February 05, 2009

End Of An Era...

Do not be alarmed. That picture, by all accounts, is real. On some distant planet many, many years ago, Brad Wilkerson did, in fact, receive a curtain call. He played for some team called the "Expos." No, I don't know who the hell they are, either.

It's over, my friends. The Brad Wilkerson era in Toronto, which began on May 9, 2008, has mercifully come to an end nine agonizing months later.

Wilkerson, a free agent, is off to play terrible baseball for the Boston Red Sox, the fourth team he will inevitably let down in the last five years.

His signing, worth a base salary of $400,000, but with the potential to go as high as $2.5 million, proves that baseball actually is immune to the ills of the global financial crisis. If Wilkerson can parlay his dry-heaves inducing 2008 statistics - a .220 batting average, .308 on-base percentage, and .634 OPS - into a job during these trying economic times, well, Major League Baseball is doing just fine, thank you very much.

You know, I don't know much in life, but I am certain about one thing: my unborn son is so playing baseball.

As he packs his bags for New England, I wish Wilkerson nothing but the best. I look forward to never seeing him in a Toronto Blue Jays uniform again.

13 comments:

The Ack said...

He just couldn't bear to be seperated from his Blue Jay brother in arms, Kevin Mench, so a change of scenery was for the best.

2 players, one half of an outfielder.

So long, Mencherson. Thanks for the memories.

(true story - I very nearly ordered one of those "jersey t-shirt" dealios, customized with the #2 and "MENCHERSON" on the back. For the comedic value, of course. Then I realized it was definitely not $30 worth of comedy.)

eyebleaf said...

"Brevin Mencherson: 2 players, half an outfielder"

Now that's a fucking t-shirt, bro!

Mister TVO said...

Write something about the Orioles.

eyebleaf said...

@ Mister TVO: How much confidence do you have in your birds this year? Care to put down some dollar dollar bills (y'all)? A wager on who will finish higher in the AL East? Toss a ping-pong ball towards my cubicle if you're interested.

Uncle Al said...

Hey, watch out what you say about the Expos, pal...

Wilkerson was actually pretty good in Montreal. Saw him hit for the cycle once. He was actually the "last Expo", because he wore the sacred uniform on an MLB all-star tour of Japan in October or November 2004, the year that Bud Selig murdered the team.

And, sorry, but your unborn son isn't going to play baseball. He's going to play soccer.

So's your unborn daughter.

That's what Canadian kids do now in the summer. Baseball is for old farts.

eyebleaf said...

Uncle Al. I've been expecting you. I knew that comment about les Expos would bring you over. But I hope you know I'm kidding. One of my regrets is not heading over to the Big O to see the Spos play.

That's kind of what amazes me about Wilkerson. He used to be good. Now he's just pathetic.

Forget soccer. These MLS guys don't make any money. My kid, whether he's right handed or left, is going to know how to pitch with his left hand. I'm thinking middle relief. Good money, and not too many innings.

Lloyd the Barber said...

Brad Wilkerson's total MLB innings played in 2009: 0. Zero. Nil.

You think he's passing Rocco on the depth chart? THINK THE FUCK AGAIN

Ian H. said...

Wilkerson is only half the player without big-headed Mench.

fantasybaseballmacbookpro said...

Uncle Al - "Baseball is for old farts." Interesting comment. Question, do baseball players grab their head after being hit in the leg by a pitch? We'll leave that for soccer players.

Kevin Mench is now playing in Japan for the Hanshin Tigers. Guy won't even be a starter in Japan. How sad is that.

eyebleaf said...

@ Lloyd: You know, I wish the Jays signed Rocco, just so I could have read the epic post you would have written. Oh, what could have been...

@ Ian: What's half of nothing?

@ Fantasy: Believe it or not, Uncle Al is a big baseball fan. However, the game died to him the day the Montreal Expos shut up shop, and moved south. And, you know, I think I might understand. If the Jays folded, and moved, man, I'd be heartbroken. And bitter. And I may just not ever see the game the same way again. Re: Mench, that is pretty sad. Him and Wilkerson, man. What incredible legacies they leave behind.

Forty said...

You know it's VERY SLOW in TBJ land when you're writing about Wilkerson....

fantasybaseballmacbookpro said...

Considering the Jays just signed a Japanese player, Ken Takahashi 39, there isn't much going on in Jays land. Great signing by the Jays, this is going to give the Jays a chance to sign a future Japanese star. *a little sarcasm.

Ken Takahashi, from what I know and have seen from him, is nothing special. Only reason the Jays signed him was for two reasons. One, any Major league team offering a contract to a Japanese player will be accepted. Two, Jays wanted to start tapping the Japanese market. Yeah, like we have the money to do this.

Anyone heading to the Dome for some WBC games?

Stan the Caddy said...

He shoulda followed Mench to Japan to create a two-headed monster that hits a combined .230.