October 18, 2008

I still hate the Boston Red Sox

The champagne was on ice. The plastic sheets were up all over my apartment. I even had my goggles ready to go. Then the Boston Red Sox, left for dead, came back. Massholes everywhere rejoiced.

It wasn't supposed to go down like that.

Trailing 7-0 in the 7th inning, it looked like the Red Sox were going to fade quietly into the night. Watching the game on television I swear I'd never heard Fenway Park so quiet. I was revelling in the fact that the Massholes - those unlovable, incorrigible, "we are entitled to every pro sports championship in the world" douchebags - were going to watch the Tampa Bay Rays win the pennant on their turf. Nothing was going to have been better.

Well, talk about the sports fan's equivalent of premature ejaculation.

I should have known. The Boston Red Sox never fade quietly into the night. I'm still having a hard time believing they managed to come back against the mighty Rays' bullpen, with their backs up against the wall to boot. It was high drama. Then again, these are the Red Sox. These are, even sans Manny Ramirez, the defending World Series champions. Jeff Blair of The Globe and Mail, also known as the finest baseball writer on the planet, was kind enough to point out that Boston has won eight ALCS elimination games in a row, and nine of 10 overall. Pardon my French, but that's fucking ridiculous.

Can the BoSox do it again, and pull off another miracle comeback? I can't put it past them. I won't lie, I'm worried about the Rays. They're a bunch of kids, after all. What happened Thursday night, especially Evan Longoria's error in the bottom of the ninth, has the potential to propel the Red Sox back to the World Series.

As much as I do hate the Boston Red Sox, and I really, really do, it's got to be one hell of a joyride being on that bandwagon. From the highest highs to the lowest lows and then back again. Sort of like the Dow Jones.

Before I forget, I want to take this opportunity to point out just how fickle the Massholes, and the MSM that cover the Red Sox, collectively are. I want to show you just how loyal "Red Sox Nation" really is. With their most clutch hitter, and arguably one of the most clutch hitters ever, David Ortiz scuffling at the plate, his nick-name went from "Big Papi" to "Big Popup." You know that Ortiz guy? He was kind of, just kind of, instrumental in bringing a couple of titles to Boston. Of course, after his home run two nights ago, Ortiz is back to having his cock sucked by the Massholes.

It gets better. The "Nation" has turned on their beloved Captain, Jason Varitek, booing him and his pathetic .115 post-season batting average. Varitek's shit. I know it, you know it, and we all know it. In fact, we've all known it for a while. But now the Massholes stop defending him? Really? Now? When he needs their support the most? Classy bunch of fans over there in Boston, man, real classy.

Tonight at the Trop it's going to be Josh Beckett vs. James Shields. Tampa Bay will try to clinch the pennant at home, in front of their oh so loyal fan base who have stuck by the team through thin and, well, thinner. Yes, all eleven people who comprise the "oh so loyal fan base" will be in attendance and, let me tell you, they can't wait.

Speaking of Beckett, he has not looked like the Mr. October he normally is but, in typical Red Sox fashion, I'm expecting him to throw an absolute gem. Maybe he can tear a page out of Curt Schilling's book and paint his sock red. Fake blood worked like a charm the first time around.

For the Rays to win, Shields needs to go pitch-for-pitch with Beckett, and the middle of the Rays' lineup has to be just as good as it was on Thursday. Most importantly, though, the Rays to a man need to forget about the debacle that ended up being Thursday night.

Make it happen Tampa. Please. No doubt the majority of this city's baseball fans are cheering for you. For the love of God and all humanity, make the Boston Red Sox and the Massholes go away, even if it is just for a few months.


Dheeraj Vaswani said...


say with me...


There's not many times you can connect hockey to baseball. This is one of those times. Tampa Bay needs a hockey goaltender mentality here. A very short memory. Like a goalie who has a terrible night, must forget it and concentrate on the next game. Tampa Bay must be that goaltender with the short memory.

eyebleaf said...

"Fuck the Red Sox!"

Feels good, man, feels good.

Vigilante said...

Now I understand why I wanted the L.A. Dodgers to face-off the Bosox in the World Series! I wanted to see Manny come up to the plate in Fenway!

Escaped Lab Rat said...

You know what's worth than a Masshole? A Masshole wannabe--those bandwagon jumpers from all across North America who cheer for the Sox for no apparent reason. At least a Masshole is born a Masshole (much like a Leafer); it's not their fault really.

Also I hated how they booed Keith Foulke the year after he basically sacrificed his arm for them and got them to the Series. That wasn't a particularly classy response by those particular fans, was it?

29fan said...

It's baseball. It has nothing to do with anything else, it's our National Sport. Our. It's a piece of piss, it't frustrating, it makes you jump on the couch, and shout Oh My God, or What The F*&^....whatever. It is what it is. And yes, Boston fans will ride Varitek, or Ortiz, anyone in a slump...juice 'em up, we know their job, they know we know. And the new guys, like Bay...we'll take them in. Treat them like Red Sox players, they know their oats, they shall do well here.
We'll see...whatever happens, it's still baseball. And there will always be baseball. Don't let it f&^k you up, or you could end up with a head like....you all. There will always be baseball, there won't always be you.

Ian H. said...

If you give the Red Sox an inch, they'll take a mile. Now they have the momentum going into game 7.