Deep Thoughts Vol. 9: I Hate Ryan Hollweg Edition

I'm going to get right down to business: fuck Ryan Hollweg. Seriously, fuck him. It's obvious after Monday afternoon that Hollweg is nothing but a brainless monkey, good for only a few cheap laughs.

Ok, ok, fine. The man can dance. But he sucks at hockey. He can't fight, he can't score, he can't do anything but knock a man face first into the glass. Ryan, I don't know if you missed the memo, man, but you don't hit from behind. Stop it. Before you kill someone. If Hollweg keeps his act up, the league will have to start using those minor hockey league jerseys, you know, with the stop signs on em. Even then, I don't trust him. Hollweg has, in a very short time with the Leafs, proven that he is clearly an idiot.

Points squandered in October are the ones that always come back to bite the Maple Leafs in the ass come April, and Hollweg cost us a point on Monday. The Leafs were sitting pretty up 3-1 before Hollweg hand-delivered the St. Louis Blues an invitation to get back in the game.

It's clear that all Maple Leaf fans think Hollweg's a douche. He is. But I'm surprised many in "Leafs Nation" aren't thanking him. He was largely, if not solely, to blame for Monday's shootout loss, and isn't that what everyone wants around here, more losses for our beloved Leafs? You know, Tank Nation? The Tank for Tavares? To all you pro-tankers out there, go out and buy your Hollweg jerseys because this guy is doing more harm than good for the Maple Leafs.

Damn pro-tankers. They make me so mad. I'm not a pro-tanker, so what, other than an idiot, does that make me? A pro-just barely make the playoffs-er, I guess.

As for Hollweg, when everyone in the Leafs blogosphere is agreeing with Damien Cox, you know something's amiss. But Damien's right (*shudders*), this guy doesn't deserve to wear a Leafs jersey, plain and simple. Get him out of here, Fletchra. Pretty please.

Pour Yourself A Drink

I know it's only been three games, but the numbers don't look good my friends. Going into last night's NHL action the Leafs had allowed the most goals in the league (12) and, much to my chagrin, still can't kill a God damn penalty. 

The penalty kill is "performing" like a 72-year-old man in the bedroom. It needs help. The Leafs have killed off only nine of their opposition's 15 power plays, good for a 60% success rate and, you guessed it, sitting last in the league. Just how God-awful the PK unit has looked out there is what worries me. Guys are skating around like they don't have a clue. Montreal made us look downright silly on Saturday night when they had a man advantage.

This should put things in perspective: the Leafs and Habs have both played three games and Toronto has allowed more power play goals (six) than Montreal has allowed in total (five).

You know what else the Leafs suck at? Faceoffs. For teams that have played two or more games this season, the Leafs are, once again, dead last in the league, winning only 42.3% of their draw's. Sure, the Leafs will miss Mats Sundin's automatic 25-to-30 goals, but it's on the draw where his absence will be felt the most. He spoiled us when it came to faceoffs. He was money, always above 50% and at or near the top of the league every year. Oh, Mats.

Vesa Toskala's numbers aren't that great either: a 4.36 goals against average and a Raycroftian .860 save percentage. I blame the penalty kill for Vesa's poor numbers, but I'm sure he'll be the first to admit that he's got to have more nights like the season opener in Detroit.

Something To Be Thankful For

Yeah, the Leafs lost their Thanksgiving matinee thanks to that imbecile Hollweg, but I did have something to be thankful for: Matt Stajan was a healthy scratch. Ironically, he was replaced by Hollweg, so the whole thing didn't work out so well but, still, Matt Stajan was a healthy scratch. Say it. It feels good. 

Ladies and gentlemen, I think the Leafs finally have a coach who realizes that Stajan simply isn't that good. Pat Quinn loved him. So did Paul Maurice. And I have no idea why.

Now, I'll be the first to admit that if you give me the option between having Hollweg and Stajan in the lineup, I'm picking Stajan eight days of the week. But, that being said, now that Hollweg is suspended, I'm open to seeing Ian White on the wing before Stajan gets back in there. Let Stajan sit up in the press box for a little while. Maybe that'll get him to play with a little more gusto, a little more urgency. God knows he could use it.

Ron Wilson Likes Luke Schenn

Anton Stralman? Not so much. Stralman saw his first action of the season Monday afternoon, but he took a seat come the third period. It was Schenn who benefited, and Luke ended up with over 25 minutes of ice time. I think both of these guys have bright futures in the league and, in all honesty, I would have rather Wilson kept the six-man rotation running.

I thought Schenn looked his age, a mere 18 years old, on Saturday night against Montreal, but he rebounded with a solid performance on Monday. Schenn is fantastic, but Stralman needs to be given every opportunity to shine as well. Anton may very well end up turning into a special player in his own right.

Bottom line: we've got a few young studs on the blue line. If Schenn does end up going back to junior, which I hope is the plan, then a 25-minute game against the Blues is perfect for his development. Stralman? He'll get his ice time. It's only a matter of time before Carlo Colaiacovo goes down.

Oh Finger Where Art Thou?

Is it wrong that I'm excited to see Jeff Finger play? This is what it has come to. The days of Alex Mogilny and Brian Leetch are long, long gone, replaced instead by the likes of Mikhail Grabovski and Jeff Finger. Good times.

Paul Kariya's Fist Pump

Did anyone catch Paul Kariya's fist pump after he scored St. Louis' fourth goal on Monday? He displayed beautiful fist pump etiquette, employing the celebration on a game-tying goal in the third period. Well done, Paul Kariya. I salute you. I only hope Jason Blake was taking notes.

A Two-Horse Race

Democracy is at work here at Sports And The City, and it's clearly a two-horse race when it comes to the fate of the blog's welcome banner. Will Tomas Kaberle maintain his slim lead and replace Sundin? Or will Sundin live on in infamy forever here at Sports And The City? The poll runs through until November 1st. Vote early, vote often.

RIP Alexei Cherepanov

Hockey, in the long run, really doesn't mean much. May the young man rest in peace. 

Happy Anniversary, Tomas

Ten years. Can you believe it has already been ten years together? Time flies. It really does. It has been a remarkable journey, and I want you to know, Tomas Kaberle, that I love you.

Before I continue, I must apologize for my most brutal photoshop skills. As you can see, I have none. I don't know how guys like Greener and Chemmy do it. But, like I always tell my girlfriend, it's the thought that counts.

Oh, Tomas. Where do I begin? You came out of nowhere 10 years ago and stole my heart. You've held it ever since. I'll never forget the first time I saw that smile, and those rosy cheeks.

I remember our first night together, October 10th, 1998, like it was yesterday. The Detroit Red Wings, the defending Stanley Cup champions, were in town. We had a new coach, a new goaltender, and a new attitude. Coming off a disastrous season in which the Leafs missed the playoffs, no one knew what to expect.

Wait a minute, that sounds familiar, doesn't it?

Tomas, you were new on the blue line that night, yet you quickly showed that you belonged. You helped start the season on the right foot. We were victorious that night 10 years ago, 2-1, and on Monday morning at school we, the die-hard Maple Leafs fans, were all abuzz over #15 on the blue line. I won't lie, Tomas. Not on a day as special as this. You had me at hello.

Like any long term relationship worth a damn, we've battled. We've been through our ups and downs. We've seen the good and the bad. Sure, we've had great times: the lengthy playoff runs, and the All-Star game appearances. We've also had our troubles: your contract holdout in 2001, douchebags laying you out with late hits, the Paul Maurice years (try to block them out), and, of course, the NHL lockout of 2004/2005.

I missed you so much during the lockout, Tomas. It was, arguably, the most difficult year of my life. A long, cold, depressing winter without you. Without the Toronto Maple Leafs. Without hockey. Oh, how it hurts my heart to just think about those days. 

You, however, had faith. You said we needed the time apart, to figure things out on our own, and you were right. You returned in due time, just as you said you would; a man of your word. Sure, the lockout didn't mean a damn thing as player salaries are once again completely out of control, and the salary cap's floor has gone through the ceiling. Sure, the Leafs have missed the playoffs three seasons in a row and all signs are pointing to that trend continuing. Sure, all your closest friends in the dressing room have been shown the door. None of that matters, Tomas. What matters is that you're still here with me. Where you belong. 

(Allow me to keep it real for a moment: it also matters that Kaberle comes at a very reasonable price. Thank you.) 

I know that last year some people tried to tear us apart. Others will try and do the same this year. They're jealous of our love. Fuck Jeff Carter. Fuck a first round pick. Call me selfish. Call me a stupid face. I don't care. Tomas, you're the one I want here in Toronto, and we must stray strong. Until death  Cliff Fletcher asks you to waive your no-trade clause (again) do us part, right? Right. 

My point is, we've persevered. Here we are, 10 years deep, 10 years strong. Ten glorious years. Have I told you how much I love the way you rush the puck up ice today? Nobody starts a break out like you do, Tomas. Nobody. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. And your tribute song on YouTube, which is now my cell phone ring tone I might add, says it best: "He make cross-ice pass like you won't believe."

It's been one hell of a ride, Tomas. I've enjoyed every second of it with you. As we embark on another chapter in our lives together down in Detroit tonight, all I want us to do is live for the moment, and live for today. I know everyone in the world thinks the Leafs are going to be terrible this season. Let's prove them wrong. Fuck John Tavares. Fuck Victor Hedman. I mean, who knows how long we have left together? Who knows how long we have left on this earth? I won't be cheering for the Leafs to lose. I don't have it in me. I'll be cheering for you, Tomas, and for the rest of the boys. Live for today. Have faith. Let's shock the world.

I'm counting on you, Tomas, like I always have. Regardless of what letter you've got on your jersey, you are the leader of the Toronto Maple Leafs. I know that Mats Sundin has taught you well, and I know that you won't disappoint. Make me proud, Tomas, like you always have.

Please, raise your glass. I love you Tomas Kaberle. Here's to 10 years. And ten more.

Go Leafs Go.

Another God Damn Post On Mats Sundin

Today is the day we were supposed to learn of Mats Sundin's decision regarding his future. Well, much to nobody's surprise, that ain't happening. But let's talk about Mats anyways.

Norte over at He Score, He Shoot! is officially bothered by the Sundin situation and the former Toronto captain's inability to come to a decision regarding if, and where, he will play next season. In Norte's words, "Give it to us straight Mats."

I think it's time to put on Mats Sundin's shoes, and look at the situation from his point of view. Remember, you're a professional ice hockey player, and 37 years old.

Sundin, as of July 1st, became a former Toronto Maple Leaf. He's a free agent, with no obligation of any kind to the Leafs or us, their loyal (and alcoholic) fans. Sundin has repeatedly maintained that he hasn't decided if he can put his body through the rigours of another NHL season. In my humble opinion, that is giving it to us straight. And we have to give him the benefit of the doubt. Why? Because he didn't take the $20 million Vancouver deal the moment it was offered to him. Because he's publicly said that the Vancouver deal is much more lucrative than any other offer he's received.

If Mats had taken the Canucks deal on July 1st or, hell, any time in July, he would have been a liar, a douchebag, and a hypocrite. But he didn't. Nothing has changed. He's maintained the same story from day one, and has stuck to it. He simply doesn't know if he wants to play next season.

If Mats does decide to prolong his career with another team, what's there to be bitter about? A draft pick or two? Come on. We're talking about the guy who gave us the best years of his hockey life. His youth. His prime. His everything. Life isn't simple. What really is forever anymore? There's a reason why half the people who get married on this side of the world end up getting divorced. I know Sundin started his career in Quebec, and he may yet put on another jersey, but he will always be remembered as a Toronto Maple Leaf. The best one, ever, actually. Not many athletes can say they spent their whole career, or even 14 years, with one franchise. Sundin doesn't deserve to have his legacy determined over any of this bullshit. Just remember what he did out on the ice.

Keep Sundin's shoes on. If you were him, you'd probably be doing exactly what he's doing right now. Some serious introspection, and keeping all your options open. The guy has got one or two years left of hockey in him, from which he can make $12-$14 million. He can set up another three or four generations of the Sundin family, for life. But he's got to want to do it. He's got to have the desire to do it. A hasty decision would be the wrong one, wouldn't you agree?

When it comes to Sundin, I tend to ramble. I love the guy. With all my heart. With the window closing on his career, and other opportunities facing him, I don't have it in me to be upset with him. I just want him to be happy. If he chooses to leave Toronto, I'll feel the sting, but I'll hold the door for him on his way out. It's the least I can do, after all he's done for me. If I've learned anything in my almost 26 years on this planet, it's that all good things must come to an end.

And, just for the record, Mats can fondle my frilly unmentionables whenever he likes.