The Going Gets Even Tougher

The NHL All-Star game is, mercifully, behind us. The unofficial second half of the season and the mission to sneak into the playoffs begins in earnest for the Toronto Maple Leafs tonight. The injuries, however, continue to mount.

It is with great sadness that I tell you that The Poni Express will not be reaching its destination - 27 goals - this season. Alex Ponikarovsky, my boy, is out six weeks with a seperated shoulder thanks to a douche bag named Steve Eminger, who popped him from behind into the boards last week. Eminger got a two minute minor on the play (justice!)

The injury is another tough loss for the Leafs. Poni, with 13 goals on the season, was going to need a miracle to reach 27, but he will most certainly be missed. His 13 goals were third-best on the team, after all. I've still got crazy man-love for Poni - The Poni Express reached its destination two years in a row prior to this season - and wish him a speedy recovery.

The shoulder separation is the injury du jour for the MLSE Injury Plague these days. One night after Poni went down, both Alex Steen and call up Darryl Boyce, playing in his first NHL game, suffered separated shoulders. Steen, who was playing his best hockey since being put on the top line with Mats Sundin, will be out a minimum of two weeks, while Boyce is out indefinitely. The plague strikes again. It shows no mercy.

The good news going into tonight's matchup with the St. Louis Blues? Defenceman Carlo Colaiacovo returns to the lineup, which means Andy Wozniewski will go to the press box (hurrah!). The bad news? It's only a matter of time - and a short one at that - until Colaiacovo is injured once more. He is cursed. I'll put the over/under at seven games. What do you think?

I'm also hoping that the all the injuries up front (Boyce, Steen, Poni, Bell) means Wade Belak will get back in the lineup. I kid you not. I actually want Belak in the lineup. In the two games before the all-star break, the Leafs were thrown around by the Capitals. Poni, Nik Antropov, and Ian White were all hit from behind by the Capitals, and Jason Blake was speared in the groin, and the Leafs did nothing about it. It was a sad display. Penalties were called on the hits from behind, but Toronto's pathetic power play was unable to respond.

This Leafs squad certainly lacks identity. Teams of years gone by were a lot closer knit, and the cohesiveness doesn't seem to be there this year. Guys are not sticking up for one another. Belak's the only one who won't watch idly when someone takes liberties with his teammates. You tell me, what makes more sense? Having Jiri Tlusty play five minutes on the fourth line, or having Wade Belak play those minutes, and scare the bejesus out of the opposition? Belak is the sherriff. He keeps people in check. I have a strong feeling he'll be in the lineup tonight, as Tlusty has been promoted to the top line.

The injury woes should also get Kyle Wellwood back in the Leafs lineup. He watched from the press box, again, last week, while John Pohl got some game action. Wellwood's demise has been difficult to swallow. I was bitching and moaning to a friend last week about where it all went so wrong with Kyle. Wellwood put up similar numbers in both the OHL and the AHL as Jason freakin' Spezza. They were even traded for each other in junior. Spezza is now a superstar, and Welly is in the press box? I blame the Leafs. Not just for Wellwood. For many things.

I've also got a bone to pick with one Damien Cox. He wrote a blog post last week shitting all over Darcy Tucker and the contract he signed last year.

Here's Cox: "Instead, Tucker has become almost a total non-factor, has six goals in 43 games and seems most intent on making sure people blame all these injuries he's supposed to have rather than him."

I don't know about you, but I have not once heard Tucker blame his struggles on any injury, so how is he "making sure" people blame his injuries on his lack of production? Tucker has rarely spoken to the media this season, and it has been just about everyone else saying that Tucker is playing with a bunch of injuries, including a busted knee.

It's not surprising. Cox loves to kick dirt on a player when he's down, and if said player is a Maple Leaf, even better. Cox is sick.

I leave you with a couple of videos. If you haven't seen puppetmaster Peddie mouthing Cliff Fletcher's intoduction speech at the presser last week, well, enjoy yourself. It's a doozy. Tune in at 4:55 of the clip and watch Peddie's lips as Fletcher speaks. Peddie is ridiculous. A douche bag, and an idiot.

The last video is courtesy of a friend who is spending a year teaching science to grade seven, eight, and nine students at Doha Academy in Qatar, out in the middle East. Check it out:

We can rest assured knowing they're not breeding terrorists out there at Doha Academy in Qatar. Instead, my buddy Dean is breeding Toronto Maple Leafs fans.

Pick your poison...

John Ferguson Jr.: You're Fired!

It’s official. John Ferguson Jr. is general manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs no more. He got the axe this morning. I’ve got to argue that it was the slowest, yet most obvious, dismissal in the history of professional sports.

The writing, as the kids say, was on the wall. JFJ was a lame-duck manager, without a contract following this season and, with the well documented struggles of our heroes in the blue and white, it was only a matter of time before JFJ was shown the door. Not to mention the organization’s most-public search for a replacement while JFJ was still holding on to his job. Even my mother saw this one coming.

JFJ’s treatment by the Maple Leafs was distasteful, to say the least. They didn’t show JFJ much respect and just this morning MLSE president, and douchebag extraordinaire, Richard Peddie was quoted by the Canadian Press: “I have not fired John (Ferguson).”

Not yet, at least, would have been more fair. Jeez.

The Toronto Maple Leafs: the epitome of dysfunction.

Peddie’s press release to the media was the standard upper management bullshit. It said that JFJ was not going to be offered a new contract (shocker!), so it is in the best interests of the club, and JFJ, that the transition (to continued mediocrity?) begin immediately.

JFJ told TSN that he was not offered a position in another capacity with the club. Although the Leafs weren’t able to accomplish much in his almost five year tenure, JFJ can go out with his head held high. I doubt he’ll go out kicking-and-screaming, or with anything bad to say about the organization, because that’s just not how he rolls. No one would, however, blame him ‘round these parts if he left by throwing a few low-blows, especially below Peddie’s belt. He was treated pitifully, but JFJ was the definition of class and professionalism while he was jerked around by the tools upstairs.

So I offer JFJ my condolences on his new-found joblessness, and thank him for his time and effort here. As terrible of a job as he did around here, and his legacy will most-certainly be defined by the Tuukka Rask for Andrew Raycroft trade (oh dear), he tried. As much as I have hated the many moves he’s made over the years, right now I can’t hate on JFJ. He’s been treated horribly enough. Maybe in a few days, after I’ve thought about how he’s screwed us over the last few years, I’ll rip into him.

In typical Maple Leafs fashion, the team has started up the good old time machine for a solution to their woes. In the blast-from-the-past department, Cliff Fletcher, a hockey dinosaur who was paid to stay the hell away from the Phoenix Coyotes organization, is the new interim general manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs.

Cliff Fletcher. The man who delivered us Doug Gilmour and Mats Sundin, but also the man who cost us a chance at Roberto Luongo. You have mixed feelings about him? Yeah, me too.

I doubt he’ll be the general manager next season, but since every instinct I have is wrong, I expect the interim tag next to Fletcher’s name will be dropped in June, sometime before the entry draft.

I expect Fletcher’s number one priority will be to convince captain Sundin to waive his no-trade clause and help infuse the franchise with some young talent it so desperately needs. Also on the to-do list will be to rid the club of some of their expensive contracts, and rid the team of the disease known as Andrew Raycroft.

I also expect there to be multiple post-it notes stuck to Fletcher’s monitor at his desk that say: “Do Not Trade Draft Picks!!!!” I find those little post-it notes help me to remember important work-related reminders. I think they would go a long way in making sure the Leafs do not compromise their future anymore by trading away draft picks.

But who knows? Another three-game win streak, which will kick start dreams of the eighth playoff seed, and the Leafs just might, as they do with freakish regularity around here, make a pitch for Yanic Perreault. It’s about that time of year.

So it’s a new day, and another new (or is it old?) beginning for the Toronto Maple Leafs. Like Ben Knight from The Globe and Mail’s On Soccer blog always says: "Onward!"

Yes, unfortunately, we have to.

Thanks JFJ for, uh, well, nothing. But, shit, thanks anyways.

It's Time To Re-Sign John Ferguson Jr.

For the past three seasons I have believed that the Toronto Maple Leafs were a playoff team. Clearly, my instincts have been wrong. Ok, horribly wrong. It's time for some George Costanza inspired thinking. It's time to re-sign general manager John Ferguson Jr. to a multi-year contract.

Like Jerry Seinfeld told George, "If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right." My instincts are telling me that John Ferguson Jr. needs to be fired and jettisoned out of this town, and fast. So, with that in mind, lets get his signature on a long-term contract. JFJ got us into this mess, lets give him a chance to get us out of it.

While everyone is enjoying shitting on JFJ (I've done it too, I admit it is rather enjoyable), I think the man is deserving of some serious props. He's trying to do his job in one tremendously fucked up working environment right now, yet he's still been accessible to the media. There he was Tuesday night doing an interview on Sportsnet during the second intermission of the Leafs game saying that, yes, at the end of the day, he was accountable for Toronto's lack of success. The man isn't hiding behind a rock, although he has every reason to be. He's facing the heat, and I've got to show him some love for that. His job is hanging by the thinnest of threads, and it can't be good times in the Ferguson Jr. household.

I can't also forget to mention the douchebag JFJ has to report to - his boss, the ever-popular, Richard Peddie. Peddie's the moron who passed on Scotty Bowman - passed on freakin' Scotty Bowman - and who publicly said that JFJ's hiring was a mistake. It's also common knowledge that Peddie and the Leafs are, and were months ago, looking for a replacement for Mr. Dead Man Walking, JFJ.

The thought has crossed my mind as to why JFJ simply hasn't quit. Why he hasn't gotten up one morning and said, "You know what? Fuck this. I'm gone," is beyond me. I'm sure there are financial reasons involved, but he has chosen not to take the easy way out. I send more props his way.

I mean, you've got Scotty Bowman coming on national television saying he was interviewed by Peddie and co. and Cliff Fletcher-mania all over the media in the last few days. JFJ isn't stupid (although many think he most-certainly is and, based on his track record, it's tough to argue he's not). He sees the media vultures circling his soon-to-be canned carcass, and his team, every day. My question is: how the hell is this man supposed to get any work done in such an environment? He still is, after all, the general manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs.

The same Toronto Maple Leafs that have won two games in a row, baby (and last night's victory was in a shootout, to boot)! But, in all seriousness, how is Ferguson supposed to make a trade when rival general manager's know he's a lame-duck manager and almost certainly on the way out, be it in the coming days or weeks, or in the off-season. I don't think it's possible. Every other general manager should be trying to rip Ferguson off right now and if they're not trying to, they're not doing their job. If JFJ is desperate to make a trade to try and save his behind, he hasn't let it be known, and hasn't made a deal, and I give him credit for that. He's sticking to his guns, even though he's flat out of ammunition.

The reality of the situation is that decisions need to be made in regards to this Leafs squad. Vancouver had a couple of scouts in Toronto to watch the Leafs on Tuesday night and Calgary general manager Darryl Sutter took in last night's game in Boston vs the Bruins. The Leafs have a ridiculously tradeable asset in Mats Sundin, and someone, whether it's Ferguson or his replacement, needs to start working the phones. JFJ needs to know whether he'll be pulling the trigger on any potential trade, doesn't he? Only in Toronto, I swear.

JFJ's treatment by the Leafs is pretty pathetic. Either show him the door, or give him an extension. The fact that they would leave the man's fate hanging in the balance like this is sad, and shows complete and utter disrespect for the position, and for JFJ. After this most-public humiliation of JFJ, who in their right mind would want to come and join the toxic environment that is the Toronto Maple Leafs front office? Ownership should be ashamed of themselves, but they're probably too busy doing laps in their swimming pool's of dollar, dollar bills, y'all.

As for Richard Peddie, I'm sick of hearing the catcalls for his firing. Peddie isn't going anywhere. He should be removed from the hockey department, as he was with the basketball department (hence the Raptors meteoric rise), but the man isn't going to be fired. He's simply made MLSE and the teachers way too much loot. According to his most trustworthy wikipedia entry, since taking over MLSE, Peddie has tripled its value to over $1.5 billion. Peddie, although a douche, ain't going nowhere. Deal with it.

The JFJ tenure in Toronto hasn't gone exactly to plan, although since his arrival in 2003 the Leafs have reached the 40-win and 90-point mark in each of his three seasons. Injuries have screwed JFJ and the Leafs, royally, the past few years. A completely healthy lineup is a luxury this team hasn't been able to have. Sure, every team and every general manager has to deal with injuries, but the Leafs, as I've documented, have been cursed by the MLSE injury plague.

One needn't look further than the recent injuries to Carlo Colaiacovo and Mark Bell. Colaiacovo injured his knee, the same knee he had surgery on a few months ago, while skating innocently to the bench after the referee blew the play dead a couple of weeks ago against Philly. He collided innocently with Flyers forward Jim Dowd and, just like that, it was back to the injured list for Carlo. I can't, in good conscience, even call it a collision - they just bumped into each other. Carlo simply cannot catch a break. Bless his heart, the poor guy.

Mark Bell, on the other hand, is plain old stupid. When he was traded to Toronto over the summer I heard he liked to chuck knuckles. Well, turns out that was just a rumour. He doesn't do much knuckle-chucking, but he sure is on the receiving end of a lot of 'em. The man can't fight, but he keeps on dropping the gloves. I'm not sure if Bell was preparing for his upcoming springtime sojourn to, umm, jail, but it's safe to say he won't be fighting for the next little while. A few weeks ago in Pittsburgh, Penguins forward Ryan Malone broke Bell's face in a fight (if you could call it that). Bell went under the knife recently to repair facial fractures (ouch) and will be gone eight weeks. So much more Bell being the dark horse in the Vesa Toskala trade, eh?

The goaltending has also been unkind - ok, very unkind - to the JFJ years. JFJ, in his second year with the team, and coming off the lockout, re-signed Eddie Belfour and watched as Belfour had his worst season in a Leafs uniform. The Buds ended up missing the playoffs by two points, but JFJ was his own worst enemy. He had only himself to blame, for he should never have re-signed the old and creaky Belfour, especially to a ludicrous two-year contract.

JFJ's solution to the Belfour debacle? Good old Razor Raycroft. I'm not even going to go there. However, as bad as the Belfour and Raycrap moves were, JFJ rectified the situation this time around with Toskala. Vesa is one of the few bright spots this year on a moribund Leafs team.

Let's not, however, get it confused - I'm not making excuses for JFJ, even though it seems like I am. The Leafs haven't made the playoffs two out of the three seasons he's been at the helm, and the playoffs are looking like a pipe dream this year as well. That's really all that matters. And, in the understatement of the year, JFJ has made some seriously fucked up personnel decisions. Raycroft's at the top of the list, that's for sure, but there are a ton of others that simply didn't, and haven't, worked out: Eric Lindros, Jason Allison, Jason Blake, Mark Bell, Marius Czerkawski, Brian Leetch, Tie Domi, Andy Wozniewski, and more. I'm not including in that list guys like Bryan McCabe and Pavel Kubina, but I'm sure others would put them at, or near, the top.

I'm rambling now, but there is a point to all my drivel (isn't there always?). JFJ is man who has learned while on the job, and why not give him a crack at turning this ship around. Sure, we can bring in someone new and change everything up, but there are no guarantees in life. It's why I voted Liberal in last October's provincial election. Did McGuinty and the Liberals do a super job the past four years? Uh, not quite. Were they on the right track? In my opinion, yes. If we keep changing our government every four years, what the hell is going to get done around here? Not much.

Changes, especially the systematic ones that the Toronto Maple Leafs so desperately need, take time, and it's time we learned some patience in this town. So I'm all for rebuilding this Leafs franchise, from the bottom up, and I'm saying lets give JFJ a shot at it. Even George went up to that woman in the coffee shop and told her that he was unemployed and lived with his parents. He did the opposite, and I suggest we do the same with our beloved Maple Leafs. We must follow the lead of George Louis Costanza, one of the most brilliant, and most neurotic, minds of our time...

Rock Bottom

When Andrew Raycroft is in goal, anything is possible. Even a 5-2 spanking of the Toronto Maple Leafs by the worst team in the National Hockey League, the Los Angeles Kings. If this isn't rock bottom, I'm not sure what is.

The Leafs, coming off a pathetic performance against the Anaheim Ducks, were just as bad, if not worse, last night. Their lack of resolve, fire, and competitiveness was humiliating. It was tough to be a Maple Leafs fan in that first period, when the Kings jumped out to a four-nothing lead.

Let's take a second to contemplate just how bad the LA Kings are. Going into last night's game the Kings were last in the NHL with 32 points, on 15 wins and two overtime losses. Their 15 losses on home ice is tops in the league. In other words, visiting teams love playing at the Staples Center. It's usually a cakewalk.

It certainly was last night. But for the Kings. By the time the first period was over the Leafs had been out-shot 11 to six and they were down 4-0. Jam done. Raycroft was, well, Raycroft (read: garbage). His rebound control was once again deplorable and the third goal by Frolov went right through him like the goaltending sieve he is. Raycroft was on the bench, where he belongs, to start the second period. While the team once again did not show up and clear any rebounds for him, Raycroft had to have been better last night. He needed to be at least half-decent, just so Vesa Toskala could rest his tender groin for Saturday night. But Raycroft couldn't even give Toskala one night off. This guy is so bad he doesn't even belong in the minors.

In another classic example of Maple Leafs incompetence, the Leafs yesterday afternoon returned goaltender Scott Clemmensen to the Toronto Marlies of the AHL. They sent down the wrong guy. Idiots. After last night's performance, I truly hope Raycroft's career with the Toronto Maple Leafs is over. I can't take it anymore. The Leafs know he's a useless sack of shit, too. As Toronto Star sports columnist extraordinaire Damien Cox reported on Tuesday, the Leafs brain trust (not sure how much brain is involved, clearly not much) seriously contemplated giving Justin Pogge, the future, the start in goal last Saturday against the Philadelphia Flyers.

It looks like the boys in the dressing room have become resigned to their fate, and are waiting for the axe to fall. Either on their coach, Paul Maurice, who it could be argued has lost this team, or a player. How else can you explain these poor performances? They are not showing up to play for Mo, or themselves, and are waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop.

If you take a look at the box score from last night's game you'll see that the Leafs actually out-shot LA 50-to-24. Los Angeles managed only 13 shots after the first period, and once Toskala was in the crease for Toronto to start the second period, the Leafs took to it to the Kings and outscored them two-to-one the rest of the contest. But, of course, it didn't matter. The game was decided in the first period. Thanks a bunch, Raycrap.

Richard Peddie, Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment president, is actually on this California road trip with Toronto, so he's had a front row seat to watch this freak show. Peddie is the moron who publicly said it was a mistake to hire John Ferguson Jr. Tell me something I don't know, douchebag. And fire someone, already! Preferably yourself.

It's onward to San Jose for a date with the Sharks on Saturday. Another beating, of that I have no doubt. Astonishingly, the Leafs are still only five points out of the 8th and final playoff spot in the Eastern Conference, and that's not a good thing. Ferguson is going to be looking to save his ass in the next couple of weeks and if history is any indication, he'll swing a deal in order for the Leafs to make a run at the final playoff spot, when all Toronto should be worrying about these days is the 2008 NHL Entry Draft. Like PPP at Pension Plan Puppets says, it's all about being the worst right now.

These are trying times for everyone, especially captain Mats Sundin. He fired 11 shots at the LA goal last night and is looking weary and tired from all the losing. It's like a disease, and it's spreading fast. Sundin needs to get out of Toronto. He doesn't deserve this. Not after his many years of faithful service. This is not the way his extraordinary Leafs career should be coming to a close. It hurts. The dream of Sundin winning the Stanley Cup in a Leafs uniform - a dream I have held so close to my heart for so many years - is dying a most painful death...