You know all that hype? Believe it.

Look at Ovechkin. Look at those two grown men embracing. Good times are being had by all. (Well, except the Penguins. And their fans.)

It's Ovechkin vs Crosby and Malkin. Ovie vs Sid and Geno. Three of hockey's finest players, none older than 23, squaring off in the second round of the playoffs. A series that is so far - somehow - actually living up to its incredulous media hype.

And I've been kind of apathetic towards it. I figured it was just that: hype. 

I've caught about 45 minutes of actual action throughout the first two games. Truthfully, I've been watching more Toronto Blue Jays baseball. Hey, they're a first place team, asshole. (Playoffs!!1)

Full highlights of games one and two have been watched, though. Amply. A helluva playoff series is going down. The stars are shining. Well, except that Malkin guy. And, umm, where was this Varlamov character all season?

I caught the third period last night, and my reaction to hat-tricks by both Crosby and Ovechkin was a hearty "fuck off." (Ovie's third was something, enough for Bob Cole's trademarked "OH BABY!") Both #87 and #8 have officially taken their game to the proverbial "next level." It certainly does exist. And it's slightly arousing to watch.

Wednesday night, the Blue Jays are in Anaheim. Which means a most accomodating 10:05 PM eastern start time. One that works out perfectly because, clearly, there's a hockey game to be watched.

As the fine folks at Puck Daddy pointed out a few days ago, Mario Lemieux and Wayne Gretzky never met in the playoffs. I guess this is what it would have been like.

Some quick, penetrating thoughts: Crosby complaining about hats being thrown on the ice to celebrate an Ovechkin hat-trick - the nerve of Washington fans! - is going to do wonders for his reputation as a whiny little bitch crybaby. He must have the same PR guy as Mats Sundin ... Chris Kunitz is officially a douchebag. Cross-checking the goalie in the neck? Stay classy ... Mario Lemieux's playoff beard can only be admired and appreciated. I am in love with that man. Did you know that when he came into the league Lemieux asked to wear #99? So as to not draw too much attention to his desire to be better than Gretzky, and create his own brand, he simply flipped the numbers around. What a man ... It's going to be quite the afternoon: Brett Cecil makes his MLB debut for the Jays, followed by Man United vs Arsenal. For Cecil, the beginning of a promising career. For the Gunners, the end of their Champions League aspirations.

Sean Avery; Oh What Could Have Been

Sean Avery, everyone's favourite douchebag, took his act to Dallas over the summer. He made his return to New York Monday night, and was at his Avery best during his post-game interview.

So, he gets in Brandon Dubinsky's face, and calls Rangers back-up goalie Stephen Valiquette a "minor leaguer." (You know, a "minor leaguer" who beat the Leafs twice last season, and who has already shut us out this season. Just saying.) Then, apparently, Avery gets into it with the Rangers' colour man. 

My point is, just imagine a full season of Sean Avery and the Toronto Maple Leafs media. Worlds would have collided. Oh, the fun it would have been. Think about it, Damien Cox didn't get along with Darcy Tucker. Imagine the living hell Avery would have put him through. To read the hatred Cox would have spewed towards Avery, day in and day out, would have been worth it alone. 

I still think we should have signed Avery, or at least tried to. He would have made a plucky Toronto team even tougher to play against and, more importantly, Damien Cox's life miserable. And, really, at the end of the day, isn't that we all want? 

* Hat tip to Greg Wyshynski at Puck Daddy for the Avery video and link. They're good people over there, check 'em out if you don't already. 

Guest Post: 5 Ways I'd Change the NHL

It's time to celebrate another first here at Sports And The City: a guest post!

For those of you who read Greg Wyshynski's Puck Daddy blog over at Yahoo! Sports, you know what he's been up to this summer. He's had different personalities, from the great Will Leitch to uber hockey blogger James Mirtle, weigh in with their top five ways they'd change the NHL.

I was going to chime in with my own five ways, but being the world's greatest procrastinator got in the way, as it usually does. Thankfully, my boy Winson has filled the gap. To his friends, he's known as Winse, Prince, Winsanity, Vince, Winsonia, Winsonian, Squinse, Squinsanity, and Squinson. Over here in the comments section, he's known as Marvelous Win.

I'm going to pass the mic over to my guest of honour, but you can find some of my running commentary throughout the post. Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for the one, the only, Marvelous Win.

*cue applause*

Marvelous Win: 5 Ways I'd Change the NHL

I would like to thank eyebleaf for letting me waste some of my time by letting me post on his blog (eyebleaf: He definitely wrote this while at work). Now that the obligatory thanks is out of the way, let's get down to business. I've been reading a lot about how people would change the NHL, and there have been some very good suggestions. So I started to think, what would be my five ways to improve the NHL? Now, I'm really not like the regular person (eyebleaf: I can attest to this fact), so I decided to tap into my inner Vince McMahon and present to you five stupid ways I'd improve the NHL. They just might be crazy enough to work. Hit my music.

1. Hooligans, hooligans, and more hooligans

Let's take a page from TFC and have a section in the lower bowl, behind the away net, reserved for each city's equivalent of the Red Patch Boys. Anyone who's been to a TFC game knows the excitement the south side brings. Just imagine the away goalie being heckled all game long by the die hard fans; being serenaded with "It's all your fault!" and "Who are ya?" chants. And streamers. We definitely need streamers (eyebleaf: I would have loved to whip a streamer or two, or ten, at Raycroft's useless mug, although they probably would have gone right through him, just like everything else - zing!).

2. What cha say, foo?

Why does hockey, a sport that supposedly thrives on violence, have the worst personality in the world? Why on earth are hockey players taught to be respectable in interviews? Honestly, hockey needs more guys like Sean Avery. I mean, even Michael Jordan was a master of the timeless art of trash talkage.

Imagine, after a Caps and Pens game, Sidney Crosby saying something like this: "That Ovechkin fool ain't got nothing on me. I can dangle around him any day of the week. And he's one ugly mother fucker."

And Ovie coming back with this: "The next time Sid skates into my zone, I will knock him on his ass, and watch him cry like he usually does. And he calls that a playoff beard? I know Russian girls with more hair on their face."

Imagine that. Priceless. Screw promoting team rivalries. Player hatred - think Marty Brodeur and Avery - is the way to go.

3. Relegation, Relegation, Relegation

I'm taking another page from the most popular sport in the world; football. No, not the one the Americans play. That doesn't even involve too much, you know, foot. They really should change the name.

Anyway, picture this: the last place team in each conference would get relegated to the AHL, and the AHL's two best teams would get promoted to the NHL (eyebleaf: the fact that the NHL teams stock the AHL teams might pose a slight problem, but I love the idea of relegation regardless).

Can you imagine how exciting the games would be at the end of the year? No one would ever think about tanking again.

4. Mamma Said Knock You Out

Instead of moving away from fighting, I think we should face facts and start rewarding the guys who have the chutzpah to drop the gloves. Here's my idea: only the loser of the fight should go to the sin bin. So, if you choose to fight and get your ass handed to you (eyebleaf: memories of Mark Bell), your team will be down a man. So don't be starting something unless you plan on finishing it.

5. Blue and Red

Picture this: every time someone passes the puck there'll be a blue a streak on your television, and every time someone shoots the puck there'll be a red streak on your television. What? What do you mean they tried that? And it didn't work? Oh, well, shit.

5. Girls, Girls, and more Girls

I know there's recently been a lot of talk about women and their place in hockey. I mean no disrespect to the lovely female hockey bloggers out there, but I personally think every team should have cheerleaders, or "Ice Girls" as they're called in Pittsburgh. What? I like girls. I like them a lot (eyebleaf: he really does). OK fine, just the hot ones (eyebleaf: it's true, he's mean to the ugly ones).

And after reading that, ladies and gentlemen, now you know why I'm not running the NHL.

We now return to your regularly scheduled programming...