December 28, 2008

God Damn Yankees

My 82-year-old Dadima (Grandmother), out here an ocean away in Delhi, was not in the least bit surprised that the New York Yankees landed Mark Teixeira.

When I told her the news, she looked at me with a blank expression on her face and, in her limited English, said, "You are very nice boy. Very good boy. I like you."

Obviously, she was talking about me, and not Mark Teixeira, the latest baseball player to strike it rich thanks to the God damn Yankees join the dark side.

Here's an excerpt from a Gordon Edes column over at Yahoo! Sports that should make you lose your lunch:

"The Yankees will have nine players being paid $13 million or more in 2009. Those nine players - Teixeira, C.C. Sabathia, Alex Rodriguez, Derek Jeter, A.J. Burnett, Jorge Posada, Mariano Rivera, Hideki Matsui and Johnny Damon - combine for $159.1 million, more than the payroll of any other team."

Nine guys. Who account for more payroll than any other team in baseball. Hell, probably in professional sports. That right there, my friends, is why it is my duty to hate the New York Yankees. And make no mistake about it, it is your duty as well.

Would I like an owner that spends, spends, spends, spends, spends, spends, spends, spends, spends and spends some more? Of course. I'm sure you would too. But the reality is that the Toronto Blue Jays, and 28 other teams, don't, and can't, operate that way. And that's why I hate the Yankees.

The hatred, you see, stems from jealousy. And there is no cure. All I can do is continue to bitch about New York's free-spending ways.

You know, I've learned a lot in my short, two-week sojourn on the Indian subcontinent. There's nothing quite like spending time with family. One moment, in particular, stands out: my Dadima told me she hates the Yankees, too.


Ian H. said...

You should make special T-Shirts for when the Yankees come to town : "My Dadima Hates the Yankees".

Forty said...

I hope that's YOUR NYY cap burning!

wrap around curl said...

The Yankees are gonna crash in this economy. They have too.

Brendan said...

I hate people who like the Yankees who aren't from or have no connection to New York. They could be the nicest person in the world(although not likely) but if they're a Yanks fan, I'll hate them. l have the added bonus of having the hatred passed down genetically. My dad grew up in Brooklyn as a Dodgers fan. Completely irrational, but good times nonetheless.
Rooting for the Yanks is like rooting for the oil industry.

MF37 said...

Welcome back!

I'm not much of a MLB fan, I've had way more fun at minor league games. I think one of the reasons it's hard to have a rooting interest in the AL East is the financial disparity between teams.

As Malcolm Gladwell said, "Contests where one player has significantly more resources than another are not sports. They are marketplaces. To root for the Yankees or the Red Sox is the functional equivalent of rooting for Microsoft or General Electric. No thanks"

eyebleaf said...

@ Ian: That's a fantastic idea, mate.

@ 40: I need to come clean about my Yankees hat wearing days. And I will.

@ Wrap: I'm hoping they do. If they do crash, it will prove that there is a God.

@ Brendan: I totally agree with you. If you're from New York and cheer for the Yanks, I get that. I can understand that. But if you're a Yankees fan living in, I don't know, Montreal, what the fuck is wrong with you?

@ MF: Cheers buddy. Yes, the financial disparity is something, isn't it. Have you picked up Gladwell's new book? I haven't read "The Tipping Point." In fact, I should have picked it up in India, along with his new book. Books are CRAZY cheap over there. Unfortunately, they didn't have Dryden's "The Game."

MF37 said...

I picked up Blink when I was in India, I think I paid about 250Rs for it. I would have brought home more books but all of our suitcases were full of clothes we had made for us in India (we even had drapes tailored while we were there. My wife went a bit nuts).

I got Outliers out of the library today, have to read it quick as there's a hold on it...

On The Fence Sports said...

MF37 - I found Tipping Point to be a very quick and interesting read. It isn't a light bulb moment but for me it was a change to my daily reading habits. If you enjoy his writing I would recommend you picking it up.

On The Fence Sports

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