November 21, 2008
The onset of winter has me, once again, questioning why I live in this God forsaken city. I hate when Mother Nature whores it up tundra style in fucking November. To add to my malaise, it's official: Manny Ramirez will not become a Toronto Blue Jay this winter.
The dream is dead. J.P. Ricciardi killed it. I know, it was the longest of long shots to begin with and, deep down, I knew it wasn't going to happen. But, well, still. I could have done without J.P. flat out saying "We won't be involved with Manny," and completely ruining my Thursday afternoon. Asshole.
Alright, so Manny won't be donning powder blue. But J.P. will sign one of Jason Giambi or Milton Bradley instead, right?
Apparently not. We're not going after those guys either.
This is where I get confused. I hate Jason Giambi. With a passion. I hate his steroid-abusing ways, and the fact that he only came clean after he got caught. I hate the stache. I hate that he was a Yankee. But I'd welcome him to Toronto with open arms. That's how much I want his bat (that's what she said).
The same goes for Milton Bradley. The man is a lunatic, but I can't say no to that 2008 163 OPS+.
J.P. Ricciardi certainly has more will power than I.
OK, the kids, Adam Lind and Travis Snider, will play left field and DH. That's cool. All part of the plan. J.P. will use the money he's got at his disposal and plug some holes in the rotation via free agency. Brad Penny, perhaps. Or Derek Lowe. A flier on Jon Garland. Maybe even Pedro Martinez, or Randy Johnson.
Wrong. None of those guys are on J.P.'s radar. Nobody is. Clearly J.P.'s radar is broken because he's got to be shitting me when he says that he, the Jays, and, by cause and effect, me, are going to be sitting out the free agent frenzy.
There is one, uh, minor exception. A contract, on lovely Blue Jays stationary and worth $54 million over four years, is currently lost amongst more lucrative offers atop A.J. Burnett's agent's desk. But I simply can't imagine Burnett signing on Toronto's dotted line. He'll take more money, and a chance to play with Derek Jeter, and Mariano Rivera, in the new Yankee Stadium. No hard feelings. I'd take the fattest cheque, too.
I do truly wish for Burnett to stay in the AL East. I want the Jays to face him. A lot. I want the Jays to beat him. I want Roy Halladay to beat him. Ideally, I want him to watch Toronto make the playoffs. And I want to watch him inevitably hit the disabled list (seriously, no hard feelings).
If it were up to me, I'd take all that A.J. money, plus some more, pack it in suitcases, and show up at ManRam's door. Make like Jerry Maguire, you know, and show him the money. Make him an offer he can't refuse.
J.P.'s got to do something. A winter watching on the sidelines is not acceptable, and will not be tolerated. It just might make Richard Griffin's head explode.
For once, I find myself hoping that Ricciardi is actually lying this time.