Sean Avery, everyone's favourite douchebag, took his act to Dallas over the summer. He made his return to New York Monday night, and was at his Avery best during his post-game interview.
So, he gets in Brandon Dubinsky's face, and calls Rangers back-up goalie Stephen Valiquette a "minor leaguer." (You know, a "minor leaguer" who beat the Leafs twice last season, and who has already shut us out this season. Just saying.) Then, apparently, Avery gets into it with the Rangers' colour man.
My point is, just imagine a full season of Sean Avery and the Toronto Maple Leafs media. Worlds would have collided. Oh, the fun it would have been. Think about it, Damien Cox didn't get along with Darcy Tucker. Imagine the living hell Avery would have put him through. To read the hatred Cox would have spewed towards Avery, day in and day out, would have been worth it alone.
I still think we should have signed Avery, or at least tried to. He would have made a plucky Toronto team even tougher to play against and, more importantly, Damien Cox's life miserable. And, really, at the end of the day, isn't that we all want?
* Hat tip to Greg Wyshynski at Puck Daddy for the Avery video and link. They're good people over there, check 'em out if you don't already.
For the record, I'd like to say that I am not a big fan of the timeless art of the fist pump. I've never really enjoyed Tiger's, I hate Nadal's, Sean Avery looks like a complete douche when he does his thing, and Danielle Briere, who has employed the fist pumpage after every single goal he has ever scored in his life (even empty net goals), has ruined the fist pump for me forever.
As for Blake, one of the few, if not only, fist pumpers on the Leafs, my man just needs a quick lesson. A fist pump refresher, you know? We all forget sometimes. No big deal.
So, Jason, the next time the Maple Leafs are down 5-0 and you score a power play goal, which happens to be a tap-in into an empty net because the goaltender is out of position, please use your mother fucking brain and refrain from the fist pump celebration. I know, you're excited, you're a cancer survivor, and you're probably just happy to be alive. I get that. I too am happy for you. In the negative hell hole which has become Leafs Nation, I'm one of your biggest supporters. I even picked you in my hockey pool, that's how much faith I've got in you.
But, please, the next time you want to use the fist pump, first think about the score. It matters. In fact, I would love it if you could do me a solid and save the fist pump for only game-tying or game winning goals, in the third period or later. Thanks man.
That's it. I told you, just a quick refresher.
What about you, are you a fan of the fist pump? Do you use it when you score on the ice, or in the bedroom? Are you looking to spruce up your fist pump, or add it to your repertoire? This might help. Good luck, and Godspeed.
You know, I've been thinking. If Mats Sundin returns, and the Maple Leafs dip into the free agent market and get him some help, perhaps the Leafs can contend in the Eastern Conference as early as next season.
I'm thinking playoffs. Yes, I'm serious. No, really. Hear me out. But remember, it all depends on what Sundin decides to do. If he doesn't return, all bets are off.
I love July 1st. Not only is it a holiday thanks to Canada Day, it's also the day the NHL's free agency period opens up. July 1st is capitalism at its finest, man. Supply is always low, and demand is always high.
The big day is finally upon us, and here's my wish list:
1) Mats Sundin
You all know where I stand on the big Swede. I won't be mad if he leaves, but first and foremost I want him to stay a Maple Leaf.
2) Curtis Joseph
Cujo has been rumoured for the vacant backup goalie job, and I'm all over that. By helping Canada win the Spengler Cup and playing some solid hockey for the Calgary Flames in the playoffs, Cujo proved he's still got some hockey left in his 42-year-old body. While I was pissed that he bolted for Detroit a few years ago, I'd love nothing more than for him to come and finish his career in Toronto.
An actual NHL-calibre backup goalie - none of this Andrew Raycroft garbage of the last two years - will do wonders for the Maple Leafs. Think about it: the Leafs totalled 83 points last season and Raycroft won only two of the 16 games he started in goal. If Raycroft won six more games and finished with eight wins, the Leafs would have finished tied with the Philadelphia Flyers with 95 points. I know, Raycroft sucks. That's why he's gone. I have no doubt Curtis Joseph can eclipse Raycroft's stellar .125 winning percentage.
3) Sean Avery
With Darcy Tucker no longer part of the team, I think it makes all the more sense to try and land the 28-year-old Sean Avery. He's proved his worth as a hockey player, and a douchebag, over the last two years with the New York Rangers, and would go a long way in making the Maple Leafs a tougher team to play against. I don't care if you don't like him. I was never a big fan of Darcy Tucker. Until he became a Maple Leaf.
Make it happen, Uncle Cliff. Show Avery the money. I have no problem paying Avery $4 or $4.5 million a season. That seems to be the going rate for a guy who can score 20 goals and put up 45 to 50 points.
4) Kristian Huselius
Huselius really came into his own over the last two seasons in Calgary. He put up 77 points in 2006/2007 and put up 66 points last season while finding himself constantly in Mike Keenan's doghouse. He's moving on from the Flames and why not Toronto? The Swede will be 30 in November and I'm picturing him playing on the top line with Sundin and Nik Antropov.
I suspect he'll command over $5 million. I think he'd be overpaid at that salary, but such is the reality of free agency (hello, Jason Blake). You've got to overpay to get what you want. At the end of the day Huselius has decent finish and decent playmaking abilities, and could be a solid addition to a Leafs team in need of scoring help.
5) Brad Stuart
While it would be pretty sweet to add a defender like Brian Campbell, I think the Leafs need to be thinking more along the lines of the unassuming Brad Stuart, who will turn 29 in early November.
I've heard he wants to head back to California but I'm hoping Fletcher gives his people a call. Stuart was a rock for the Detroit Red Wings after they picked him up at the trade deadline, and finished the playoffs with a +15 rating.
I'm not sure what the hell is going to happen with Bryan McCabe, but a Leafs defence core with both McCabe and Stuart could look something like this:
Pavel Kubina & Tomas Kaberle Bryan McCabe & Carlo Colaiacovo Brad Stuart & Anton Stralman
Ian White would be the odd man out, but you've got to admit the above defence core looks good. Bringing in Stuart would also mean that the recently drafted Luke Schenn isn't rushed in his development.
I think Stuart will command $3 to $3.5 million on the market, and is well worth that type of dough.
Remember, the Leafs put up 83 points last season with: a beer league backup goalie, an injured and therefore mostly ineffective Darcy Tucker, Jason Blake scoring only 15 goals on a .045 shooting percentage, a useless Kyle Wellwood, a useless Bryan McCabe, a Jekyll and Hyde Pavel Kubina, and a number one goalie in Vesa Toskala who didn't get truly comfortable until December.
If the Leafs are active on the market today and can add a few of the names I've mentioned above - most importantly Mats Sundin - I think the roster will be in decent shape. With a new coach in Ron Wilson who is more focused on defence and penalty killing, you're damn right I'm thinking playoffs. Anything else would be uncivilized.
Now general manager extraordinaire Cliff Fletcher has just got to make it all happen.
Do you hear that? Over in la belle provence? That's the collective "Uh-Oh" coming from the good folks in Montreal after Carey Price channeled his inner Andrew Raycroft last night in Philadelphia, allowing three goals on only 12 shots.
More and more is Price beginning to look like the 20-year-old kid he is. The pressure in the Stanley Cup playoffs is immense and Philadelphia is a tough building to play in.
Here's what I wrote back on April 3: "I think, and hope, the Canadiens end up regretting trading (Cristobal) Huet instead of keeping him as insurance for the playoffs."
Dreams, my friends, can come true. With the Flyers now up two-to-one over Montreal, I can't help but think of Happy Gilmore headbutting Bob Barker and telling him: "The price is wrong, bitch." Best. Cameo. Appearance. Ever.
Still on the Flyers/Habs series, is Darian Hatcher not the biggest doofus in the NHL? His hit from behind on Francis Bouillon was bush-league and typical of the Philadelphia Flyers. But it takes a special type of moron to do it in the third period with his team up three-nothing. Hatcher single-handedly got the Canadiens back into the game and while I hate both teams equally, a part of me was hoping the Habs would tie it up, and even win it in overtime, so Hatcher could feel like even more of an idiot. What a douche bag. I hate Hatcher.
Here's a video called "Hitler Loves the Flyers" courtesy of Slap Shot, the New York Times hockey blog. It was made after the Habs won game one of their series with Philadelphia so while the shots at Martin Biron are clearly unwarranted today, the numerous disses thrown at Danielle Briere are simply amazing. The video is golden. Enjoy!
Seriously, how does Detroit do it? Johan Franzen, aka "The Mule," is tied for the NHL playoff goal-scoring lead with seven goals in only eight games.
So, uh, who the hell is this guy? Franzen scored 27 goals in the regular season to go along with only 11 assists. Eight of those goals were game-winners and 14 came on the power play. The guy's a sniper. To close out the regular season, Franzen scored 15 goals in Detroit's final 16 games. He's picked up right where he left off in the playoffs.
I must admit that I knew Franzen was poised for a breakout season. I picked him in the last round of my keeper league fantasy hockey pool. Sure, I dropped him after he opened the season with only one goal in 17 games, but, well, that's besides the point. I still knew.
Franzen is the next player on the long list of successful late Detroit Red Wings draft picks. He was chosen in the third round, 97th overall back in 2004.
The others? Pavel Datsyuk, drafted in the sixth round, 171st overall in 1998. Nicklas Lidstrom, drafted in the third round, 53rd overall way back in 1989. Dude's had a pretty good career, hasn't he? Valtteri Filppula, who scored 19 goals this season, was chosen in the third round, 95th overall in 2002. Look for him to have a Franzen-type breakout season next year. Tomas Holmstrom, drafted in the 10th round, 257th overall back in 1994, has forged a nice little career for himself. And, of course, Henrik Zetterberg, drafted in the 7th round, 210th overall in 1999, is only one of the NHLs best players.
Unbelievable, eh? Detroit's scouting and drafting department is the best in the NHL, no contest. If the Toronto Maple Leafs are serious about winning a Stanley Cup they should buy the Detroit scouting staff and get Ken Holland over here asap.
Speaking of douche-baggery, here's an article I've been wanting to share for a long time, courtesy of The New York Times, on the timeless art of the face wash.
Is it time to officially give the Dallas Stars some respect? First they shoot down the defending champion Anaheim Ducks in five games and then they go into San Jose and win games one and two on the road. Yeah, I think some respectage is due.
Dan Myers over at Penalty Shots thinks the Leafs should be considering, get ready for this one, Bobby Clarke for the general manager position. Clarke's career record as a GM is a sparkling 714-443-199. It's tough to argue with that record, but it's not tough to argue that Clarke is a serious douche who left one hell of a mess behind in Philadelphia. While we do have what Clarke never did in Philly - a goalie - I just don't see it happening.
The Toronto Marlies are moving on to the second round of the AHL playoffs thanks to an ugly goal by Bates Battaglia with only a minute to go in game seven last night. While I'm still losing sleep over the fact that Justin Pogge is not in net for the Marlies, Scott Clemmensen was great yesterday, making 33 saves to ensure the victory. He's keeping the hopes of a parade alive in the city of Toronto. Sad, I know, but it's all we've got.
Speaking of Toronto, when did we become the "City of Champions"? I thought Edmonton held that title? Did I miss the memo or something, because I sure as hell haven't missed any championships.
I ask because Damien Cox wrote a blog post entitled "A Tradition of, Um, Something" in which he took the city's sports teams to task for, well, sucking. He took shots at the Leafs (of course), the Toronto Rock, some OHL teams no one gives a damn about, the Raptors, Marlies, Blue Jays, and Toronto FC. Basically, anything and everything MLSE related. It's just Cox being Cox, you know, in his tradition of, um, bad sports writing.
Even though the Maple Leafs are off enjoying the marvelous spring time weather these days in Toronto (read: they're golfing), I still find myself glued to the television each night to watch playoff hockey. The playoffs are a beautiful thing.
So, how about Martin Brodeur's pure snubbage of SuperDouche Sean Avery after the Devils were eliminated on Friday night? Pretty low of Brodeur if you ask me. Well, even if you didn't ask me, I'm telling you. That's, umm, kind of the point of this blog.
Anyway, I think it (the snubbery) only proved how effective Avery was at throwing Brodeur off his game. Marty didn't have a Brodeur-type series. Far from it. He finished 1-4 with a 3.19 goals against average and an .891 save percentage and was a big reason why the Devils were dispatched so quickly in five games (I predicted the Devils to win, of course). Avery was in Marty's head, no doubt.
George Vecsey wrote an interesting column about the Avery/Brodeur drama in the New York Times. Check it out here.
On a side note, is New Jersey not home to the most pathetic fans in the entire NHL? It was shameful to see that many New York Rangers fans in attendance at all three Devils home games. It simply isn't fair that a team with a fan base as sorry as the Devils is, in recent years, a multiple Stanley Cup champion.
Back to the the point. Do you think Brodeur, regardless of Avery's childish antics, should have shaken his hand when it was all said and done? Yes, Avery is a big time motha sucka, but I think you still shake hands. It's part of the game. You go to war in a playoff series but when it's over you say "congratulations" or "good luck" and shake hands, even if it makes you sick inside to do so. Hockey's the only sport with this tradition and Brodeur should have respected it.
At the same time, it's hard to put the words "respect" and "Sean Avery" anywhere near each other. He clearly doesn't have respect for his fellow hockey players, and many argue that he doesn't have any respect for the game. It's a tough call. My brother thinks Brodeur did the right thing, while loyal SportsAndTheCity reader Karan in NYC believes Brodeur's move was classless.
At the end of the day, it's pretty much impossible to be less classy than Sean Avery. Check out his comment after the game:
What a lousy douche, I know. And yet I still want him to be a Maple Leaf (my brother thinks I am deranged). He's simply too good at what he does - it's just "Avery Being Avery" - and the Leafs, well, they need all the help they can get.
Alexander Ovechkin is back. Not that he ever really went anywhere. But he's back. He struck for two goals, and his first since game one, last night as the Washington Capitals staved off elimination once again to force a game seven with Philly tonight in D.C.
The Caps were down two-nothing in the second period yesterday and looked to be finished before they stormed back. Ovechkin bagged the game-winner with a beautiful breakaway goal. He was due. Four games without a goal for this cat is about four games too many. Pierre McGuire said it best: "How do you spell game breaker? O-V-E-C-H-K-I-N!"
The Caps have an incredibly young and inexperienced squad, but the youth dem are making Caps fans proud. Alexander Semin, Nicklas Backstrom, Mike Green (with one hell of a hip check last night) and Ovechkin have been huge. The future is bright in Washington, man (read: I am jealous as fuck). It would be a monumental comeback and here's hoping they can finish off Danielle Briere (props to PPP for that one) and the Flyers tonight.
Speaking of game seven, I think the Boston Bruins forgot they were to play in one last night. Full disclosure: I was cheering for Boston. Big time. I fully wanted the Montreal Canadiens to lose last night and blow their 3-1 series lead. It would have been pretty sweet. Look, when you're a Leafs fan and your team is on the outside looking in again, all you've got to look forward to is the demise and, preferably, the collapse, of your enemies (hahahahahahaha, Ottawa Senators, hahahahahahahahaha).
But, because I'm relatively good people, I'm still able to give credit where credit is due. And Carey Price deserves some credit. Kid was phenomenal last night, especially in the first period when the Habs came out flat. It could have easily been 3-to-1 for Boston if not for some terrific saves from Price early on. He kept his team in the game and they came out possessed in the second period, out-shooting the Bruins 17-6, outscoring them 2-0, and effectively finishing them off.
Price was calm, cool and collected in the biggest game, so far, of his NHL career. He rebounded from a couple of shaky outings and proved that he's got the perfect mentality to play goal in a city as crazy as Montreal.
Damn Price. I would have enjoyed seeing him falter, but now I only want Justin Pogge to follow in his footsteps.
And, for the record, Price might be the worst interview ever. He always looks ready to pass out and almost put me to sleep with his post-game interview last night. But, damn, he's a good goalie.
Before I leave you, I've got some links and videos to share with you. Sharing, like my mother taught me, is fun. The blogroll here at SportsAndTheCity is always growing and one blog I've subscribed to recently is Slap Shot, the New York Times hockey blog, and I urge you to check it out. I know, hockey isn't the first thing that comes to mind when you think "New York Times", but it's a pretty good blog. Trust it.
The writers of the blog are passionate hockey fans and they've been sharing with me some great videos, which I thought I'd share with you. Remember, we all benefit from the cycle of sharing. Enjoy.
Old school highlights, but still pretty awesome:
Miikka Kiprusoff's stalker:
"The Greatest Fans on Earth" (stay classy, Philadelphia):
If you were to look up "douche bag" in the (urban) dictionary, you'd find a picture of Sean Avery. He is the ultimate douche. The lowest of the low. I hate him. And that's why I want to see him become a Toronto Maple Leaf.
Avery's been all over the news for his most recent antics on Sunday night against Martin Brodeur and the New Jersey Devils. If you haven't seen Avery's latest douche-baggery, check it out, because it's pretty unbelievable what this guy is capable of.
Pretty wild shit, eh? Not only did Avery screen Brodeur in a way no player ever has before, he ended up scoring on Marty after the fact. Salt in the wounds, man. And, as the picture above indicates, there isn't a worse goal-scoring celebration out there than Avery's. Dude is incorrigible.
The only people who can stand Avery and his shenanigans are his teammates and New York Rangers fans. Avery's the type of guy everyone hates. Unless he plays for your team. Then you love him. He is Darcy Tucker, circa 1998, on steroids.
I wasn't too fond of Tucker back in those days, when he was with the Tampa Bay Lightning. I remember a game against Toronto, back in good old Maple Leaf Gardens, where Tucker took a run at Mats Sundin. Steve Thomas came to the defense of the Captain and dropped the gloves with the feisty Tucker. Suffice it to say that after that game Tucker was enemy number one around these parts. Until he was traded to Toronto. I couldn't have been happier the day he became a Maple Leaf. Once in the blue and white, Tucker quickly became one of my favourites.
As much as I hate Sean Avery, I know I'd love him in a Leafs uniform. Hell, I'd worship the cat. Admit it, you would too. We all hate the Tucker's, the Boogard's, and the Avery's until they put on the uniform we cherish. Say what you want about Avery, but he's great at what he does. Nobody can get more under the skin of his opponents than super douche Sean Avery. It's a gift. He's the type of guy you hate to play against but would love to have on your side.
On far too many nights the last three years the Maple Leafs have been way too easy to play against. Especially on home ice. Avery's presence in the Leafs lineup would change that. No one likes to play against him. He chirps and chirps and chirps, even in the pre-game warm up (as we learned back in November). Avery draws the ire of everyone around him, from coaches to players and even play-by-play announcers. He even pisses Don Cherry off, and Cherry loves a good shit disturber.
While he is by far the biggest trash-talker in the league, Avery has proven he can play. He's a major reason why New York has a 2-1 series lead over New Jersey in their quarterfinal series - Avery's scored in each game so far, one of them a game-winner, and has added an assist. Not only does Avery piss you off with his extra-curricular activities, he's all over the score sheet to boot.
Avery has tallied 48 goals in the last three regular seasons, and put up a career-high 48 points with Los Angeles and New York in 06/07. This season he scored 15 goals in 57 games. Yep, that's as many as Jason Blake potted, and in 25 fewer games.
The Rangers' record with Avery in their lineup speaks for itself. When he suits up, New York has compiled a record of 50-20-16. In the 25 games Avery missed, New York won only nine games, lost 13 in regulation time, and lost three in overtime and the shootout. He's clearly a big part of that team.
Come July 1st, Avery will be an unrestricted free agent, his services available to the highest bidder. His salary this season? Only $1.9 million. That's less than what both Mark Bell and Andrew Raycroft pulled in this season ($2 million). While Avery is due for a raise, the Leafs will have the cap space to make him an offer. Toronto desperately needs to become a tougher team to play against. Sean Avery would go a long way in doing just that.
Don't get me wrong - I hate Sean Avery. But boy would I love to see him in a Maple Leafs uniform next season...
