August 18, 2008

Marvelous Matinee

Wow. That was most enjoyable. Ain't nothing like beating the living shit out of the Boston Red Sox. To do it at Fenway Park, against their "ace," well, I can't ask for much more than that.

Sure, it was only a two game set thanks to Friday's game being rained out, but we won 'em both. And last I checked, that's still a sweep. The legendary Tao of Stieb put it best: "Yah chowdah heads! Why don't you take those 15 runs and shove them up Sweet Caroline's pooper?!"

The Jays looked like they were making up for a season's worth of terrible hitting, and overall execution, in yesterday's joyous matinee affair. It was fun to watch. Fifteen runs, 22 hits, and an astonishing 10 doubles. It was the type of offensive display I envisioned I'd be watching on a regular basis from these Blue Jays. Oh, how wrong I was.

Alex Rios was the main event in yesterday's doubles parade. Dude was simply on fire, finishing five-for-six with four two-baggers and a single, three runs scored, and two runs batted in.

Once again, I've got to show Johnny McDonald some love. In the first inning, with the Jays up four-nil and runners on second and third with two down, Mac, the ultra-light hitting PMoD (if you still don't know what PMoD stands for, shame on you), stroked a Josh Beckett offering off the Green Monstah for a double. Six-nothing Jays. It was a huge hit early from the number nine hitter, and it sent a message to the BoSox. The message? Something along the lines of "Today, we will not be fucked with. And Beckett sucks."

Hey, you know that Adam Lind guy? He's good.

Hey, you know that Brad Wilkerson guy? He's, uh, not very good. Yeah, he's made some circus catches the last couple of months in the field, but his .215 batting average and .624 OPS, in 74 games with Toronto, are downright awful.

Might there be a Richie Sexson sighting?

The Jays, fresh off their successful 5-1 road trip, head into their off day today with a 65-60 record, and seven games behind Boston in the wild card race (you're damned right it's a race). If the Red Sox look hard enough, they might just see Toronto in their rear view mirror, far off in the distance, but gaining some ground nonetheless. Remember what the always-wise Ace Ventura Pet Detective said: "Assholes in mirror are closer than they appear!" Yes, we are those assholes.

Seven games. Crazier shit has happened. And New York and Boston will be in town this week, beginning tomorrow night. This is what it's all about, folks.

Bring on the Yankees.

3 comments:

Andrew Bucholtz said...

Please, no Sexson... Wilkerson was the last Mariners' cast-off the Jays grabbed, and he's been horrible, as you pointed out. Sexson is far worse than Wilkerson, as he can't hit, he strikes out all the time and he's a terrible defender (plus, he can only really play first base or DH, and Overbay's far better). There's a reason Sexson was too bad for even the terrible Mariners...

eyebleaf said...

imagine, a player WORSE than wilkersuck...you're right, andrew, that is pretty frightening.

i heard that sexson spurned the jays to sign with the yankees anyway, after his release. i can't imagine JP going back to him and asking him to reach Toronto again.

Andrew Bucholtz said...

I just find it funny that both Toronto and New York were interested in him after he got cut from the Mariners. Granted, the Yanks did want him as a platoon player, where he's slightly more effective, but I still wouldn't take him for anything.