Fantasy Hockey Fail

Honestly, nothing hurts quite like fucking up in fantasy hockey. It haunts you. A small piece of me dies each time I hear the name "Dennis Wideman."

Earlier this season I dropped Wideman, the steady Boston Bruins defenseman, from my fantasy hockey team. 

It gets worse. 

I dropped him for San Jose Sharks d-man Christian Ehrhoff.

I drafted Wideman. I felt like he was going to improve on his 36 point 2007/2008 season, and benefit from playing on a decent Boston team. Well, he certainly has.

I can't say I thought the Bruins would be this good. And while I was high on Wideman, I didn't think he'd be this good, either. But that doesn't make it any easier. He used to be mine. I let him go. Now I'm paying the price; sitting quietly by my window, and thinking about him.

In 45 games this season, Wideman has 31 points (9 goals, 22 assists), and is a whopping +26. Twenty of those points have come on the power play.

To make sure I was reminded how much of an idiot I am, Wideman scored last night against the Toronto Maple Sucks. It was a power play goal, of course.

And Ehrhoff? I dropped his ass. After starting the season with 16 points in twenty games, he's tallied a goal and two assists since November 22nd. Fuck Christian Ehrhoff.

I'm sitting in fourth place in my pool. There's a substantial amount of money to be won. Had I kept Wideman, I'd probably be in second, or close to it. Had I kept Wideman, and had Tomas Plekanec not morphed into a useless piece of Montreal Canadiens shit, I might even be challenging for first.

You live and learn, I guess. At least I now know what John Ferguson Jr. feels like.

Still, I need a drink.

Guest Post: 5 Ways I'd Change the NHL

It's time to celebrate another first here at Sports And The City: a guest post!

For those of you who read Greg Wyshynski's Puck Daddy blog over at Yahoo! Sports, you know what he's been up to this summer. He's had different personalities, from the great Will Leitch to uber hockey blogger James Mirtle, weigh in with their top five ways they'd change the NHL.

I was going to chime in with my own five ways, but being the world's greatest procrastinator got in the way, as it usually does. Thankfully, my boy Winson has filled the gap. To his friends, he's known as Winse, Prince, Winsanity, Vince, Winsonia, Winsonian, Squinse, Squinsanity, and Squinson. Over here in the comments section, he's known as Marvelous Win.

I'm going to pass the mic over to my guest of honour, but you can find some of my running commentary throughout the post. Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for the one, the only, Marvelous Win.

*cue applause*

Marvelous Win: 5 Ways I'd Change the NHL

I would like to thank eyebleaf for letting me waste some of my time by letting me post on his blog (eyebleaf: He definitely wrote this while at work). Now that the obligatory thanks is out of the way, let's get down to business. I've been reading a lot about how people would change the NHL, and there have been some very good suggestions. So I started to think, what would be my five ways to improve the NHL? Now, I'm really not like the regular person (eyebleaf: I can attest to this fact), so I decided to tap into my inner Vince McMahon and present to you five stupid ways I'd improve the NHL. They just might be crazy enough to work. Hit my music.

1. Hooligans, hooligans, and more hooligans

Let's take a page from TFC and have a section in the lower bowl, behind the away net, reserved for each city's equivalent of the Red Patch Boys. Anyone who's been to a TFC game knows the excitement the south side brings. Just imagine the away goalie being heckled all game long by the die hard fans; being serenaded with "It's all your fault!" and "Who are ya?" chants. And streamers. We definitely need streamers (eyebleaf: I would have loved to whip a streamer or two, or ten, at Raycroft's useless mug, although they probably would have gone right through him, just like everything else - zing!).

2. What cha say, foo?

Why does hockey, a sport that supposedly thrives on violence, have the worst personality in the world? Why on earth are hockey players taught to be respectable in interviews? Honestly, hockey needs more guys like Sean Avery. I mean, even Michael Jordan was a master of the timeless art of trash talkage.

Imagine, after a Caps and Pens game, Sidney Crosby saying something like this: "That Ovechkin fool ain't got nothing on me. I can dangle around him any day of the week. And he's one ugly mother fucker."

And Ovie coming back with this: "The next time Sid skates into my zone, I will knock him on his ass, and watch him cry like he usually does. And he calls that a playoff beard? I know Russian girls with more hair on their face."

Imagine that. Priceless. Screw promoting team rivalries. Player hatred - think Marty Brodeur and Avery - is the way to go.

3. Relegation, Relegation, Relegation

I'm taking another page from the most popular sport in the world; football. No, not the one the Americans play. That doesn't even involve too much, you know, foot. They really should change the name.

Anyway, picture this: the last place team in each conference would get relegated to the AHL, and the AHL's two best teams would get promoted to the NHL (eyebleaf: the fact that the NHL teams stock the AHL teams might pose a slight problem, but I love the idea of relegation regardless).

Can you imagine how exciting the games would be at the end of the year? No one would ever think about tanking again.

4. Mamma Said Knock You Out

Instead of moving away from fighting, I think we should face facts and start rewarding the guys who have the chutzpah to drop the gloves. Here's my idea: only the loser of the fight should go to the sin bin. So, if you choose to fight and get your ass handed to you (eyebleaf: memories of Mark Bell), your team will be down a man. So don't be starting something unless you plan on finishing it.

5. Blue and Red

Picture this: every time someone passes the puck there'll be a blue a streak on your television, and every time someone shoots the puck there'll be a red streak on your television. What? What do you mean they tried that? And it didn't work? Oh, well, shit.

5. Girls, Girls, and more Girls

I know there's recently been a lot of talk about women and their place in hockey. I mean no disrespect to the lovely female hockey bloggers out there, but I personally think every team should have cheerleaders, or "Ice Girls" as they're called in Pittsburgh. What? I like girls. I like them a lot (eyebleaf: he really does). OK fine, just the hot ones (eyebleaf: it's true, he's mean to the ugly ones).

And after reading that, ladies and gentlemen, now you know why I'm not running the NHL.

We now return to your regularly scheduled programming...

My Favourite General Manager

I love Brian Burke. In a perfect world he would be the general manager of the pathetic Toronto Maple Leafs. He makes shrewd business decisions, and doesn't care who he upsets in the process. He's a winner but most importantly, he's loyal to his players.

There ain't a lot of loyalty left in pro sports, but you can find some in the Orange County office of my man Brian Burke. He is, in my mind, without question the best general manager in all of hockey, and the Anaheim Ducks are lucky to have him.

This morning Brian Burke and the Ducks put netminder Ilya Bryzgalov on the waiver wire. He was available to any and all teams to take at no cost but his $1.36 million dollar salary. The reason Burke put Bryz on waivers? He was keeping his word. It's so refreshing! Read it again, it's even better the second time.

Over the summer, Bryzgalov, Anaheim's dependable back-up goalie, asked for a trade. He wanted to go to a team where he could get more of an opportunity to play. Every athlete aspires to play every night and be the man; Bryzgalov is no different. He knew it wasn't going to happen in Anaheim, playing behind all-world goalie J.S. Giguere.

Burke was more than happy to comply. He gave Bryzgalov and his agent a time line and said that if he wasn't traded by, it seems, today, Burke would put him on waivers and give 29 teams a shot at him.

From Burke:
"Ilya Bryzgalov has won three playoff rounds for us and has played very well. But we've committed ourselves to two other goaltenders in Jean-Sebastien Giguere and Jonas Hiller. I told him if I couldn't find (him) a place to play, I would put him on waivers. I gave his agent Don Meehan a time frame, and we're keeping our word to a player. As an organization, we find that to be important. He's a good kid, we know he'll get picked up and he'll play well wherever he goes. He's done his part for us over the last two seasons, and it's time we kept our word."

Wow. Burke is awesome! He's like the Bryan Colangelo of hockey. He cares about his players and appreciates what they do, but above all else, Brian Burke is a man of principal.

Burke turned around the Vancouver Canucks when he was the general manager out in Van-City. He made them a competitive team by sticking to his guns. When Peter Schaefer held out for more money on his contract a few years ago, Burke let him sit, refusing to give the always-underachieving Schaefer a penny more than what he thought he was worth. Schaefer ended up missing a whole season because he wouldn't sign Burke's final contract offer. Finally, Schaefer was dealt to Ottawa. The lesson? Don't mess with Brian Burke. You will lose.

When Todd Bertuzzi sucker-punched Steve Moore, it was a despicable act. But Bertuzzi was Brian Burke's player, and although the circumstances were extremely difficult, Burke supported and stuck by Bertuzzi throughout the whole incident. It's not a coincidence that once Bertuzzi became a free-agent this past summer, he went back to Anaheim and his good friend Brian Burke.

The sports world needs more men like Brian Burke, a man of principal who shows loyalty to not just the superstars, but even to the back-up goalie's of the world...