You know the memo about that whole "global financial crisis" thing? The New York Yankees didn't get it. Their fax machine is broken, and they haven't checked their email in forever.
To the surprise of absolutely no one, everyone's favourite former Toronto Blue Jay A.J. Burnett is Bronx bound. Five years, $82.5 million. As David Putty would say: "yeah that's right."
In three days, the Yankees have shelled out $243.5 million dollars for Burnett and Fat. Fat. Sabathia.
That's a quarter of a billion dollars. That's fucked up. But business as usual in New York, I guess.
I ain't mad at A.J. It was probably best that we go our separate ways, and I said goodbye a long time ago. And let's not kid ourselves, he ain't no fool. You and I both know we have taken that deal as well. A.J. had to follow the money, and I'm happy for him. The Burnett clan will be taken care of for many a generation.
It's the Yankees who are foolish. It's the Yankees who deserve to be punished by the baseball Gods for offering an injury plagued soon-to-be 32-year-old a five-year deal.
It's nothing personal, and I wish A.J. all the luck in the world, but I want him to be an even bigger bust than Carl Pavano was in pinstripes. I want Burnett to struggle. Badly. I want the bright lights of New York to mess with him. I want A.J. to hit that disabled list, and hit it early and often.
As I watch the Yankees spend crazy ducats while the Jays shop at the free agency thrift store (see Clement, Matt) and shed payroll, I'm reminded why I hate New York, the entire Steinbrenner family (yes, even the grandchildren), and everything the Yankees stand for.
I don't know about you, but I'm looking forward to Roy Halladay vs. A.J. Burnett, Blue Jays vs. Yankees, at the Rogers Centre next summer. I'm definitely going to be there. And I'll probably be booing. Here's hoping Doc teaches A.J. a lesson or two, or ten.
I think Stoeten of Drunk Jays Fans stardom said it best about our friends down in the Big Apple, and pardon the language:
"Honestly...Yankees, Yankee fans, friends and relatives of Yankees fans, please, for the love of fucking Christ, go fuck the fucking fuck out of your fucking selves."
Amen, Stoeten, you crazy mother sucker. Can't anybody put it any better than that.
See you on the other side, Allan James.
