January 14, 2009

Dear Mikhail Grabovski,

What's good, my hot-headed, young Belarusian friend? Enjoying your time on the sidelines? I didn't think so.

Now, I'm writing this not to get all preachy and shit on you. You don't need to be told to never put your hands on an official again. I trust that you're a smart cat, and that you've learned your lesson.

What I am going to tell you is that the Leafs need you out there. Did you watch that game garbage last night? It was brutal. Seventeen shots? Fuck. Off. And Saturday night wasn't much better, 42 shots be damned.

There's zero offensive creation without you, Grabs. Let's be honest, there isn't much to begin with, but with you up in the press box things are about as quiet on the ice as inside Elliot Spitzer's bedroom. You know, since he got busted for palling around with that crazy expensive hooker.

You really should read the news, Mikhail. Or get Poni to translate it for you, or something.

Now don't get me wrong, I know the tank is on, but you and your teammates have proven that you're not about to solve that whole "goals against" problem anytime soon. So, if you're going to lose, I'd rather you at least score some goals in the process. You've just got to be in the lineup for that to happen. So no more suspensions, my friend.

And I know; Sergei Kostitsyn is a bitch. He'll get his. Don't worry about him. Like I said, lesson learned. 

I'll be honest: deep down, I like that you're one crazy mother fucker. But I need you to harness that energy. I need you on the ice.

See you on Friday, player.



kushnir said...

aren't you just waiting for some karma to come Kostitsyn's way?

The Reverend said...

I know I'm waiting...

showcase29 said...

u want grabs? let's make a deal!

Justin Kendrick said...

"Seventeen shots? Fuck. Off."

That kinda says its all, well done.

If we are going to lose every night at least score a few while doing so.

Even if you are going to take a dive you have to throw a few punches.

(The Hockey Card Show)

Sanjay said...

At least Mikhail will get some joy out of watching this:


eyebleaf said...

@ Kushnir: Karma = Grabovski. He will fuck him up, even in the streets, like he said. I love Grabbo.

@ The Reverend: Do you and Lloyd get into epic battles when it comes to the Leafs and Habs?

@ Showcase: Bro, best fucking profile picture, EVER.

@ Justin: It's one thing to lose, but we can't be complete bitches about it like we were last night. Four shots in the third period, are you kidding me? It really pisses me off that we're so pathetic on home ice. Show some pride, God dammit. Don't let others come into our building and spank us like naughty little whores. And it's fucking Nashville.

@ Bunsology: Suddenly, I like Tim Thomas.

@ No one in particular: I can't believe I wrote about harnessing energy, and didn't mention Kevin Nealon in Happy Gilmore. What the fuck? "Harness energy, block bad." Fuck, I love that movie.

wrap around curl said...

I loves me some Mickey Grabs.

That's what I like to call him. So far it is not catching on.

blurr1974 said...

grabbo is redonkulous...

Jaredoflondon said...

One of the tits got owned my Thomas last night, can't remember what one. But when you get dropped by a goaltender your an official bitch.

The Reverend said...

Lloyd and I don't see eye to eye when it comes to the Leafs and Habs, though I'd rather be in his situation then my own. However, I'll make sure he's either called, text'd or yelled at during a Leafs, Habs game when the Leafs score no matter the score.

eyebleaf said...

@ Wrap: I like it. It's gangster. From here on out, he's Mickey Grabs to me.

@ Blurr: Yes, yes he is.

@ Jared: I'm pretty sure it was Andrei. And you're right; he is officially a bitch.

@ Reverend: As long as you continue to do your part, we're all good.