November 26, 2009

The Prime Minister of Defence. (And Some Raptors & Leafs Shit.)

Welcome back, Johnny Mac.

At two-years and $3.5 million, the PMoD becomes baseball's most expensive pinch-runner, because Lord knows the Cito won't use him as he should: as a defensive substitution. (We need a Cito countdown.)

Now, I'm going to go on bit of a tangent here, but when I googled "John McDonald" yesterday, the first result returned was from Bleacher Report. What the fuck, Google? Is this the level you have stooped to? How much is Bleacher Report paying you? Bleacher Report? Bleacher fucking Report? Fuck Bleacher Report. Jesus.

(Full disclosure: I actually have a Bleacher Report account. It's the worst of my many humiliations. It was set up to feed all my blog posts to their site. Think TwitterFeed. Fuck off, don't ask me why I did it. I've asked, repeatedly, for the lovely guys who work there to delete my account, but they're being pricks. It might have something to do with the fact that whenever I write "Bleacher Report," it's preceded or followed by the words "fuck" or "fucking.")

Anyway, many Blue Jays supporters don't know what to make of the McDonald signing. Will Johnny Mac start at shortstop? Does Mac even matter, with Mike McCoy and his .405 Pacific Coast League OBP waiting in the wings?

Well, I'm here to tell you that Johnny Mac does matter, damn it, and that his signing is a bloody significant one. Because it might be the biggest one Alex Anthopoulos and the Blue Jays make this winter. And if that doesn't send a shiver down your spine, or have you reaching for the bottle of Redbreast, you're a more stronger-willed man than I.

Here's to building, folks. I mean: Building!!!1

Some Raptors and Leafs shit:
  • I'm not even going to begin to wonder how the fuck it's possible for the Toronto Raptors to lose 116-81 to the Charlotte Bobcats. Back-to-back? Fuck a back-to-back. I don't care if a team has played 12 nights in a row, there is no excuse for losing 116-81 to the Goddamn Bobcats.
  • On a happier note, does anyone yet own an Amir Johnson jersey? One of us really ought to. He's been an absolute fucking treat off the bench for Jay Triano.
  • The Toronto Maple Leafs won last night. Seriously. Ron Wilson's boys are playing .750 hockey in their past four games. You know that that means: it's only a matter of time before that 11 point gap between the Northeast Division leading Boston Bruins is down to eight. (Another Leafs win, and another overtime loss.) Playoffs!!!1

UPDATE: I'm dealing with a severe migraine. It's been made even worse thanks to the news that the Blue Jays have signed Alex Gonzalez. I know, not that Alex Gonzalez, but old wounds, man. They still hurt.

So long, Marco Scutaro. I'll always remember the good times: 2009, when you hit .282 out of the lead-off spot; when you walked 90 times, posting a .379 OBP; when you stole second base after taking a free pass. All while playing sublime defence. You won't soon be forgotten. If you end up in Boston, I'll hate you. Especially if you're playing behind Roy Halladay. (Excuse me while I throw up in my fucking mouth.) But your memory, Marco, will live on. In the form of two draft picks. So, thank you. And Godspeed.

Anyway, my sports columnist man crush Jeff Blair breaks it down in a way that, if you weren't drinking last night, you certainly will be tonight:

"[The McDonald and Gonzalez signings] is about managing a 25-man roster; about ensuring, frankly, that 4-1 losses do not become 8-1 losses and drain a young starting rotation and bullpen."

Something to look forward to. Right?

Blair isn't the only writer at The Globe who was on fire today. From Michael Grange, about last night's Raptors debacle:

"In fact I’m thinking of introducing a new term to the local basketball lexicon: When an opposing player pulls a rebound off the defensive glass and dribbles the length of the floor for an uncontested fast-break layup; having to neither think of passing or even changing direction, it should be called A Raptor. As of now Gerald Wallace leads the NBA in Raptors though I think it’s a safe bet that Rajon Rondo will challenge for the lead by the time the Celtics are finished with Toronto on Friday. Embarrassing."

Toronto: where "Embarrassing" happens.


Moneypuck said...

I move to create a Cito Hatred Advisory System.

Mattt said...

Toronto continues it's tradition af signing JMac and then signing a starting SS. K, now I'm confused over the JMac signing at that price especially cuz he will probably be used in the same way as he was last year. Huh?

kushnir said...

are u fucking kidding me!?!?! we just signed alex FREAKING gonzo to a deal worth 2.5? oh god i need a drink...

im bracing myself for a doc for 2 arms trade, and being a bottom feeder in the al east for the next 10 years...


The Ack said...

Bleacher Report had an article running down Halladay trade possibilities. From memory, a sampling:

To Cubs for a package centering around Jake fucking Fox and Randy Wells.

To Yanks for what was deemed a "blow away" package of Hughes and Melky fucking Cabrera.

To Angels, with Kendry Morales or Juan fucking Rivera as a centerpiece.


Space Weed said...

Sigh... Jonny Mac is awesome, why do we keep signing random Shortstops to start instead of him?

Hungry Leafs Fan said...

I agree with your Amir Johnson assessment. Great pick up by BC there. The vet (can I even say that?) is only 22! Unreal.

I have seen pictures of you in a Yankees cap. The Bleacher Report account is right below that in terms of embarassments.

Ian H. said...

AA did the right thing - best to cut ties with Scutaro, let some other team sign him to a rich multi-year deal and the Blue Jays can reap the rewards of the two first round draft picks (if the Jays can sign them).

The J-Mac signing combined with the A-Gonz signing is a good move, and AA is a pimp.

Junior said...

Hey eye, read about your upcoming visit to the ACC, pressbox-style. Keep your head up if you're anywhere near the buffet, some of those journos like to get their elbows involved if you know what I'm sayin'.

Good on you, mate - enjoy the experience and Go Leafs Go!!

TC said...

I've been scratching my head over this Gonzalez signing as well. The best part is MacDonald had better stats than him last year. I know Mac can't hit, I can live with that given his glove.

I was less than thrilled when I heard Anthopoulus was given the keys to the Jays. He better not screw the Halladay deal up. Either way we're in for a long season.