January 13, 2009

The Raycrap Report Vol. 5: An Apology, Maybe...

Sidney Crosby and his hapless Pittsburgh Penguins were the latest team to succumb to the goaltending force known as Andrew Raycroft, dropping a 5-3 decision on Saturday afternoon.

I figured the final nail in the coffin of Pens coach Michel Therrien, or "hockey dad" as he's lovingly called by my girl Lori over at Hockey, Football, and Stiletto Shoes, would have been a loss to the one and only Raycroft. But that wasn't the case. The Pens lost, Therrien's still got his job, and Raycroft continues to defy all logical, well, logic.

Raycroft's effort on Saturday was reminiscent of his days with the Toronto Maple Leafs. He stopped only 21 of 24 shots, but he won. Again. And wins are nice.

Now that he's won seven games in a row...

Sorry, I need a second. I can't believe I just wrote that.

...

OK. My apologies. Let's try this again. Yes, I did just take a shot of Wiser's

Now that he's won seven games in a row, it's looking more and more like our good pal Andrew may supplant Peter Budaj as the number one goalie in Denver. Raycroft will be between the pipes tonight in Columbus when the Avalanche visit the Blue Jackets.

I know, what a world.

What I don't know is what Raycroft, now sporting a 9-1 record and a .905 save percentage, wants from me. I don't really know why he's doing this to me. I mean, haven't us Leafs fans, and you know, fans of good goaltending, suffered enough? Raycroft's exploits remind me of Happy Gilmore, when he told Shooter McGavin, "Uh oh, Happy learned how to putt!" Suddenly, he's learned how to play goal again. Bastard. 

I'm at my wits end. How can I make fun of Raycroft when he's sporting solid numbers, and when the Leafs are easier in their own end than a couple of Jarvis St. hookers? I can't, dammit. I've become so disillusioned with Vesa Toskala and his whore-like five-hole to the point where I'm willing to offer Raycroft an apology...maybe.

If, by the end of the season, Raycroft's save percentage (.905) is still higher than Toskala's (.882, fuck!), I will offer Raycroft a full apology, and never, ever, talk smack about him again.

Basically, the ball is now firmly in Toskala's court. He's got half a season to pull up his God damn panties jock strap, and play with some pride. I mean, as a Leafs fan, I don't have much of anything. It would be a damn shame for me to lose "The Raycrap Report," as well.

Oh, and just to warn you, if Raycroft does in fact finish with a higher save percentage than Toskala, and Paul Maurice leads the Carolina Hurricanes to the playoffs, I'm going to need a hug, and a glass of booze, more than I've ever needed either before.

15 comments:

twentyfifthhour said...

I'll bring the Wisers.

Loser Domi said...

I can always bring in booze, darling

woodpeck said...

i'll bring the snacks

showcase29 said...

I'm starting Raycroft tonight over Vesa in the pool... so that means:

(1) Raycroft's streak will end tonight
and
(2) Vesa will get the W, likely via a shutout

"Dave Schultz" said...

Carolina Hurricanes in the playoffs, holy shit, I'd drink to that. Otherwise, yeah, I'll be joining you, Tanqueray Rangpur in hand.

blurr1974 said...

Scary to think, we bought out the wrong goalie...

Vern said...

I'll bring some 13 year old girls.

eyebleaf said...

Who's bringing the dope?

And what about the mother fucking hugs?

And, Vern, you're one sick puppy. I'm looking forward to another edition of your rap monologues.

Ian H. said...

I have a feeling that bottle of Wiser's will be finished long before the seasons is over.

showcase29 said...

Wasn't a Leaf win (no W for Tosk), but as I suspected... I started Razor tonight and his streak came to a halt. This falls under: Murphy's Law for fantasy pooling.

Ian H. said...

I am considering dropping Toskala altogether from my pool. The second I do, he will get 5 straight shutouts.

eyebleaf said...

@ Ian: Wait until baseball season starts. Wiser's is going to see a boost in sales because of you and me alone, bro.

@ Showcase: I can't believe you picked up Raycroft. For shame.

@ Ian: Don't do it, Ian. We need Toskala to continue to stink up the joint. God, the Leafs suck.

"Dave Schultz" said...

I can bring hugs too. No worries there babydoll.

Ian H. said...

By the way, congrats on the featured quote on Yahoo's Puck Daddy Blog!

http://sports.yahoo.com/nhl/blog/puck_daddy/post/Puck-Headlines-Colorado-slowly-embracing-Raycro;_ylt=AjeV_jbyFGDC2ro8WhtD4MNivLYF?urn=nhl,134154

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