June 24, 2008

Kobe, Tell Me How My Ass Tastes

You've got to love Shaquille O'Neal. The Big Aristotle has always been quite the character and it turns out he was rather pleased with the result of the NBA Finals. Shaq was on the mic at a club in New York and, much to my delight, took some shots at his old Lakers pal Kobe Bryant in one god-awful freestyle. Check it out:

Worst. Freestyle. Ever.

Shaq's famous for a lot of reasons. He's a great basketball player. OK, he was a great basketball player. Clearly, father time has caught up to him. He's also famous for being one of the worst actors, ever (Kazaam, anyone?). Shaq is also famous for being one of the worst rappers, ever. And now, to add to his stellar collection, the title of worst freestyler, ever.

As horrendous as that freestyle was, I still found it utterly enjoyable. It's always easy to enjoy something that is so freakishly terrible, and it's always fun to see Shaq take shots at Kobe. Hell, their feud from a couple of years ago even has it's own Wikipedia entry. I guess all is not forgiven and forgotten. I'm sure Kobe Bryant is still stinging from losing the NBA championship to the Boston Celtics, and Shaq's exploits on the mic aren't going to make him feel any better. It just goes to show: everyone hates Kobe.

Other than the golden "Kobe, tell me how my ass tastes" line, my favourite bit from that garbage would have to be:

"He said Shaq gave a bitch a mil,
I don't do that, cuz my name Shaquille.
I love em, I don't leave em,
I got a vasectomy, now I can't breed 'em!"

Shaq will never, ever, ever, be confused with a lyrical genius, but well done, Diesel, well done.


Anonymous said...

Albeit slightly humorous, this cost Shaq his deputy sheriff position in Tempe.