Rock Bottom

When Andrew Raycroft is in goal, anything is possible. Even a 5-2 spanking of the Toronto Maple Leafs by the worst team in the National Hockey League, the Los Angeles Kings. If this isn't rock bottom, I'm not sure what is.

The Leafs, coming off a pathetic performance against the Anaheim Ducks, were just as bad, if not worse, last night. Their lack of resolve, fire, and competitiveness was humiliating. It was tough to be a Maple Leafs fan in that first period, when the Kings jumped out to a four-nothing lead.

Let's take a second to contemplate just how bad the LA Kings are. Going into last night's game the Kings were last in the NHL with 32 points, on 15 wins and two overtime losses. Their 15 losses on home ice is tops in the league. In other words, visiting teams love playing at the Staples Center. It's usually a cakewalk.

It certainly was last night. But for the Kings. By the time the first period was over the Leafs had been out-shot 11 to six and they were down 4-0. Jam done. Raycroft was, well, Raycroft (read: garbage). His rebound control was once again deplorable and the third goal by Frolov went right through him like the goaltending sieve he is. Raycroft was on the bench, where he belongs, to start the second period. While the team once again did not show up and clear any rebounds for him, Raycroft had to have been better last night. He needed to be at least half-decent, just so Vesa Toskala could rest his tender groin for Saturday night. But Raycroft couldn't even give Toskala one night off. This guy is so bad he doesn't even belong in the minors.

In another classic example of Maple Leafs incompetence, the Leafs yesterday afternoon returned goaltender Scott Clemmensen to the Toronto Marlies of the AHL. They sent down the wrong guy. Idiots. After last night's performance, I truly hope Raycroft's career with the Toronto Maple Leafs is over. I can't take it anymore. The Leafs know he's a useless sack of shit, too. As Toronto Star sports columnist extraordinaire Damien Cox reported on Tuesday, the Leafs brain trust (not sure how much brain is involved, clearly not much) seriously contemplated giving Justin Pogge, the future, the start in goal last Saturday against the Philadelphia Flyers.

It looks like the boys in the dressing room have become resigned to their fate, and are waiting for the axe to fall. Either on their coach, Paul Maurice, who it could be argued has lost this team, or a player. How else can you explain these poor performances? They are not showing up to play for Mo, or themselves, and are waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop.

If you take a look at the box score from last night's game you'll see that the Leafs actually out-shot LA 50-to-24. Los Angeles managed only 13 shots after the first period, and once Toskala was in the crease for Toronto to start the second period, the Leafs took to it to the Kings and outscored them two-to-one the rest of the contest. But, of course, it didn't matter. The game was decided in the first period. Thanks a bunch, Raycrap.

Richard Peddie, Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment president, is actually on this California road trip with Toronto, so he's had a front row seat to watch this freak show. Peddie is the moron who publicly said it was a mistake to hire John Ferguson Jr. Tell me something I don't know, douchebag. And fire someone, already! Preferably yourself.

It's onward to San Jose for a date with the Sharks on Saturday. Another beating, of that I have no doubt. Astonishingly, the Leafs are still only five points out of the 8th and final playoff spot in the Eastern Conference, and that's not a good thing. Ferguson is going to be looking to save his ass in the next couple of weeks and if history is any indication, he'll swing a deal in order for the Leafs to make a run at the final playoff spot, when all Toronto should be worrying about these days is the 2008 NHL Entry Draft. Like PPP at Pension Plan Puppets says, it's all about being the worst right now.

These are trying times for everyone, especially captain Mats Sundin. He fired 11 shots at the LA goal last night and is looking weary and tired from all the losing. It's like a disease, and it's spreading fast. Sundin needs to get out of Toronto. He doesn't deserve this. Not after his many years of faithful service. This is not the way his extraordinary Leafs career should be coming to a close. It hurts. The dream of Sundin winning the Stanley Cup in a Leafs uniform - a dream I have held so close to my heart for so many years - is dying a most painful death...

Penguins Layeth The Smacketh Downeth

I'm always bitching and moaning about the lack of accountability on the Toronto Maple Leafs hockey club. Well, Paul Maurice and company ushered in 2008 with some changes, so I've got to show the team some respect. There's only one problem - the Leafs still stink.

Another spanking went into the books last night at the hands of the Pittsburgh Penguins. A 6-2 final, including three goals by the Pens in 48 seconds early in the third period. Three goals in 48 seconds. I can't even make myself a drink in 48 seconds. OK, well, maybe if I try really hard.

As for those changes I mentioned. Andrew Raycroft has been sent to the bench, hopefully with some super glue so he can never play for the Leafs again, and Kyle Wellwood has been banished to the press box as a healthy scratch.

Raycrap can rot in goaltending hell but it's tough times for Welly. He was supposed to be the Leafs' second-line centre this season and was expected to put up 65 points. But it's clear to anyone who's been watching him play that he just isn't the same since his groin and abdominal injuries. I gotta say that Wellwood is one strange cat. He supposedly doesn't own a television and while being interviewed on Tuesday morning about his upcoming night off he was pretty upbeat, and was even wearing a smile. Umm, Kyle, you're supposed to be disappointed. At least show me you're freaking disappointed. I think the whole camera and television thing just tripped him out. At least I hope that was the case. Otherwise he's a douche.

The lineup changes worked on January 1st, although Toronto's opponent were the Tampa Bay Lightning, who are even more pathetic than my Leafs. Haha, losers! Scott Clemmensen, who broke my heart last year, was between the pipes and the Leafs actually won a game via the dreaded shootout. Seriously, I kid you not. A shootout against Vincent Lecavalier, Brad Richards and Martin St. Louis. That's the NHL's leading scorer (Lecavalier), a former Conn Smythe Trophy winner (Richards), and a former scoring champion (St. Louis). Typical Toronto Maple Leafs. It proves that anyone, including Clemmensen, is better than Raycroft the goaltending sieve.

Wellwood was in the press box again last night and Clemmensen got his second straight start in goal, but it didn't matter. The Leafs hung Clemmensen out to dry like he was, well, Raycroft, and I'm guessing Wellwood will be back in the lineup on Saturday night after another anemic offensive performance by the boys in blue and white.

The good news? Isn't much, other than the amazing fact that Jason Blake scored for the first time on the road this freaking season last night at the Igloo. Only took half the year. Atta boy, Blake!

Here's what I'm upset about, and I'll keep it short and simple: Paul Maurice should have called a timeout when Pittsburgh made it 4-1, with two goals in 37 seconds. Instead, play continued and the Penguins bagged another one 11 seconds later. Then Maurice used his timeout, but by then it was already sweet dreams Toronto. Way to coach back there, Mo.

And for the love of Christ, Jiri Tlusty needs to be sent back down to the minors. The rookie played less than five minutes last night. There's no point for him to be playing on the fourth line with a playmaker like Wade Belak when he can be playing 20 minutes a game on the best team in the American Hockey League, the Toronto Marlies. Tlusty is only 19 and the Leafs can't afford to mess with this kid's development, yet they already are. The mismanagement up in here is unreal.

I'm starting to feel a bit Damien Cox-ish about the rest of this Leafs season. By that I mean negative as a mother sucker. The Leafs completed game 41 out of 82 last night, and have only 16 wins to their name. That's not good. Not good at all. The Leafs were handily beaten by a better team - a playoff team - in the Penguins last night. And while we're add it, lets add Ty Conklin's name to the list of goalies to beat the Leafs this season. Brutal.

I have kept believing the Leafs would turn it around - flick the proverbial switch - but since Toronto lost Vesa Toskala to injury, things have gotten seriously bleak 'round these parts. Toronto has dropped four of their last five contests, and seven of nine. The Leafs are the 26th-best-team (got to stay a little positive) in a 30-team-league. It's painful. I'm not too sure how much longer things will be allowed to continue this way, but I've got to believe that one of Maurice or JFJ are going to be picking up the classifieds in The Hockey News in the not-so-distant future.

The only man that can save this Leafs team, and a season that is quickly slipping away, is goaltender Toskala.

Fire the flare. I'm sending out an S.O.S.

There's just one more thing - Mark Bell, please stop fighting. Watching you get knocked out every time is embarrassing.