The Agony of Defeat

Is there anything in pro sports more agonizing than watching your opponents celebrate on your turf after they've just ended your season? 

What about when it's the Tampa Bay Devil Rays who have sent you packing? Ouch. Multiply the agony pictured above by 73.

I feel for the Chicago White Sox, and the entire city of Chicago (Chicago is Toronto's cousin). One city, two baseball teams in the playoffs, and neither were able to get past the first round. My heart really goes out to these two. The guy with the sign really needs a hug.

The Rays Have a Bandwagon?

So, the Tampa Bay Devil Rays are moving on to the ALCS and, well, it's official: I've hopped on to their bandwagon. Yes, there actually is a Tampa Bay Rays bandwagon. I found it yesterday. I know, it's fucked up. I've got to admit, though, that I'm feeling the mohawks. It's all about solidarity, brother. And who doesn't love a fairytale story of worst (in the entire league) to first?

The Rays remind me a lot of the 2003 Florida Marlins. You know, a bunch of kids who don't seem to be bothered by the pressure that comes part and parcel with October baseball. They've got nothing to lose because no one thought they'd be in this position in the first place. They just play. Oh, and they're coached by an old white dude.

There is one thing, however, that I could do without when it comes to Tampa Bay: this. It pains me deeply to see Eric Hinske going ape shit once again with a bottle of bubbly. It's just not fair; just not right. I saw enough of Shitske and champagne last year after the Boston Red Sox won the World Series. The deplorable Hinske saw a whopping total of two at bats during Boston's march to the title and, yep, you guessed it, he struck out both times. What a douchebag. 

Speaking of the Red Sox, they've got a date with the Devil (Rays). Boston is, most unfortunately, moving on after they finished off the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim last night. While I am happy for the great Canadian Jason Bay now that he has escaped baseball purgatory, you all know how I feel about the Red Sox.

Rays and Red Sox should be a doozy, and undoubtedly intense. These teams don't like each other.

Let me put it this way: when it comes to the Red Sox vs. the Rays, winner moving on to the World Series, I'm hoping I get to see Shitske pop another bottle of Bambino. 

Go Rays.

Guys Dig The Long Ball Too...

Eric Hinske hit the 100th home run of his career last night against Roy Halladay and the Blue Jays. I found it rather fitting that Hinske reached the milestone in Toronto, where it all began, where it all went so wrong, and where he is lustily booed.

I can't imagine Hinske gets booed at any other ball parks. Nobody other than the fans in Toronto really give a shit about him. And we don't boo him because he spurned us, talked ill of the team, or ill of the fans. We boo him because he sucks. We boo him because he's Shitske.

As I watched Hinske club home run number 100 to deep centre field, and later learned that the Jays were shut out, I reached a new personal low as a fan of the 2008 Jays. I actually wished, just for an instant, that Hinske were still around and wearing Toronto digs.

I apologize fellow Jays fans, for there really is no excuse. A moment of sincere weakness is all I can attribute it to. I feel dirty inside and out, I really do, but Hinske's got 15 home runs and 47 RsBI. I know, he's only batting .255, but it's the power that I want. The power that I miss.

I miss the long ball. The saying goes that "chicks dig the long ball," but guys like me dig the long ball too, dammit. The Jays have hit only 75 all year, good for second last in the American League. Ironically, the Minnesota Twins are last in the AL with only 73 round trippers, yet they're playing .557 baseball, and are only a half game out of the Central Division lead. Fuck me. Isn't life wonderful?

You know, it's not as if Hinske is ripping shit up with his 15 home runs. It's a decent amount. A middle of the road amount. But it's just that those 15 are as many as Scott Rolen and Lyle Overbay combined. With three to spare. And that hurts my soul.

It has been a difficult season for me as a Jays fan. A roller coaster ride. A frustrating experience of watching the team take a few steps forward, and then a few more steps backward. Buoyed by A.J. Burnett's efforts on Monday night, I was looking forward to Roy Halladay ensuring that the Jays would win this three game set with the Rays.

Didn't happen. Shut down by Matt Garza, and another sublime effort from Doc wasted in the process. Say what you want about the Rays, and I've poo-pooed on them for a long, long time, but they improved to 3-0 against Halladay this season. Based on that statistic alone, I'm beginning to believe they are for real. They've got one hell of a lineup, and that Evan Longoria fellow is having a bonerific rookie campaign.

I'll be the first to admit that Matt Garza has pitched well for Tampa Bay this season - he came into the game with a very respectable 3.83 ERA - but I'm still adding him to my list of pitchers who have no business dominating the Blue Jays, and who have done just that. The list is, most unfortunately, growing rather lengthy. There's no way Matt fucking Garza should be coming into our house and throwing a complete game, five-hitter, on only 106 pitches.

In order to now win the series, the Jays need a magical performance this afternoon from 28-year-old Vancouver boy Scott Richmond. Don't worry, it's only his first start in the big leagues.

The trade deadline is tomorrow afternoon, and Gregg Zaun officially wants out of Toronto. Not surprising, since he doesn't play much. It's also a little surprising that he doesn't, you know, play much. Rod Barajas' on-base percentage has dipped to .298, and that's pretty brutal. He's walked only 10 times in 226 at-bats all season.

I know Rowdy Rod is better at throwing out runners, and can hit for more power, but Zaun's sporting a tidy .349 OBP in 181 at-bats, which is good for third on the team. With Barajas lately really putting the "shit" in "shitting the bed," Zaun's right, he should have been playing more.

Anyway, J.P. Ricciardi said the whole issue with Zaun being dealt is that, uhm, nobody wants him. I think that might pose a problem. Yes, a slight problem.

For more on Zaun, Barajas' suckage, and Doc's brutal run support in games that he loses (it's 1.60 runs, and that also hurts my soul), check out Mike Wilner's most recent excellent bloggage. "Garzafied Again" indeed, Monsieur Wilner.

A. JAY Burnett

It was billed as possibly his final start in a Toronto Blue Jays uniform. If it was, he went out in style. But it won't be. The Jays have their sights set on the wild card, and A.J. Burnett's sticking around for the ride.

I must admit, I am quite enamored by these developments. I've become rather fond of good old A.J.

I took in the game last night from the ridiculously cheap 500 level at the Dome, and Burnett was well worth the $9 ticket price. He was at his filthy best. He struck out the side in the first inning and booked a free slice of pizza for the fans after only the first three frames. He finished with 10 Ks and allowed only one run. And it was unearned, to boot.

A $9, third-row seat in the upper deck, and a free slice of pizza. It doesn't get much better than that, folks.

If Burnett hasn't won you over yet, I fear he never will. The guy pitched his tail off again last night. He got into some trouble on a few occasions, and dealt with a brutal call by the third-base umpire, but he battled. He made big pitches and big plays, like picking off Eric Hinske at first base, when he needed them. A.J.'s now got as many wins - 12 - as that Roy Halladay guy. And that Halladay guy is supposedly pretty damn good.

For more on the recent exploits of Burnett, check out Mike Wilner's blog.

For the first time as a Blue Jay, Burnett's healthy, he's chucking, and he's winning. That's the bottom line. Sure, the opt-out in his contract looms large, but we can't worry about it anymore. He's not being traded. We've got a pennant race to worry about now.

Now I know we're six and a half games out, but fuck it feels good to write that.

We've got a pennant race to worry about now.

The offence didn't deliver much support last night (shocking!), but A.J., along with my main men out of the bullpen, Scott Downs and B.J. Ryan, made sure it was enough. It was a huge win against Tampa Bay and James Shields, who has dominated the Blue Jays this season, and pitched well again yesterday.

Doc's on the mound tonight. I'm thinking two out three. Definitely two out of three. Hell, maybe even a sweep. Go big or go home, right?

Right.

I'm thinking playoffs.

What Happened To Mashing Lefties?

Mere hours after I sang the praises of our beloved Blue Jays, they delivered a serious stinker. I can't say I'm surprised. We were up against a southpaw after all.

I guess we were due for a loss. Hell, I probably jinxed the boys. Sometimes, actually more often than not, I need to just shut the fuck up and enjoy the good times.

Seattle's Jarrod Washburn turned the Jays hitters into his personal bitches. Again. It was his second win against Toronto in three starts this season. He's held the Jays to only four earned runs in 20 innings. That's, uh, pretty good.

Washburn was on point this afternoon. He went eight innings strong, and gave up only four hits. The only hit of significance the Jays could muster off of him was a solo shot by the home run hitting machine known as John McDonald. It was Mac's first home run of the season. Hey, he's only five behind Scott Rolen!

Rolen has six home runs. In 80 games. Oh my, that is depressing.

So, what happened to that lefty-mashing lineup the Jays were supposed to have? Their record dropped to 10-18 against left-handed starters and it's one of the main reasons they keep scuffling around the .500 mark. With a predominantly right-handed hitting lineup, the Jays were supposed to dominate lefties. I mean, baseball is all percentages, right? I shouldn't be surprised. Nothing ever goes the way it's supposed to. But still, I'm surprised.

In contrast, the Jays have a more than respectable 43-34 record against righties. If they were 18-10 against lefties, which they should be, the Jays would be right where we all think they should be: in the heat of the race. Tampa Bay, the Massholes down in Boston, and the douchebags in New York all own better than .500 records against lefties.

It's frustrating, and extremely disappointing.

Back to Scott Rolen, and some happy thoughts, for a second. Yeah, the guy has forgotten how to hit, but he's marvelous over at the hot corner, isn't he? Sportsnet's Jamie Campbell commented today that he can't recall Rolen making one bad throw over to first base this season. I would have to agree with him. I really can't recall one. What about you? If it has happened, I wasn't tuning in that night.

It's only a formality that Rolen will win another gold glove award come season's end. His fielding percentage and zone rating are both tops amongst third basemen in the American League.

It doesn't matter whether Rolen is bare-handing a slow ground ball or a bunt, making a sweet grab on a hard hit ground ball down the line, or ranging deep to his left or right, his throw is always right on the money. Lyle Overbay must love Scotty Rolen. In all my years of Blue Jays fandom, I don't recall ever seeing a more prolific fielding third baseman than Rolen. And he's only been here a few months. The guy is a machine, and a pure joy to watch. Now, about his hitting...

If the Jays really wanted to convince me and others that they were ready to make the leap to contender from pretender, they would have came out today and torched Washburn. I mean really torched him. Enough to make the Yankees think twice about acquiring him.

Here come the Rays for a huge three game set, beginning tomorrow night. I think I might have to make my way down to the SkyDome, sit in right field, and heckle the living shit out of Eric Hinske. A.J. Burnett will be on the mound tomorrow, and Doc takes the hill on Tuesday. Anything less than two out of three against Tampa might just have me reaching, officially, for the white flag.

I hope the Jays were pumping "It's Not My Time" in the clubhouse after the game because from here on out, the losses have to be few and far between.

Come on boys. Stay alive.

Same. Old. Bullshit.

So much for the Blue Jays starting the unofficial second half of the baseball season with a win. Instead, it was the same old bullshit from the Jays hitters, who can't score any God (is "God" supposed to be capitalized?) damn runs and keep wasting gems from their starting pitchers.

Well, they scored one run, but, fuck. One isn't good enough.

This one hurts, it really does. And the following post is profanity laced because of it.

Before I start the curseage, I've got to tip my hat to A.J. Burnett, who took the mound again and pitched another beauty. Seven innings, six strikeouts, only five hits and two earned runs allowed. Yet he takes the loss. Because he made one mistake. And because the Jays' offence is so fucking pathetic, it cost him.

It's got to be tough to be a starting pitcher on this Jays team, knowing that you have little to no margin for error. Knowing that you have an offence that is, on most nights, not capable of bailing you out. It has got to be incredibly frustrating for each and every member of that Jays pitching staff to watch. If it frustrates the fuck out of me, it must frustrate the fuck out of them even more.

And who the fuck is Ben Zobrist? While Burnett did pitch a gem and is going to allow some runs while he's out there, he walked Eric Hinske before allowing the two-run, game winning, home run to Zobrist.

You don't walk Eric Hinske. Ever. Let him beat you. He is a sac of shit. Damn Shitskie. Ugh. And Zobrist with a two-run shot? Brutal. Zobrist now has four home runs on the season. That's as many as Alex Rios has.

Of course, after relinquishing their one-nothing lead, the Jays had a splendid chance to tie up the game in the 8th inning. Lind was standing on second base with nobody out, thanks to an error by said douchebag Zobrist. He was sacrificed splendidly - well, as splendid as a sacrifice bunt can be - to third by Joe Inglett. One out, a runner 90 feet from home, and the Jays couldn't get get it done. As per the usual.

You have to score that fucking run. Have to. This is Major League God damn baseball. Straight fundamentals should bring that run home. All I'm asking for is a sacrifice fucking fly. Marco Scutaro grounds out to first, and Alex Rios strikes out. Game over.

If last night was the only Blue Jays game you watched all season, it was a shining example of the '08 Jays. A wonderful pitching performance by the starter, nurseage of a small lead, blowage of said lead, and the inability to score runs. It is absolutely unacceptable that Lind did not score in the eighth inning. Especially in a game against the Rays, whom the Jays are chasing for the wild card, and whom the Jays are now 1-6 against this summer. One and six against the Devil Rays. Jesus. Where's the fucking urgency, fellas?

I'm one of the few who has yet to throw in the towel on the Jays season. Yes, that may very well be because I'm an idiot, but, well, go fuck yourself. But it's hard not to be on the brink after last night. And people wonder why Roy Halladay is frustrated. His comments were not surprising, not in the least. Doc's a competitor and he wants to win. This Jays team, and their inability to get it done, must be eating him up inside, like Kramer when he punched his idol Mickey Mantle (I tried to find the YouTube link to the clip but, unfortunately, it does not exist).

I'm also pretty fed up with Rios and his awful plate appearances. Yes, he's been better since Cito took over, but this season has been a massive, massive disappointment for him and, in accordance, me. I know home runs aren't everything, but four? Four home runs? Seriously? Fuck. Even Lind, who's played 24 games to Rios' 90, now has four, after his jack last night.

And, no, I refuse to give Rays starting pitcher James Sheilds any credit for his performance last night. None. Fuck it. Sure, he held the Jays to only one run - the solo jack by Lind - but the Jays have been schooled on too many nights by too many pitchers for me to believe that another pitcher shut down the Jays offence. The Jays hitters simply stink, and are beating themselves. Useless fucks.

I need a drink. Ok, you're right, I need another drink.

Deep Thoughts Vol. 7: All-Star Edition

The midsummer classic is upon us once again, which means half the excruciatingly long baseball season is already over. Which also means it's time for some deep thoughts. On the local nine, and the rest of the major's.

- If yesterday was indeed a trade showcase, A.J. Burnett did the Blue Jays a huge solid. He dominated the NY Yankees, whom even Jesus apparently hates, Halladay style, while taking the mound on only three days rest and a hard pitch count. It was a most clutch performance, and if it was his last in a Toronto uni, he sure as hell went out on top.

Believe it or not, Burnett's got 10 wins, good for third in the American League (he's tied with six others). That's more than guys like Josh Beckett, Justin Verlander, Mark Buehrle, Chien-Ming Wang, Felix Hernandez, John Lackey, and Eric Bedard. I know, a bunch of those cats have spent time on the disabled list, but that's the point. A.J.'s healthy, and he's winning games.

With Dustin McGowan on the shelf with a torn rotator cuff, perhaps J.P. Ricciardi, or "Godcciardi" as sager from at Out Of Left Field calls him, should think twice about dealing the enigmatic A.J.

Shaun Marcum's still a couple of weeks away from joining the rotation, McGowan's out for the foreseeable future (if not the rest of the season), and Jesse Litsch is doing his best Josh Towers impression the last little while. Dealing Burnett would really, well, fuck up the rotation. After yesterday's performance, I'm all for keeping A.J.

Yes, that's all it took, one gem against the Yankees on three days rest...

- Toronto heads into the all-star break nine games out of first in the AL East, and 8.5 behind Tampa Bay for the wild card. About a week and a half ago, the Jays were 14 games behind in the AL East. This season is not over. We're going to need A.J. more than ever down the stretch. Seriously J.P., don't trade him. He's fun to watch. It's always a pleasure wondering which A.J. will show up every fifth day...

- The real Tampa Bay Devil Rays are back in the building, and it's about fucking time. They've lost seven in a row, and saw the Red Sox take back first place yesterday. All is right in the world once again, my friends...

- The Jays are 12-9 since Cito Gaston and co. made their return to the dugout. That's .570 baseball. I'll take it, but they'll have to play even better - actually, much better - if they want to make a run at the playoffs...

- Remember, all I want from the Jays this season is meaningful baseball in September. That doesn't mean a playoff appearance...

- Cito's goal was to have the Jays at .500 by the all-star break. They missed by one game: 47-48. Considering the boys took five out of six against the Orioles and Yankees, and that Litsch was spotted a 4-1 lead against the Yanks on Saturday which he blew, I'll take it...

- Gaston is a rudey...

- If the Jays played in the National League's West division, their 47-48 record would be good for, you guessed it, first place. Stupid geographical divisions...

- Much has been made of Toronto's 15-21 record in one-run ball games. Yes, it's bad, but we've got nothing on the Atlanta Braves, who are 5-22 in games decided by only a run. Yikes...

- The Chicago Cubs, playing .600 ball, are the best team in baseball. It's been exactly 100 years since they last won the World Series (and I thought we Leafs fans had it bad). Could this finally be their year?...

- The Jays have hit 65 home runs this season, good for 29th in the 30 team league. At the all-star break last season, the Jays had hit 101 home runs. A little power outage, please...

- Toronto's team ERA of 3.63 is third-best in the American League and in all of baseball. The pitching has been phenomenal all season long. It's really a damn shame these lads can't hit because, wow, what a pitching staff...

- Baltimore's Aubrey Huff has more home runs (18) than Alex Rios (4), Lyle Overbay (6), and Scott Rolen (6) combined. With two to fucking spare. Unreal...

- The Jays are the only team in the American League without a home run hitter in double figures. Vernon Wells and Matt Stairs lead the team with 9 jacks each...

- This post is depressing...

- While his power numbers are way, way, way, way, way, down, Alex Rios is running crazy on the basepaths. He's already swiped 23 bags, good for fifth in the AL, and should be aiming for 40. Pure thievery! Run to your hearts content, Alex. God knows the Jays need to manufacture as many runs as humanly possible...

- Tampa Bay is 16 games above .500...

- Seriously. Tampa Bay. Sixteen games. Above .500...

- Remember Eric Hinske? Of course you do. The Tampa Bay "slugger" has 14 home runs, 45 RsBI, and an .873 OPS. No Blue Jay, save for Vernon Wells and his 42 RsBI, comes close to those numbers. Eric fucking Hinske. I can't help but look down and shake my head in complete disgust...

- Not to make excuses, but injuries have fucked with the Jays, again, this year. Here's a rundown of guys who have spent time on the disabled list: B.J. Ryan, Jeremy Accardo, Scott Rolen, Vernon Wells (twice), David Eckstein, John McDonald, Brian Wolfe, Aaron Hill, Gregg Zaun, and Shaun Marcum. That ain't right...

- As much as Doc deserves to start tomorrow's all-star game, I think with it being in Yankee Stadium and all, Mariano Rivera should do the honour. That would be pretty sweet...

- I'm calling Canadian Justin Morneau to win tonight's home run derby. That short porch in right field is going to be his bitch...