August 15, 2008

It's Up To God Now...

After watching the Toronto Blue Jays take three of four from the Detroit Tigers, one thing is for certain: Magglio Ordonez needs a haircut. Desperately.

Seriously, Maggs, dude. That hair, it's got "I'm a douchebag" all over it.

I'm not sure I could cheer for a guy with a mop like that. Sure, the .320 average, 15 home runs, and 71 RsBI are nice but...who am I kidding? With numbers like that, considering how flaccid the Blue Jays offence is, there would be a Magglio Ordonez shrine in my 365 square foot closet apartment.

Anyway, enough about Maggs.

The playoffs get underway tonight. Well, in all likelihood, my playoffs. Red Sox and Blue Jays from beautiful Fenway Paahk. Doc vs Paul Byrd. The start of fifteen in a row against AL East opponents. Nine games out of the wild card.

Light a candle, make the sign of the holy cross, get on your knees facing Mecca, have a pooja, do what ever it is you need to do. Start praying.


elise said...

His hair terrifies me. As a Twins fan, I'm forced to see it often. Too bad he's not in LA where Torre would make him (or at least try to make him) cut it.

Marvelous WIn said...

I will go talk to Tom Cruse for yo... I mean if we are including all the religions we don't want to offened the god of Scientology

The Ack said...

fun Magglio Ordonez fact:

he has children named Magglio Jr (son), Maggliana (daughter), and Sophia (ooopsie?).

This would be like Doc Halladay naming his kids Roy Jr, Royanna, and Jennifer. No wait - that would actually be fucking cool.

Anonymous said...

Magglio has cut his hair since this article first appeared, but this fan misses the signature long locks. Just look at that hair; just look at what we're missing.