January 29, 2009

The Raycrap Report Vol. 7: We Meet Again...

Dear Andrew Raycroft,

I must admit, I love that picture. It's actually my new desktop background. It looks like you've been shot. If only I could be so lucky.

I kid, I kid. Calm down. I hate you, but that doesn't mean I wish a drive-by shooting upon you. I'm not a psycho, man.

So, tonight, we finally meet again. I won't lie; I've had this game circled on my calendar for some time.

As of this morning, I'm not sure if you'll actually be between the pipes tonight. It would be a shame if you're on the bench, but I wouldn't be surprised. You don't exactly come across as the most motivated cat, and that's one of your biggest problems. If I were you, I'd be on my knees begging to play tonight. I'd be desperate to prove to Leafs management, and prove to fans just like me, that you are not an epic failure of a goalie.

You know, Andrew, I don't hate many former Leafs. In fact, you're probably the only one. And I've often wondered why.

I think, deep down, it goes back to the end of the 2006/2007 season. You were pulled from the final, most important, game of the regular season, and the Leafs ended up missing the playoffs. Yet you had the nerve to tell everyone you were happy with your season. Happy with your 2.99 GAA and .894 save percentage.

I've never forgiven you for that. I likely never will.

You're a Belleville, Ontario boy, and were playing goal for the mother fucking Toronto Maple Leafs. You were living the dream. You should have taken it more seriously. You should have wanted it more. You should have been pissed off about missing the post-season.

You know, I feel a great sense of irony as I write this, because Vesa Toskala has turned into the goaltending equivalent of a dirty slut; he's turned into you. His numbers, frightening as they are, are actually worse than yours from 06/07. He looks apathetic in the crease, and every bad goal that goes past him is, well, just another bad goal that goes past him. It pains me how much he reminds me of you.

I've lost a lot of faith in Vesa this season. I don't think he's the goalie I thought he was. But tonight isn't about Vesa. It's about you. The Leafs can lose every game the rest of the way out, but I'll be happy as long as they win - as long as they beat you - tonight.

It's not even about revenge. It's about giving a damn. You never did. You bastard.

And my offer from weeks ago still stands: if you finish the season with better numbers than Toskala, that's it, I'm done, I'll never speak ill of you again.

You know, there haven't been a lot of games to get up for so far in this difficult and trying season, but tonight's one of them. I'll be rooting for my Leafs like it's a playoff game tonight.

Here's hoping you're in the crease, and that the red goal light behind you shatters from overuse.

Good luck. May the shitty goalie who least resembles a slut with an open five-hole win.

Go to hell,
eyebleaf

*This letter has been graciously cross-posted by my good friend PPP over at Pension Plan Puppets. Go there, and sign up for an account. It's one big, happy family group therapy session, and Maple Leafs blogging headquarters.

*UPDATE*

14 comments:

showcase29 said...

Wed, Jan 28 -
There are conflicting reports as to which Avs goalie will actually start on Thursday against Toronto - the Denver Post is indicating it will be Raycroft, while the Rocky Mountain News is calling for Peter Budaj.

Recommendation: This just shows you how much confusion and speculation there is right now in Denver concerning who the Avs' starting goalie is. We don't think either Raycroft or Budaj is a particularly good fantasy option right now, given all the uncertainty as well as the Avs' worsening injury situation and overall inability to score goals.

(RotoWire.com)

showcase29 said...

Tonight is the last night I can start Raycrap in the pool... he gets transferred to Neil's roster tomorrow... should I do it?!!?!??!?!

eyebleaf said...

Ice Chips is saying he's playing. Start him, bro. For old times sake.

GM-Carson said...

More Hardball wants to know who has the hottest fans in baseball. We'll be running a set of posts over the following weeks featuring images of each teams' hotties, with a voting poll to crown a champion. We're starting with the AL East and we'll continue through the rest of the American League, then on to the National League. Sticking true to Major League Baseball's roots, there will be an eight team playoff system where the winners of each division square off with addition of a wild card team to determine who wins the pennant and represents each league in the World Series of Hotness. Link-http://morehardball.blogspot.com/2009/01/hottest-fans-of-al-east_29.html

The Ack said...

dude, I want to give you an advance heads-up that I'm quite possibly going to rip-off your "open letter" routine for an upcoming missive @ ToS. so long as you're cool with it, of course. there's something I feel like I just need to get off my chest, and this seems to be an appropriate format.

eyebleaf said...

@ The Ack: Open letter it up, brother. No need to ask. I'm looking forward to it. I've been on this letter writing tip for a bit now. It's highly therapeutic.

twentyfifthhour said...

Wow... Watching the Leafs RIP APART Raycroft like that was like a wet dream. It was so pleasureful you just didn't want it to end.

kushnir said...

that brought a tear to my eye.

woodpeck said...

the best raycrap goal last night was the last one. the D had abandoned him to his own devices. ah, it brought back so many memories! ;)

The Reverend said...

Last night = a absoutlely fucking pitiful goaltending display on both sides.

A five year old could have kept Hejduk from scoring at that pussy wrap around.

Idiots.

eyebleaf said...

Rev, I threw up in my mouth a bit when Hejduk scored that wraparound. Absolutely awful. Toskala is shit. Raycroft was just sluttier last night.

Ian H. said...

I finally dropped Toskala from my fantasy team a few days ago, and it was one of the most liberating things I've ever done in my live.

FREEDOM! FREEDOM!

bkblades said...

Forget Toskie for a moment and his shit play.

I don't play the whole "let's see you fail" card very often (except Alonzo fuckin' Mourning), but one word comes to mind with the 7-4 Leafs win. Vindication.

Enjoy it, bro.

Nathan aka Carcel Mousineau said...

This was my early birthday present.

Also the moment I turned from dislike to absolute hatred for Raycrap was that happy with his season bullshit.

Rot in Hell Raycrap. Rot in Hell.