Welly is in the press box? I blame the Leafs. Not just for Wellwood. For many things.

I've also got a bone to pick with one Damien Cox. He wrote a blog post last week shitting all over Darcy Tucker and the contract he signed last year.

Here's Cox: "Instead, Tucker has become almost a total non-factor, has six goals in 43 games and seems most intent on making sure people blame all these injuries he's supposed to have rather than him."

I don't know about you, but I have not once heard Tucker blame his struggles on any injury, so how is he "making sure" people blame his injuries on his lack of production? Tucker has rarely spoken to the media this season, and it has been just about everyone else saying that Tucker is playing with a bunch of injuries, including a busted knee.

It's not surprising. Cox loves to kick dirt on a player when he's down, and if said player is a Maple Leaf, even better. Cox is sick.

I leave you with a couple of videos. If you haven't seen puppetmaster Peddie mouthing Cliff Fletcher's intoduction speech at the presser last week, well, enjoy yourself. It's a doozy. Tune in at 4:55 of the clip and watch Peddie's lips as Fletcher speaks. Peddie is ridiculous. A douche bag, and an idiot.

The last video is courtesy of a friend who is spending a year teaching science to grade seven, eight, and nine students at Doha Academy in Qatar, out in the middle East. Check it out:

We can rest assured knowing they're not breeding terrorists out there at Doha Academy in Qatar. Instead, my buddy Dean is breeding Toronto Maple Leafs fans.

Pick your poison...

Paul Maurice Needs A Hug

In the wake of another blown two-goal lead and another heartbreaking defeat, Toronto Maple Leafs head coach Paul Maurice got emotional. His job is not an easy one. He is a man in desperate need of a hug.

When asked about the effort of his team in a 3-2 loss to the San Jose Sharks, Maurice immediately choked up. The Leafs were, after all, a team that the media were reporting had quit on their head coach, but Maurice stood tall in praise of the men he commands.

"See, a big chunk of our problem is not lack of effort. It's wanting it so bad you're paralyzed by it," Maurice said.

Being paralyzed, especially in the defensive zone, and if your name is Andrew Raycroft, is certainly part of the Leafs' modus operandi, but I will agree that the Leafs played with much more determination, grit and heart in losing to the Sharks. As Damien Cox writes, the result was the same but there was actually some pride out there on the ice last night.

Now, I've watched many a post-game media scrum in my time as a Leafs fan, but never one quite like yesterday's. When asked whether the team's effort showed that the Leafs had in fact not quit on their coach, Maurice fought back tears, and I mean he really fought back tears. Losing 11 of the last 13 games has taken its toll on the coach, and it all came out last night. While the ship has slowly but surely been sinking, Maurice made it known that he was proud of each and every one of his men. His display showed me that he doesn't, not for even a split second, believe in his heart that the boys have quit on him.

Maurice's Hillary Clinton-esque moment also showed me how much of a competitor he is, how troubled he is by the Leafs' struggles, and how much he truly wants to win. Those bags under his eyes are real, and the plight of the Leafs is weighing heavily on his shoulders. While people all over this town, myself included, call for his dismissal, Maurice is at the end of the day just another working man, with a mortgage to pay and a family to feed. While his job of course pays more handsomely than most, it comes with the same amount of job security as losses this season for the New England Patriots: none. He could be unemployed by the time you read this, who knows? And that can't be a good feeling, especially when he is currently working what he calls "the job of his dreams."

As for the game, the Leafs blew a two-goal lead for the sixth time this season, this time a 2-0 margin in the third period. Toskala got the start in goal with Raycroft serving as his backup and Justin Pogge watching from the press box. Toskala, facing his former team, was brilliant. He did everything he could to try and get the Leafs a win, but it wasn't to be. My heart goes out to Vesa, who I know really wanted to win last night's tilt. He's been phenomenal for the Leafs this season. Along with Sundin, they have been about the only things that have gone right in a season gone so horribly wrong.

Going into the third period up 2-0, and down a man thanks to a Boyd Devereaux penalty, a Leafs collapse almost seemed inevitable, especially if San Jose was able to convert on their early power play. Convert they did, when Hal Gill was unable to clear the puck out of the Toronto zone. Gill then exacerbated the situation by inexplicably trying to play goal in front of Toskala. Patrick Marleau's point-shot went off Gill's stick, through Toskala's pads, and in. Cue the opening of the flood gates. The Sharks were then all over Toronto like Roger Clemens on a steroids syringe and the Leafs proceeded to take another couple of bonehead penalties (read: Jiri Tlusty is an idiot). With nine minutes left in the third period Toronto was suddenly down 3-2 and, like Vic Rauter always says, "you can make the final."

In the completely useless department, Dominic Moore made his Leafs debut last night and, well, debut is about all he did. He isn't going to be making much of an impact around here.

Ron MacLean, Don Cherry's whipping boy, pointed out that amidst all the turmoil and rumours surrounding the Leafs, it was fitting that they were finishing their hellish California road trip in the "Shark Tank." I couldn't agree more. It was a straight-up shark attack in the third period and the Leafs head home no longer an extremely fragile squad, but a broken one.

An interesting segment from last night's CBC broadcast was an interview with Scotty Bowman, who divulged that in August he did interview for a position with Toronto, even though he's denied it for months. Bowman said he had interviews and meetings with Larry Tanenbaum, Richard Peddie, and other members of the MLSE board, and that he was looking for a Bryan Colangelo type-deal with the Maple Leafs, at about the same price tag as the Raptors president and general manager ($3 million a year). Bowman wanted full control of all hockey operations. His track record, 10 freakin' Stanley Cups, speaks for itself.

So why the hell is John Ferguson still the general manager of our beloved hockey team? Because The Leafs passed, choosing instead to stick with JFJ and co. The Toronto Maple Leafs had a chance at Scotty Bowman, one of the greatest and most successful hockey minds of all-time, and they passed. Pardon my language, but that is un-fucking-believable. And deeply disappointing. Who knows when, or whether, the chance to bring in someone of the ilk of Bowman will come again. With decisions like these being made up at the top, it's no wonder the Leafs find themselves in the predicament they are in today - 16 wins, the fewest in the NHL, and 40 points, four away from being the worst team in the league. And lets not forget - nary a Stanley Cup sighting 'round these parts since 1967.

The Leafs, however, must soldier on. The team is off until Tuesday, and who knows if Ferguson and/or Maurice will still be with the team by then. If Maurice is let go, and I doubt he will be before Ferguson, he leaves not as a coach but as a fighter. I'll never forget the way he stood up for his team. He is a man of great integrity. I've said a lot of bad things about him in the past few months, but he gained a ton of my respect last night. It is when a man struggles that you learn the most about him.

The countdown until the axe falls continues. Will today be the day? We'll soon find out. It could very well be Sunday bloody Sunday. All in all, Paul Maurice isn't the only one that needs a hug. I think I do, too.

Tough times...

The Lunacy Continues

Thursday night's embarresment in Los Angeles made for one helluva interesting Friday in Leafs Nation. Roster moves and rampant speculation were the order of the day. I have to admit that it sure is entertaining following the train wreck known as the Toronto Maple Leafs. Good times, indeed.

Friday began with The Toronto Star's Damien Cox reporting that John Ferguson was frantically pressing the Staples Easy Button. In a move that only signals sheer panic and desperation, blue-chip goaltending prospect Justin Pogge has been recalled by the parent club and will be in the lineup Saturday night. The future, it seems, is now.

At around 1:00 pm yesterday afternoon I learned that the Leafs dipped into the waiver pool and acquired Dominic Moore from the Minnesota Wild. Moore has one goal and two assists in 30 games with Minnesota this year.

Well, whoop. Dee. Doo. Problems solved! Throwing a rookie goalie, who is to be the future of the franchise, into the fire, and picking up a discarded forward famous for attending Harvard and being the brother of the guy who got his ass kicked by Todd Bertuzzi.

Pardon me while I uncork the freakin' bottle of Bambino champagne (only $12.15 a bottle at your local LCBO).

At 3:00 pm news hit the wire that the Eastern Conference All-Star reserves had been announced. Tomas Kaberle was going to Atlanta for his third all-star go-round but, astonishingly, Mats Sundin wasn't.

The rest of the day was all about coach Paul Maurice and general manager John Ferguson. My man David Shoalts at The Globe wrote a beauty of a piece saying that it's all but over for Ferguson. He's not going to finish the season as the GM of the Leafs, and could be out of a job by Monday. While Ferguson has not asked management's permission to fire Maurice, Shoalts says it ain't going to happen anyway, even if Ferguson did ask, because Ferguson's tenure in Toronto is down to its last few days. Maurice's fate looks like it will be decided by the next general manager of this pathetic team, but with a couple more efforts like the ones in Orange Country and Los Angeles, I wouldn't be surprised if the Leafs don't have a coach or general manager come next week. They can't play much worse without 'em.

I've got to give Ferguson some props though (maybe his last props?). While he's watched the team he built get flushed down the toilet, he's stayed 100% loyal to his coach. Kind of makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, doesn't it?

I can't remember the days when the Leafs took so much flack in the papers, on the internet and on the radio. I'm even hearing parallels to the Harold Ballard era, when the Leafs were one of the league's perennial doormats.

I've got a feeling that Damien Cox has got an extra spring in his step these days, and a perma-grin to boot. He must be enjoying the Leafs' free-fall thoroughly. Like Godd Till at CoxBloc pointed out, this is a man who actually titled a column he wrote: "Not So Cocky Now, Eh Boys?" Cox gets a stiffy when the Leafs suck this good.

I can't blame the media for most of the negative coverage, though. The Leafs are a sad state of affairs. Dominic Moore? Give me a break. Give me a Kit Kat. The Leafs are a team full of guys like Dominic Moore. He's nothing more than a fourth-line player, another Bates Battaglia, or Kris Newbury. Ferguson said Moore will be in the lineup Saturday night to provide "energy." My question is, why not summon Newbury, or Jeremy Williams, or Robbie Earl, from the AHL-best Toronto Marlies? It boggles the mind.

And the promotion of Justin Pogge to the Leafs is my worst nightmare. The Leafs simply couldn't afford to mess with this kid's development, and they may now going to throw him into the pressure cooker head first, while everyone's ass is on the line. Oh yeah, I really like this idea. Pogge was having a solid season in the AHL and while he may be hungry to get some NHL action, keeping him in the minors for the full season would have made him even hungrier.

When will these douchebags ever learn? I blame Ferguson, Maurice and Andrew Raycroft for this pathetic last stand in Justin Pogge. First of all, I blame Andrew Raycroft for being such a pathetic excuse for a goalie. I think the summonage of Pogge may finally mean that Raycroft is done with the Leafs (read: the silver lining). He cannot play in this city any longer. He doesn't have, and I'm reaching back to my WWF days for this one, the testicular fortitude to get the job done. And testicular fortitude is quite essential to tend the twine in this town. Quite.

Raycroft's incompetence set off a chain of events Thursday night that led to Pogge being called up to the show. Vesa Toskala was forced into action after Raycrap's brutal first period, in which he let in four goals on 11 shots (a typical Raycrap night). Toskala apparently reinjured his groin while he mopped up Raycroft's mess. Instead of playing goalie carousel with Scott Clemmensen (who was ironically sent back to the Marlies on Thursday afternoon), the Leafs chose to phone Pogge, for reasons I will never understand. Like I said, It stinks of a general manager and coach trying to save their bottoms, and is the worst possible scenario for Pogge to join the Leafs, with rumours of a team having quit on their coach flying around the dressing room and following the team like a virus.

Now I've read, and I think it was Shoalts, that Toskala has announced himself fit and ready to go tonight in San Jose, so I don't know who's getting the start and whether Vesa is really injured again. If it is Toskala between the pipes against his former team, look for Pogge on the bench and Raycroft...well, who cares where that douche is, as long as he's not with the team.

If Toskala in fact has been reinjured, I'm going to be mighty peeved at Maurice. He had absolutely no business putting Toskala into a game in which the team was down four-to-nothing after 20 minutes and showing no competitive spirit whatsoever. Vesa had just returned to action for the first time in three weeks the night beofre, for Christ's sake. It was a move akin to playing with fire, and it simply shouldn't have been done.

But, most importantly, Maurice wouldn't have even needed to think about sending in Vesa had Raycroft not shit the bed entirely. I read a comment on TSN's website after the LA Kings debacle that read:

"If Andrew Raycroft were a horse................we'd have to shoot him."

I couldn't agree more, and believe me, I've tried. It's time to put Raycroft, that mother sucker, down, and bury the memories of him far, far, really far, away.

As for Sundin, I think his All-Star snub is a good thing. Mats has been to a boatload of the games over his career and, well, shit, it's the All-Star game, so who really cares? Mats' odometer has put on some serious miles over the years and a weekend off can't hurt the man. It will give him some time to contemplate his future, and hopefully decide on a team he would like to be traded to at the deadline. Here's one for you: Sundin to the San Jose Sharks for Patrick Marleau and a draft pick or two. What do you think? Marleau's been brutal this season, but I'd take a chance on him in a heartbeat. And Sundin would give the Sharks the secondary scoring Marleau was supposed to provide. Imagine a one-two punch at centre of Joe Thornton and Mats Sundin. Very excite!

It should be one doozy of a game tonight in the Shark Tank, especially if Justin Pogge gets the nod in goal. A little baptism by fire, please! And if the Leafs get their behind's handed to them on a platter once more, Sunday will be memorable as well, I'm sure.

Welcome to the life of a die-hard Toronto Maple Leafs fan. The lunacy continues, and Toronto is burning...

Rock Bottom

When Andrew Raycroft is in goal, anything is possible. Even a 5-2 spanking of the Toronto Maple Leafs by the worst team in the National Hockey League, the Los Angeles Kings. If this isn't rock bottom, I'm not sure what is.

The Leafs, coming off a pathetic performance against the Anaheim Ducks, were just as bad, if not worse, last night. Their lack of resolve, fire, and competitiveness was humiliating. It was tough to be a Maple Leafs fan in that first period, when the Kings jumped out to a four-nothing lead.

Let's take a second to contemplate just how bad the LA Kings are. Going into last night's game the Kings were last in the NHL with 32 points, on 15 wins and two overtime losses. Their 15 losses on home ice is tops in the league. In other words, visiting teams love playing at the Staples Center. It's usually a cakewalk.

It certainly was last night. But for the Kings. By the time the first period was over the Leafs had been out-shot 11 to six and they were down 4-0. Jam done. Raycroft was, well, Raycroft (read: garbage). His rebound control was once again deplorable and the third goal by Frolov went right through him like the goaltending sieve he is. Raycroft was on the bench, where he belongs, to start the second period. While the team once again did not show up and clear any rebounds for him, Raycroft had to have been better last night. He needed to be at least half-decent, just so Vesa Toskala could rest his tender groin for Saturday night. But Raycroft couldn't even give Toskala one night off. This guy is so bad he doesn't even belong in the minors.

In another classic example of Maple Leafs incompetence, the Leafs yesterday afternoon returned goaltender Scott Clemmensen to the Toronto Marlies of the AHL. They sent down the wrong guy. Idiots. After last night's performance, I truly hope Raycroft's career with the Toronto Maple Leafs is over. I can't take it anymore. The Leafs know he's a useless sack of shit, too. As Toronto Star sports columnist extraordinaire Damien Cox reported on Tuesday, the Leafs brain trust (not sure how much brain is involved, clearly not much) seriously contemplated giving Justin Pogge, the future, the start in goal last Saturday against the Philadelphia Flyers.

It looks like the boys in the dressing room have become resigned to their fate, and are waiting for the axe to fall. Either on their coach, Paul Maurice, who it could be argued has lost this team, or a player. How else can you explain these poor performances? They are not showing up to play for Mo, or themselves, and are waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop.

If you take a look at the box score from last night's game you'll see that the Leafs actually out-shot LA 50-to-24. Los Angeles managed only 13 shots after the first period, and once Toskala was in the crease for Toronto to start the second period, the Leafs took to it to the Kings and outscored them two-to-one the rest of the contest. But, of course, it didn't matter. The game was decided in the first period. Thanks a bunch, Raycrap.

Richard Peddie, Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment president, is actually on this California road trip with Toronto, so he's had a front row seat to watch this freak show. Peddie is the moron who publicly said it was a mistake to hire John Ferguson Jr. Tell me something I don't know, douchebag. And fire someone, already! Preferably yourself.

It's onward to San Jose for a date with the Sharks on Saturday. Another beating, of that I have no doubt. Astonishingly, the Leafs are still only five points out of the 8th and final playoff spot in the Eastern Conference, and that's not a good thing. Ferguson is going to be looking to save his ass in the next couple of weeks and if history is any indication, he'll swing a deal in order for the Leafs to make a run at the final playoff spot, when all Toronto should be worrying about these days is the 2008 NHL Entry Draft. Like PPP at Pension Plan Puppets says, it's all about being the worst right now.

These are trying times for everyone, especially captain Mats Sundin. He fired 11 shots at the LA goal last night and is looking weary and tired from all the losing. It's like a disease, and it's spreading fast. Sundin needs to get out of Toronto. He doesn't deserve this. Not after his many years of faithful service. This is not the way his extraordinary Leafs career should be coming to a close. It hurts. The dream of Sundin winning the Stanley Cup in a Leafs uniform - a dream I have held so close to my heart for so many years - is dying a most painful death...

Penguins Layeth The Smacketh Downeth

I'm always bitching and moaning about the lack of accountability on the Toronto Maple Leafs hockey club. Well, Paul Maurice and company ushered in 2008 with some changes, so I've got to show the team some respect. There's only one problem - the Leafs still stink.

Another spanking went into the books last night at the hands of the Pittsburgh Penguins. A 6-2 final, including three goals by the Pens in 48 seconds early in the third period. Three goals in 48 seconds. I can't even make myself a drink in 48 seconds. OK, well, maybe if I try really hard.

As for those changes I mentioned. Andrew Raycroft has been sent to the bench, hopefully with some super glue so he can never play for the Leafs again, and Kyle Wellwood has been banished to the press box as a healthy scratch.

Raycrap can rot in goaltending hell but it's tough times for Welly. He was supposed to be the Leafs' second-line centre this season and was expected to put up 65 points. But it's clear to anyone who's been watching him play that he just isn't the same since his groin and abdominal injuries. I gotta say that Wellwood is one strange cat. He supposedly doesn't own a television and while being interviewed on Tuesday morning about his upcoming night off he was pretty upbeat, and was even wearing a smile. Umm, Kyle, you're supposed to be disappointed. At least show me you're freaking disappointed. I think the whole camera and television thing just tripped him out. At least I hope that was the case. Otherwise he's a douche.

The lineup changes worked on January 1st, although Toronto's opponent were the Tampa Bay Lightning, who are even more pathetic than my Leafs. Haha, losers! Scott Clemmensen, who broke my heart last year, was between the pipes and the Leafs actually won a game via the dreaded shootout. Seriously, I kid you not. A shootout against Vincent Lecavalier, Brad Richards and Martin St. Louis. That's the NHL's leading scorer (Lecavalier), a former Conn Smythe Trophy winner (Richards), and a former scoring champion (St. Louis). Typical Toronto Maple Leafs. It proves that anyone, including Clemmensen, is better than Raycroft the goaltending sieve.

Wellwood was in the press box again last night and Clemmensen got his second straight start in goal, but it didn't matter. The Leafs hung Clemmensen out to dry like he was, well, Raycroft, and I'm guessing Wellwood will be back in the lineup on Saturday night after another anemic offensive performance by the boys in blue and white.

The good news? Isn't much, other than the amazing fact that Jason Blake scored for the first time on the road this freaking season last night at the Igloo. Only took half the year. Atta boy, Blake!

Here's what I'm upset about, and I'll keep it short and simple: Paul Maurice should have called a timeout when Pittsburgh made it 4-1, with two goals in 37 seconds. Instead, play continued and the Penguins bagged another one 11 seconds later. Then Maurice used his timeout, but by then it was already sweet dreams Toronto. Way to coach back there, Mo.

And for the love of Christ, Jiri Tlusty needs to be sent back down to the minors. The rookie played less than five minutes last night. There's no point for him to be playing on the fourth line with a playmaker like Wade Belak when he can be playing 20 minutes a game on the best team in the American Hockey League, the Toronto Marlies. Tlusty is only 19 and the Leafs can't afford to mess with this kid's development, yet they already are. The mismanagement up in here is unreal.

I'm starting to feel a bit Damien Cox-ish about the rest of this Leafs season. By that I mean negative as a mother sucker. The Leafs completed game 41 out of 82 last night, and have only 16 wins to their name. That's not good. Not good at all. The Leafs were handily beaten by a better team - a playoff team - in the Penguins last night. And while we're add it, lets add Ty Conklin's name to the list of goalies to beat the Leafs this season. Brutal.

I have kept believing the Leafs would turn it around - flick the proverbial switch - but since Toronto lost Vesa Toskala to injury, things have gotten seriously bleak 'round these parts. Toronto has dropped four of their last five contests, and seven of nine. The Leafs are the 26th-best-team (got to stay a little positive) in a 30-team-league. It's painful. I'm not too sure how much longer things will be allowed to continue this way, but I've got to believe that one of Maurice or JFJ are going to be picking up the classifieds in The Hockey News in the not-so-distant future.

The only man that can save this Leafs team, and a season that is quickly slipping away, is goaltender Toskala.

Fire the flare. I'm sending out an S.O.S.

There's just one more thing - Mark Bell, please stop fighting. Watching you get knocked out every time is embarrassing.

It's The Goaltending, Stupid!

The Toronto Maple Leafs were a naughty bunch this past year. Santa Claus said so. Thanks to an injury to starting goalie Vesa Toskala, Mr. Claus came down the chimney bearing the worst gift of all - Andrew Raycroft.

Ah, the holiday season. A time of giving, reflection and, in my case, a whole lot of alcohol. And I'm not talking about eggnog. I prefer the hard stuff. Watching Raycroft tend goal makes one reach for the hard stuff. OK, the really hard stuff.

Raycroft's been dusted off the bench, where I almost forgot about his sorry ass, and thrust back into the spotlight since Boxing Day when it was announced that Vesa Toskala is suffering from a good old groin strain. You know, the "day-to-day" groin strain that turns into a month-long stint on the injured reserve. As if losing Bryan McCabe wasn't enough, the MLSE injury plague has now claimed the Leafs' best and most valuable player and, painfully, brought Raycroft off the bench.

It's been three games, and a whole lot of alcoholic beverages, since Raycrap's been back between the pipes and the Leafs have, surprise-surprise, zero wins to show since #1's triumphant return. In typical Raycroft-ian fashion, he has been god-awful. His rebound control is abysmal, he's let in a couple of soft wraparounds and, of course, the standard twine-bulger's high glove side. Nothing has changed. I thought Raycroft was bad last year, but his statistics have actually gotten worse! In 13 games this season he sports a trashy 3.85 goals against average and a raunchy .876 save percentage. That dirty save percentage is one of the worst in the league, and it doesn't show up in a list of the top 41 save percentage's in the entire National Hockey League. To put it in perspective, Tampa Bay Lightning goalie Johan Holmqvist is ranked last in the league, 41st, with a .886 save percentage - a full percentage point better than Raycrap's. Of goalies that have played at least 10 games this season only Tampa Bay's Marc Denis has a save percentage worse than Raycroft - .859 - and Denis was sent down to the minors two days ago.

Raycroft was beaten for four goals by the New York Islanders, four goals by the Philadelphia Flyers and five goals by the New York Rangers. He let in his customary weak goal in all three games and simply does not give the Leafs a chance to win.

I can go on and on for days when it comes to Raycroft and his deficiencies. He gets beat high glove side way too often, he lets pucks come into his crease without making an attempt to deflect them away, he plays too deep in his net, and his reflexes are too damn slow. You'd think that while sitting on the bench for almost a month he'd take some pointers and watch how aggressive Toskala is in the crease. It's all about the angles, and Toskala, although much smaller than Raycroft, is always at the top of his crease not giving the opposition much to shoot at.

It is clear after watching the last three games that the Leafs are a completely different team with Toskala in goal. The boys have lost all confidence in Raycroft. Saturday night instead of watching the New England Patriots complete their perfect season, I chose to watch the opposite of perfection - Raycroft and the Leafs. I knew the Leafs didn't have a prayer in the contest against the New York Rangers, especially after the bogus opening goal Raycroft allowed, but I watched the game in its entirety and saw a team that was deflated by shoddy goaltending and, eventually, a team that left their goalie out to dry. Toronto took penalty after penalty and surrendered five power play goals to the low-scoring Rangers. With Raycroft in net, everything suffers, especially the penalty kill.

Goaltending is all about confidence and the Leafs, as a team, don't have confidence in Raycroft. He doesn't exactly instill it in the squad. You can see it in the body language and in the way the team plays. It's disturbing to watch. The Leafs, to a man, aren't stupid. They know that with Raycroft in net the odds are immediately stacked against them before the game has even started. While riding a hot Vesa Toskala, on top of his game since early December, the Leafs actually looked like a decent hockey team that knew how to play defence, and a team that was turning their season around. Not anymore. With Raycroft back in net, this team is back to looking dazed and confused.

I hate Andrew Raycroft. Can you tell? What bothers me more than his pathetic goaltending is management's and the coaching staff's refusal to get rid of him. Raycroft is goaltending garbage. Accept it. The Leafs made a bad trade in acquiring this guy and signing him to a multi-year contract. They know it, I know it, the entire league knows it. It's time to accept that Raycroft hasn't worked out and that he is not an NHL-calibre goalie, and move on. I'm sick and tired of hearing John Ferguson and Paul Maurice tell the media that the Leafs have the utmost confidence in Raycroft between the pipes. It's complete bullshit. They took a chance on acquiring him for a number one draft pick, it didn't work out, and it's time for everyone to move on with their lives. Stop the god damn insanity.

Any minuscule trade value that did exist for Raycroft before Christmas has certainly been thrown out the window. The Leafs couldn't get a 6-pack of Busch Light for Raycroft and his $2 million-dollar salary right now and that's saying a lot because, well, it's Busch Light. It's time to place Raycroft on waivers, and then demote him to the Toronto Marlies once no one claims him. Please. It's over. Let's not make this any more difficult than it has to be. Scott Clemmensen should get the start in goal January 1. It's a new year, and time for a new beginning.

A part of me feels bad for Raycroft (a very small part) because I know that he knows his career in Toronto, and even the NHL, is hanging by a thread. Toskala's injury was his chance to show the rest of the league that he could still play and have a team possibly trade for him. Now that dream, it seems, is dead. Once again, Raycroft was not able to take advantage of another opportunity handed to him on a silver platter. What a useless bum. He can't even help himself.

The Leafs head into 2008 in 13th place in the Eastern Conference, with 38 points in their first 39 games. The Buffalo Sabres, New York Islanders, Florida Panthers and Atlanta Thrashers all sit ahead of the Leafs in the standings today. Another statistic that calls for a drink, even some eggnog if that's all you've got. After Saturday's debacle, Damien Cox was on cloud nine and ripping the Leafs yet again. In Cox's opinion, every team not named the Ottawa Senators and Detroit Red Wings should tank the season right now because the Stanley Cup is handed out in January, and an 82 game season is decided after 40 games. What a smart guy, that Damien Cox.

There's still time to fix the mess known as the Toronto Maple Leafs. They are better than the Panthers, Islanders, Sabres and Thrashers. I truly believe that. The offence has dried up - the Poni Express is stalled at 11 goals - and the hopes of this team lye squarely on the shoulders of Vesa Toskala. I miss you, Vesa. Get well soon.

There is some good news amidst the wreckage. Carlo Colaiacovo is back! His return in Philadelphia on the 28th saw Andy Wozniewski finally make a visit to the press box. But in typical Leafs fashion, the Wizard of Woz was back on the ice Saturday night against the Rangers, and taking the bonehead penalties for which he has become all too familiar for. I wonder if he and Raycroft room together on the road? They should. They deserve to be united in their pathetic-ness.

More good news - Darcy Tucker, yesterday in practice, nailed Raycroft with a shot off the shoulder that left the goalie writhing in pain on the ice. Accident? I choose not to think so. It's about the only good thing Tucker has done all year, and makes up for the fact that he has scored only four goals in 31 games . Keep up the good work, Darcy.

Happy holidays to everyone out there, especially you. Thanks for stopping by in 2007. I appreciate it. Another year is in the books, and another one is on the way. Here's hoping 2008 is better to the great city of Toronto and its sports teams that I love so deeply.

Cheers, and Happy New Year.