It's Official: I'm Depressed

The onset of winter has me, once again, questioning why I live in this God forsaken city. I hate when Mother Nature whores it up tundra style in fucking November. To add to my malaise, it's official: Manny Ramirez will not become a Toronto Blue Jay this winter.

The dream is dead. J.P. Ricciardi killed it. I know, it was the longest of long shots to begin with and, deep down, I knew it wasn't going to happen. But, well, still. I could have done without J.P. flat out saying "We won't be involved with Manny," and completely ruining my Thursday afternoon. Asshole.

Alright, so Manny won't be donning powder blue. But J.P. will sign one of Jason Giambi or Milton Bradley instead, right?

Apparently not. We're not going after those guys either. 

This is where I get confused. I hate Jason Giambi. With a passion. I hate his steroid-abusing ways, and the fact that he only came clean after he got caught. I hate the stache. I hate that he was a Yankee. But I'd welcome him to Toronto with open arms. That's how much I want his bat (that's what she said).

The same goes for Milton Bradley. The man is a lunatic, but I can't say no to that 2008 163 OPS+.

J.P. Ricciardi certainly has more will power than I.

OK, the kids, Adam Lind and Travis Snider, will play left field and DH. That's cool. All part of the plan. J.P. will use the money he's got at his disposal and plug some holes in the rotation via free agency. Brad Penny, perhaps. Or Derek Lowe. A flier on Jon Garland. Maybe even Pedro Martinez, or Randy Johnson.

Right?

Wrong. None of those guys are on J.P.'s radar. Nobody is. Clearly J.P.'s radar is broken because he's got to be shitting me when he says that he, the Jays, and, by cause and effect, me, are going to be sitting out the free agent frenzy. 

There is one, uh, minor exception. A contract, on lovely Blue Jays stationary and worth $54 million over four years, is currently lost amongst more lucrative offers atop A.J. Burnett's agent's desk. But I simply can't imagine Burnett signing on Toronto's dotted line. He'll take more money, and a chance to play with Derek Jeter, and Mariano Rivera, in the new Yankee Stadium. No hard feelings. I'd take the fattest cheque, too.

I do truly wish for Burnett to stay in the AL East. I want the Jays to face him. A lot. I want the Jays to beat him. I want Roy Halladay to beat him. Ideally, I want him to watch Toronto make the playoffs. And I want to watch him inevitably hit the disabled list (seriously, no hard feelings).

If it were up to me, I'd take all that A.J. money, plus some more, pack it in suitcases, and show up at ManRam's door. Make like Jerry Maguire, you know, and show him the money. Make him an offer he can't refuse.

J.P.'s got to do something. A winter watching on the sidelines is not acceptable, and will not be tolerated. It just might make Richard Griffin's head explode. 

For once, I find myself hoping that Ricciardi is actually lying this time.

Thank You Johnny Damon

I would like to take this opportunity to thank New York Yankees douchebag outfielder Johnny Damon for his shocking inability to catch routine fly balls at the Major League level.

Thank you, Johnny Damon. Thank you for sucking so incredibly.

Damon made sure A.J. Burnett got his 16th win last night. I was at the ball game and, trust me, Burnett deserved it. It might have been his finest performance in a Blue Jays uniform; five hits scattered over eight strong innings, one walk, and 13 punch outs. A.J. struck out Damon, Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez and Jason Giambi a combined 10 times. That's domination, folks, plain and simple.

Burnett's now third in all of baseball in wins and strikeouts. He could win 20 games and, boy, wouldn't that be something? It's a damn shame every year can't be a contract year.

Props out to Adam Lind for his game-tying home run in the 7th inning off Yankees starter Darrel Rasner, who was bitch slapping the Jays up until that point. For the record, I prophetically called the Lind home run. And I've got a witness. It might have been the beer talking but, hey, you can call me Navstradamus from here on out.

Do you want to know how sick Adam Lind is? No, do you really want to know? Check this out, jack, from the charming fellas over at The Southpaw.

Props out to Lyle Overbay and B.J. Ryan as well. Overbay made a helluva play on A-Rod in the 9th, gunning him down at second as he tried to stretch a bloop single into a double. Overbay's been a disappointment at the plate (who hasn't?), but I've still got man-love for Lyle. And The Beej picked up his 24th save on the year, getting A-Rod, Giambi and Xavier Nady in the 9th.

I figured the Jays would struggle to put runs on the board last night, coming off that ridiculous 15-run explosion at Fenway Park on Sunday, and they did. But thanks to Damon's misadventures out in centre field, we got the 2-1 win, and that's all that matters.

The series, and one huge week of baseball, continues tonight. Make me proud, David Purcey.

.500

The Toronto Blue Jays continue to dance with mediocrity, and in the process are testing my patience. After dropping two of three to the lowly Seattle Mariners, I'm almost at my breaking point.

It's been an incredibly frustrating two and a half months of the season so far, and I must confess that I've got a good reason as to why I haven't been blogging about the trials and tribulations of our beloved feathered flock as often as I should. My excuse? I've been reading so many of the fine Blue Jays blogs that exist on the interweb. I'm too lazy to link to them in the post but you know which ones I'm talking about. The usual suspects: The Southpaw, The Tao of Stieb, The Mockingbird, Miked Up, Jeff Blair's Globe on Baseball, and the thullards at DJF. Check the blogroll, player.

Anyway, that doesn't mean I haven't been watching the birds closely. Trust me, I have, and they're really pushing my buttons.

After a tough west coast road trip followed by a stop in the Bronx the Jays returned home last Friday for what was to be a soft spot in their schedule, three dates each with the Baltimore Orioles and Seattle Mariners. The worst team in the league Seattle Mariners.

I went to the ball game last Friday night with a colleague from work who happens to be an Orioles fan. Yes, they do exist. Shaun Marcum pitched a gem and handed the bullpen a 4-0 lead which they proceeded to fuck up royally. Let's just say I left the Rogers Centre an unhappy man. Inebriated, but unhappy nonetheless. It was a solemn ride home on the TTC.

On top of Friday's debacle, I was still perturbed by what happened last Thursday in the series finale with the Yankees. The Jays squandered leads of 7-2 (7-fucking-2!) and 8-6, culminating in a monster walk-off home run by the titan of douchebags Jason "Dirty Stache" Giambi. Hopefully the Giambi nightmares will stop soon.

The Jays finished their road trip 4-5, dropped two of three to the Orioles and only managed to beat the pathetic Mariners once in three tries after suffering a 2-1 defeat in yesterday afternoon's finale.

The Mariners? Seriously? What the fuck?

Seattle came into the series with a 22-41 record, the third-worst ERA in the American League (4.67), and only eight wins on the road. Yet the Jays made them look like pennant winners. The Jays "offense" - and I use the term lightly - managed a putrid six runs in the three game set. On Tuesday night, down a single run in the 10th inning, the Jays loaded the bases twice but couldn't plate a run. Yesterday the Jays wasted another gem of an outing from Shaun Marcum and again, of course, failed to capitalize with runners in scoring position. The frustrating matinee affair was a microcosm of the 2008 season: great pitching, opportunities to cash runners in, and an incredible lack of execution.

And what the hell is wrong with BJ Ryan? He walked another two batters yesterday, his fourth free pass in his last inning and two thirds, and took the loss for the third time in five appearances. Ryan was lights out in May and deserves mad respect for how he's come off the Tommy John, but it looks like he's hit a wall. He is seriously scuffling out there. I wasn't concerned last week when he blew back-to-back saves - shit happens - but I'm officially worried now.

If BJ's not healthy, or is feeling the slightest effects from the Tommy John surgery, he shouldn't be out there. Who does he think he is, Darcy Tucker?

Much has been made of the Jays struggles. They're hitting for average, they're getting on base, but they just can't score runs. And boy are they ever hitting into a ton of double plays. It's laughable.

Vernon Wells fractured his wrist May 9 in Cleveland and was inserted back into the lineup on June 7th. He's driven in three runs since his return and still leads Toronto with 27 RsBI. Alex Rios and Lyle Overbay are tied for second on the team with 25, and they've played 25 more games than Vernon. I'm not sure whether that makes me want to cry or laugh. Such ineptitude is only matched by perennial doormats the Washington Nationals. Ryan Zimmerman leads the Nats with 27 RsBI and he last played on May 25.

On the flipside, the pitching staff has been phenomenal. Both the rotation and the bullpen. Both have been at or near the top of the league all season. Halladay's already thrown over 100 innings, Jesse Litsch has seven wins (!), Dustin McGowan is unhittable at home, and Shaun Marcum should be going to the all-star game next month. For the record, I am in love with Shaun Marcum. Scott Downs, Jesse Carlson, Brian Tallet, and BJ Ryan, up until last week, have been pretty much lights out in the pen. One cannot ask for more from the mound.

On an aside, Scott Rolen is the greatest defensive third basemen the Toronto Blue Jays have ever employed. Greatest. Ever. Wow.

And the gentlemen over at The Southpaw have long been calling for Adam Lind to take over left field. At first I was all for a combination of Shannon Stewart, Kevin Mench, and Brad Wilkerson to play left field, but enough is enough. What's the point? The Jays are a .500 team and I'd rather be a .500 team with Adam Lind than any of those three in the lineup. It's that simple. Get Lind up here, JP. Please.

I think everyone would agree that the Jays are better than their .500 record. And, no, it's not fucking John Gibbons' fault. It's not his fault his players can't execute the fundamentals. No, it's not. Stop it.

The Jays are off today and welcome the first-place Chicago Cubs to town tomorrow. We're seven games behind the Red Sox, and five behind the wild-card leading Tampa Bay Rays. Yep, the Rays. I know, I don't believe it either. It's time to pull up the socks before we get left behind.

Baseball's a funny game. You can't coach or teach execution. Toronto's 10-16 record in one-run ball games, worst in the league, is most to blame for their current predicament. Jeff Blair is right, with all the excuses these guys are beginning to sound a lot like the Maple Leafs. Something has got to give...