September 07, 2007

Awful Orioles

My momma always said life was like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get.

Ok, she didn't, but as a youth, she did always tell me that no matter how bad things got, they could always be worse. My parents' message was simple - don't take anything for granted, because there is always someone out there less fortunate than you.

Oh, those parents. How right they can be sometimes.

Every morning I wake up and, whether it's sunny or raining outside, I look out my window, and I thank God...

For not making me a Baltimore Orioles fan. The Orioles are one fudged up organization. They make the Toronto Blue Jays seem like, well, the New York Yankees.

The O's have dropped 14 of their last 16 contests, and 10 in a row at home. As a colleague of mine, who unfortunately happens to be an Orioles fan (pray for him, please), put it - the Orioles have checked out.

First there was the 30-3 pounding they took from the Texas Rangers. The box score of the game is almost as long as half a Harry Potter novel; the top of the 8th inning is an excruciatingly long chapter. The Rangers finished that game with 29 hits. That's almost as shocking as the 30 runs.

Last Saturday B-more was no-hit by Boston Red Sox rookie Clay Buchholz. The final score in that game was 10-0.

But what really made my heart ache for the Orioles and their fans was their 17-2 loss to the Tampa Bay Devil Rays on Wednesday night. Losing to the D-Rays is bad enough, but by a score of 17-2? Oh Mylanta.

Somehow, the Orioles are not in last place in the American League East division. Not yet, at least. They've got the pathetic Devil Rays to thank for that. Their season, however, has been another one to forget. I'm not really sure I can remember the last time the Orioles have been any good at all. The Blue Jays have finished in third place in the AL East for the last God knows how many years, so that means the Orioles have always finished behind them, and that's just sad.

The Jays aren't going to the playoffs, unless Santa Claus gets his chubby buttocks down my chimney and delivers the miracle himself. It's truly disappointing, it really is, but the parental unit, in all their wisdom, were right - it could be worse: I could be an Orioles fan.

It hurts just thinking about it.